Wednesday, 15 October 2008
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Breaking Up for College
Mr. Giraffe
I have this cousin in Delaware, who I will call Aladdin. He dated the appropriately named Jasmine for about two years in high school. Aladdin and Jasmine had one of those dream high school romances where they were both involved in each other's families. They had lives outside of each other. He played football, she swam.The best thing I liked about this super-couple was that they were smart. And I don't mean just academically. They never promised themselves to each other on a long-term level. They dated each other exclusively but they didn't dream of married life or name their kids or apply to the same colleges specifically because the other did, all signs of a doomed relationship. They didn't put too much stock in the future which would have been dumb since our wants and needs change (Not all the time. HS/College romances can last à la Lily & Marshall).
Though Aladdin and Jasmine did have their share of lovers' tiffs, they were relatively drama-free until they realized they had an expiration date. She decided to go to Virginia Tech and he decided to go to Penn State. Even though they wanted to stay together, they both knew that staying together would be holding themselves back from college experiences. I was sad to see such a great coupling end, but I was proud of my cousin and his girlfriend for being mature.
I want your opinion: is not wanting to hold someone (or yourself) back a good reason to break up?
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Comments (92)
If you feel like you will be held back then you must not be too committed to the relationship.
I know in the end all works out. So whatever is best for your cousin will find him :)
I am in Hong Kong and my boyfriend is in the UK and we are not even thinking of breaking up.
come on, the two things are not mutaully exclusive. try to have 'em both. it may be hard, but if you think that is something worth striving for, go for it
I think breaking up with someone just because they are going to a different school is not the best idea.... but in a relationship if you feel held back or like you are holding them back I feel thats a good reason to break up...
My ex bf and I broke up a few months ago because he has some mental issues and I felt I was holding him back from getting the help he needed... not because I wouldn't let him but being with me enabled him to excuse the fact that he hadnt gotten help. Granted he has since moved on to the next girl and still not gotten the help he needed but that just means we wernt ment to be
Like everyone else has said, if you feel like you're gonna be held back, then you're not really all that committed to start with.
If it's meant to be, it will be and everything else...well, it's just baggage to be quite frank.
Yes I think it is a good reason.
It is always good when both people realize this, too, such as in the case of your cousin and his girlfriend.
I think it holds you back alot and causes problems if you do decide to stay together...I've tried it, and personally it was a learning experience that I never wish to experience again, EVER.
It is absolutely a good reason. Going to college was a major factor in my decision to break up with my high-school boyfriend. I'm very happy it did - I think we both allowed ourselves to not be held back, and ended up much happier in the long run.
I think it's definitely a good reason. I tried to stay with my high school boyfriend when we left for college. It didn't work out so well... And I always felt like I was holding myself back by hanging on to the relationship.
YES! It is hard enough for highschool FRIENDSHIPS to last once college begins, so a relationship would be even harder to maintain.
If you love someone enough, then it's holding yourself back to deny yourself of them. Why keep looking if you've already got what you want?
i dont think it's a bad reason. since they're smart and mature, if after a few semesters of the college experience, they still want each other, i'm sure they'll get back together.
I think it can be a reason to break up, but that doesn't mean the two wouldn't find each other later.
When high school ended for my parents they broke up because my father was headed into the Navy(he had to move since they had lived in Vermont) and my mom was on the way to college. A couple years later, she finshed what she wanted from college, and moved to be with my father, and they're still together today.
That doesn't mean all couples will end up back together, but it doesn't mean a break up is permanent or needed. It's based on the individual relationship.
If you feel like you're being restricted by staying in the relationship, I don't think you should have been in a relationship in the first place. When I begin a relationship, I consider all the options.. & if I have any doubts, I just don't get involved. I don't see the point in putting yourself through all that emotional heartache when you know there's an expiration date to the relationship. But to each, their own.
I think I should have broken up with my high school boyfriend after high school. I didn't because he went to a community college in the area while I was finishing my last year of high school. we both ended up going to the same college so we stayed together almost 7 years. It kind of held me back. I didn't do anything school related, I didn't really meet any new people and all I did was hang out with him and his friends. I really wish now I would have gotten more out of my college experience. Meet new people, do a lot of fun stuff, get involved in the school. He moved and I started doing all the things I had wanted to do and he got jealous that I seemed like I was moving on in my life and he wasn't. Well I felt like he was trying to keep me back and it just wasn't working out for me. We had even been engaged for almost a year when I broke up with him. I just realized he wasn't the type of person I wanted to spend my life with. I met a great guy after and now we are married :)
i guess my point is, if its going to hold you back from experiencing the things you want in life then it just isn't worth it.
Really depends on your schedule and if you got to diferent colleges.
Personally, if you really love eachother, and I mean in a mature way, not a drama-off-and-on-again-high-school-couple way, than things like college and out of high school shouldn't affect your relationship. And you shouldn't want to experience anybody else. For me when it comes down to love, if you truly love them than you want to experience things together, and you'd want to stay together. I know that's what I want.
But good for them if thats what they thought would be best.
Oh how I wish I had broken up, instead I held on, put all my dreams on hold, worried about his future, "our future", which is now a past with no future, if I could do it over I would think more of myself, things chnage, people change.
I think it's like that old saying. Set them free and if it was meant to be they'll come back. I don't see anything wrong with experimenting prior to settling down. It's smart actually.
I went through the same thing. Except I wasn't willing to give her up. I didn't see the point in breaking up just because of college. I always believed that it was just because of college until recently. I came to the conclusion that she got bored of me. Even though she yelled at me for not spending as much time as I should have that summer (when she planned for us to stay together) and I did. And then 3-4 weeks before she left for college, BAM. . . .out came the news that she didn't want to be with me anymore. Mainly because she didn't want to miss any opportunities. I figured now that maybe it wouldnt be guaranteed and that I kinda don't want to go back to her anyways. She's changed alot . . .
It's bitter sweet. Unfortunately for them, they're still so young. They're JUST starting college. It may be a good thing that things ended in a mature & drama free way because it leaves future possibilities open. Yet at the same time, there is no guilt whatsoever for meeting someone else while you're both away for college. I'm sure they'll keep in touch and things might just work out in their favor in the end.
And in answer to your question, Yes I believe that break up is the best solution for not wanting to hold yourself or someone back. In some ways, it's both selfish & selfless.
I started a relationship just before coming into university... and I say it is really something I regret... Not so much being with that person, but how much my university experience would be different without him.
I would of been in a lot more clubs, had more of a life.
And as most people have said here, yeah, things do change, and people change. Second month into university, I realized that I mature much faster and has already gotten used to the university life, while he struggles with it... We started seeing things very differently, It all ended on a bad notes... keeping a relationship going from high school definitely isn't easy... has nothing to do with a long distance type of thing...
I generally say it's better to venture on your own with big changes in your life, and honestly, if they were meant to be, they'll be around, whether they realized or not... Life will bring them back together....
Was long distance relationship not an option for them?
I've seen a lot of people at my college manage to make this whole 'long distance' relationship thing work. With the right coupling, it can work. I went into college not wanting anyone. But then seeing everyone together and hearing about everyone's girlfriends and boyfriends depressed me. So it can be possible. Have them visit your college sometimes. It can work out.
If it's meant to be - it will be. Taking some time to further your education and gain some wisdom and experience is never a bad thing.
I'm in college and my boyfriend of nearly a year is still in high school. it sucks to know he's 150 miles away but it helps keep me in check, I'm never out too late getting wasted and potentially hooking up with some guy I'll regret in the morning because I know my boyfriend is there. and he really helps a lot too, I'm going through tough college decisions and he's always there for me.