Wednesday, 15 October 2008
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Dear Dr. Datingish: I Still Think about My Ex Sometimes
Got a question for Dr. Datingish? Send it to us here!
My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for over two years now after a long-term relationship. I've moved on and liked other guys, but sometimes he still crosses my mind. I just reminisce of the times we shared. Does that mean I'm not over him, or is it simply normal?
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Comments (50)
It's normal :o) You cant FORGET someone completely... as long as he's not at the tip of your tongue 24/7 then you're fine. And if nothing he does/says (if you guys are still keeping in touch) affects you anymore then you've moved on. For example, if he has a new gf, or he's dating someone new or he's not the SAME person that you met blah blah blah, if none of this affects you, I think you've moved on. Keep the good memories and try to "forget" the bad.
I was told by my family therapist just yesterday, that it takes most people three solid years to lose any sort of loving feelings towards somebody they are romantic with. I don't know if that means the three years have to be out of contact with the ex or not, but I could understand it.
The therapist also said it's okay to think about them, even if it ended badly, since it probably didn't begin badly. "It'll all get better in time" as that popular radio song is saying lately.
Totally normal. When someone's a big part of your life for a long period of time, you are bound to think about them. You may never completely stop thinking about him, but that doesn't mean you want to get back together with him or anything. With time you'll think about him less and less, but really, he'll always be a part of your past and there's nothing wrong with that.
Completely normal. As long as it doesn't detract from your current relationship there is no harm in it.
It's normal. What Daeshi said.
It's normal. He was a pick part of your life, and is now missing. Depending on the circumstances of your, you could need years to get over him. Look for the things you liked about him in the guys you're dating now. That's the best way to make use of those feelings.
But DON'T find a guy "just like him" and if you start thinking "he reminds me so much of my ex!" you should probably get out. You're just projecting that sense of longing upon the other guy and holding him to those standards--it's not fair.
Xo
I agree with the general consensus.
As long as it's not all the time, or getting in the way of meeting other guys you'll be just fine.=]Memories are always going to come back no matter how long ago the breakup was. As long as it's fleeting and doesn't disturb any other part of your life, it's all good.
I think you can move on and still think of good memories-- and still hold a spot in your heart for someone. I mean love is something we ought to cherish, not try to bury in the mud.
I don't think it means that you're not over him. You shared a big chunk of your life with him—of course you're going to think about him.
Just as long as you're not dwelling on your past relationship with him, I don't think it's a bad thing at all.
I'm pretty sure that's normal. He was a major part of your life for a long time (long-term relationship). You're not going to just forget a year, two, three, + years of your life or the people that were in it at the time, including exes.
My thoughts sometimes wander to my ex who I broke up with over a year and a half ago. Though, this probably has to do more-so w/ the fact that we do still talk and maintain a friendship.
But, I still would say its normal as long as you're not focusing only on him and only on your thoughts about him or getting back together or whatnot.
I broke up with my boyfriend of a year almost exactly a year ago. I ended things because I wasn't interested anymore. We haven't spoken since the break up, but I still think about him everyday. There's not a lot of emotion involved, but it seems like everyday something happens that reminds me of him and our time together. It's weird.
... but it might be sort of normal? haha, idk
It's completely normal. As long as you do not call your boyfriend (if you have one now) or any future boyfriend your ex's name. haha.
Totally normal. There's no way in hell I'd ever get back with my ex, but I still think about him sometimes. I dated him for 10 months, so I can't just pretend those 10 months didn't happen. I think it's just part of having a relationship with someone: you don't develop amnesia when it's over.
I've met someone else now who is absolutely great, and I hope that when I move closer to him, we can start a relationship. I know without a doubt that he's the one I want to be with right now. But that doesn't mean I'm going to be 15 and having my first crush again. I still have memories. That doesn't mean I'm not over my ex, though.
Normal
Breaking up and moving on doesn't mean that they will magically voodoo themselves out of your memories. It's ok to think about moments you share, but if they come quite often, there's something going on.
completely normal. the best way to really move on is to try hard not to talk about him or let things remind you of him.
*Sigh. . .* That happens to me too sometimes; so you're not alone. I'm completely over him, but I still find myself thinking about him. I don't think about him in a romantic way or anything, I just think about what could've happened and what did happen to him.
I think (hope) it's normal to think about him. I am completely over him too btw.
My ex ended up coming to the same college as me, after we had been broken up for almost a year and a half (he's a year younger then me). It is impossible not to think about him, especially if we run into each other. The saddest part is that we really ended on a sour note, and when we do see each other, we pretend we never even met, let alone dated for two and a half years. I still think of him occassionally, and sometimes that's painful, but I also wonder if he thinks of me from time to time. And if so... what does he think?
My boyfriend and I broke up, um, five years ago, and he still crosses my mind from time to time, maybe because I've been single since him. When I found out he got married last summer, there was something in me that ached a little, for times gone by and the innocence lost. I think (and hope) it's normal, because if it isn't, I've got major problems.
When you break up with someone, you can't expect to cut the person out of your life entirely. There were lots of memories & great times shared. He was a big part of your life, so that's totally understandable why you feel that way. As long as the memories of him doesn't affect your future/current relationships. In time you'll find who will completely sweep you off your feet & totally top the last one~ [even when you thought that was impossible. :P]
By the way, they say the average time to get over your ex is half the relationship.. I don't know if that's true though. [I got over my ex of 6 months in a week. =X] So anyone..?
@GodArt@xanga - I think it's normal. I just found out a month ago that this guy I dated for 2 weeks a few years back has been engaged for the past year & a half.. He started dating this girl two weeks after we broke up. While I don't have feelings for him anymore, I still felt a little pang of something.
Who ever submitted this is my hero!
I have been having the exact same thoughts and feelings! We dated for two years and things were (I thought) fairly serious. And more than two years ago, things ended badly. But suddenly, about a week ago, when my cousin (age 6) died, I suddenly started wising he was here for me. He knew all about what the family was going through with her and her heart conditions. Now I've begun dreaming about him being back in my life.
I honestly don't want to be with him again... but I do sort of wish we could be friends, because I could really use someone who understand her to talk to me right now.
I second JustAlLittleLessPain. I feel the same way too sometimes. I have been with my ex for 5 years and we broke up because I feel like the relationship wasn't the same anymore. I got with another guy and we've been going out for 7 months now and I am so happy with him, even though I still think of my ex sometimes. When i think about him, its not in a loving way though. Since he's been a part of my life for so long, its hard to just completely shut someone out of your life like that. Memories will always arise so i think it is PERFECTLY normal to think of someone that was once significant in your life.
It sucks, but honestly, how can you keep from thinking about someone? Even when you're trying not to think about them, youre still thinking about them. They say eventually you'll get over it. I'm know that's true, although at this moment I'm having trouble seeing the light at the end of this particularly long tunnel. I'm not quite over my ex yet. I'd like to think I'm improving, but progress seems stagnant.