This is a guest blog submitted by enterthelabyrinth.I'm wondering what's going on in my ex's head. We broke up because he seemed to like to *say* he was dating me more than the actual act of dating me. Eventually, I got tired of coming in last and moved on after my friends finally got it through my thick skull that he wasn't worth it.
Lately, he has started calling me again, wanting to see me, etc. While we are still trying to remain close friends like we were before, it's as if he's trying to win me back, even after telling me many times that he didn't want to be in a relationship.
The Ex is most definitely in my Friends ONLY box after everything that happened. At any mention of another guy, even if it's just a brief response to "what did you do this weekend?" he flips out and dramatically changes the subject....
So what I'm wondering is this: what is going on in my ex's head? Is is just that he wants to have his cake and eat it, too? Is this reaction just temporary, or is the idea that we can remain friends simply a notion of my insanity?
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Comments (45)
I had a friend like this, and let me just say, that after years of screaming matches before I went on a date with someone else...I just had to cut the ties. It's not worth it.
Who you date and what you do is not up to him. If he seriously is in the friend only category, then make that clear to him. If he can't handle it...let him go. It sucks, but it will save your sanity.
Number 1 - He's your ex and is used to being the man that your world revolves around.
Number 2 - He's your ex. He will not be able to "just be friends" for a long time.
Number 3 - Leave the baggage for someone else to claim. If you're happy and moving on, don't let him bring you down. It's your life, not his fantasy.
Like they said, he's your ex. That means he's not allowed to say anything about guys you date.
I had a friend like this. He broke up with me because he thought we should be friends instead. Then when I started talking to my current boyfriend, my ex got mad and started saying stuff like "he's just not right for you," etc. etc.
Do what you want, not what your ex wants.
It's kind of like with children and their toys (not saying you're his toy, lol). If their teddy bear is sitting off in a corner, gathering dust and then someone comes along and merely touches it, they'll throw a "mine, mine, mine!" tantrum. Some guys are like that. Even though you've broken up, he doesn't want someone else stepping in on his "territory".
It's none of his concern who you date.
He's probably doing this because he realizes that if you move on there's no hope of rekindling the relationship.
Have still feelings for you and he's just...well...jealous...
so, you shouldn't tell him your business because...it's yours and not his..anymore..
@MustangSally04@xanga - Well said.
Date who you want. He has no right to tell you who you can and cannot see.
He lost his chance. My ex did the same thing (and HE dumped ME!). Date whoever you want.
he's just getting jealous. he doesn't want to think that you want anyone besides him. even though he doesn't want you, he just wants to be WANTED, period.
i have this kind of personality, too. i demand attention from everyone even if it doesn't make sense or if i don't like the person i'm getting it from.
stupid, yah.
tell him to screw off, he's just gonna make you miserable later.
Date whoever you want. He has no right to freak out 'cause you don't "belong" to him. It was his loss for not holding on to you. If it bothers you that much.. & I'm sure it's eventually going to drive you crazy, I'd say drop him. It might be impossible to remain friends with someone like him. There are certain ex-boyfriends you just simply can't remain friends with.
My guess is that HE'S striking out in the dating game and hates seeing you succeed. He probably is regretting the split--not because he necessarily has feelings for you, but doesn't like to share.
You don't need a friend like that!
tell him to get over it and get a life.
He REALLY needs to move on, and you need to do your part to facilitate that.
I tried to "start over" with an ex. The history will always be there and it just won't work.
It sounds to me like you don't want to move on, either, because you are choosing to be friends with him. He may be important to you, but it's not fair to him, either. Just move forward, it's not worth it to either of you. Down the road when you've both had time to put everything behind you, becoming friends might become a more practical and rewarding thing. For now, though, it doesn't seem like a good idea.
it's the old cliche "dont know what you got till its gone." i think its evidence of your insanity to think you can be friends. but thats me. i wouldnt even consider telling my recent ex about a date i went on or a guy im interested in. speaking in human terms, not many people can handle that kind of information after an emotional connection (such as dating) has occurred, and especially after the connection has been broken.
If you guys want to stay friends, it would be best to stay away from each other for a while, until his feelings fade away. If one of you still wants to date the other, you're not friends.
And he's probably acting that way because he realizes that he made a mistake and wants you back, and doesn't want to see you with any other guys.
yeah, I can't do it. it's about objects. who'd want to see their stolen sports car driven around by some other dude? same thing with ex-girlfriends. even if he "didn't want the relationship" it still was something in his pocket. now it looks like somebody else has it... the "have your cake and eat it too" analogy -- perfect.
he wants to have the cake and eat it too, ditch him and run.
Guys and girls can not be "just friends" without one or the other wanting more out ot the relationship. I would just be "friendly" with him, but not "friends".
He's not being fair to you. He is being immature and selfish and you should just tell it to him like it is because otherwise he won't understand. If he can't handle it then stop caring what he thinks because obviously he doesn't care about you. You guys can remain friends if he also just want to be friends with you.
my ex would asks me about my love life and then she would talk about hers...I don't know...for some reason even though I don't have any romantic feeling left for her I still feel kind of uncomfortable listening about her love life. she can date whoever she wants...I just don't want to know about it...is that bad?
Yeah just be friendly to him then move on, otherwise you get stuck in an unusual were dating but were not dating thing. Like Im stuck in now
The EX part of his title should tell you straight out he no longer has claim in your life. If he were truly a friend, he would have held his temper or whatever, perhaps changed the subject (if he didn't want to hear it) BUT remained respectfully. It's already clear that he won't be much of a friend. Like the majority of my fellow Xanga writers have said or will say: dump the drama boy! You seriously don't need to be going through that.
move on GF....he has no rights to ask you or tell you who you can date or hang out with. A good friends/ex will respect you and not give you problems, nor would he discourage you from seeing other people! That's controlling of him and unfair to you. I have been in a relationship (marriage) like that and it's not healthy at all. It's not good for you emotionally and mentally. It took me a long time to build up my self esteem and finally divorce and move on. Don't let him make your life miserable or depressing. As much as you "care" about him, you need to make sure you keep your distance from him and not tell him much about what you do. He will make you feel really guilty and sorry for him.