Wednesday, 15 October 2008

• We Were Sort of Dating - Now He Won't Even Talk to Me.

  This is a guest blog submitted by cyanidebutterfly.
  
  How do you get someone you were sort of seeing to speak to you again?
  
  We were sort of seeing each other (dating, but not exclusively) for a few months this summer, and it looked to have pretty good potential. 
  
  Outside of taekwondo class, we saw each other a few times a week. I was invited over specifically for the purpose of meeting his absolutely adorable 3-year-old daughter, and ended up having dinner with the family (he, his mom and Avery, his daughter). We could watch movies together; we could discuss anything from ethics to music to hair styles; I could lounge on the couch absorbed in a great book and he could sit at the computer intent on Warcraft 2 and that was totally comfortable. I met one of his best friends, which, if you knew him, you'd know that was a pretty big deal (he's normally rather antisocial).
  
  Things were great until the day before I moved back to school (an hour away; I come home almost every weekend to work) and we had a perfectly sane, non-argumentative discussion. His direct words were that I didn't want to stick around because he was fucked up, had a lot going on looking for a house and another job and taking care of a daughter; I was better off without him, and he was bad for me. He didn't want a relationship because he couldn't handle one on top of everything else, and that's not what I wanted.
  
  Okay, fine. It could have been a lot more horrible than that. The kicker is that while I realize I'm not exactly over him, nor do I want what we were to be done, I am mature enough recognize that perhaps he needs his space and his time -- and not to sound like a martyr, but it's really freaking hard to try not to think that way about a person when they didn't give you a solid reason to be angry with them or break off connections (i.e. I slept with so-and-so last week because you're celibate; I really dislike you and I think you have hideous eyebrows; etc.).
  
  And because we were both always honest with each other, I told him that I would probably still care for him, and he said that was fine; he still wanted to hang out. However, now that seems like a lie because he's never available or never seems to want to talk.
  
  Granted, he picked up another job, so he's busy, but I know he's online (a beautiful little thing called the MySpace "now online" icon or this thing called AIM's "return from idle" status update). Just this past weekend I returned the last book of the series I was borrowing from him and I guess I just fear he's going to fall off of the face of the planet where I'm concerned.
  
  Assuming that he originally meant that we could be friends, I think he thinks that showing me any attention will fan the flame that I still hold for him; I'm five years younger than he is and although most time he forgets the age difference he tends to remember it at the most inconvenient times ("damnit, I can get you into the bar but you can't drink!"), like now. How am I supposed to show him that no matter what I feel like, I respect his boundaries and decisions?
  
  Is there any way to show him that above all else I would be more than thrilled to have our friendship back?
  Or is this a game of patience and persistence?
  
  (EDIT: We weren't very close friends before; we talked online, then my friend convinced me to sign up for grappling class with her and neglected to warn me that he was the Master. Also, he's 24, and I'll be 20 in January. I know somebody's going to ask.)
  

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