Sunday, 12 October 2008
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Dear Dr. Datingish: How Does This Dating to BF/GF Thing Work?
Dr. Datingish
So a guy asked me on a date, twice.
However, he never actually asked me to be his girlfriend.
I know he likes me and he knows that I like him, so how does this whole dating thing work? Are he and I official, or are we just still "dating"? How do others determine whether they are just dating or are boyfriend/girlfriend just by going on dates together?
I'm only 17 and I have never had a boyfriend before, so please help!
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Comments (32)
to make it official a guy really has to pop the question.
yeah you're dating him, just not exclusively dating him as of the moment.
my ex and i dated for a while before he even popped the question. so yeah just hold on tight and wait for him to make a move.
My boyfriend & I went on a few dates before we became boyfriend/girlfriend. I think the number of dates depends on the two of you & if you're ready for a relationship. However, I don't think it'd hurt for you to ask him where the relationship is going.. I'd ask him to define the relationship so that you can better understand where you two stand. I wouldn't worry too much though, as it's still early. I think you should just relax & enjoy. You've never had a boyfriend before & so just take it as it comes~ It'll make your first boyfriend experience all the more memorable! :)
I disagree with the commenter above me. Just relax and see how it goes. If it's going well, then he'll want to be with you exclusively. Until then don't feel the need to be exclusive, because well, you're not. Although I do think it'd be disrespectful to go hooking up with others in the meantime.
Does he seem a bit shy? I was pretty shy around my girlfriend when we first started hanging out and going out on dates. Not so shy that I was uncomfortable around her or silent, but you know, nervous to really ask the question. My girlfriend and I went on five or so dates until an actual bf/gf relationship blossomed. If he asked you on these dates then it's clear he digs you. Just give him a little more time.
wow.. chill. it's just the second date. and he hasn't asked you yet. why not play it cool?Â
Well, it's only the second date. And when you guys are on your way to your third date and it goes well, well then, you can always break the ice about it. Or, as they say, "It's not official until it's up on Facebook." Hahahaha.
two dates? give it some time. remember guys mature a bit slower, so maybe he felt that he's not ready to go to the next step.
If you want to know so bad, ask him instead of us. We can't give you the answers that he can.
As I have said before, and will continue to say, the key to any relationship, whether it is friends, family, or a significant other, is communication. It may seem like an ever so droll idea, but actually talking to a person can help develop and cement feelings in reality so that everyone is clear on the subject at hand.
i had to wait a whole summer for my boyfriend to ask me out. it'll come naturally. and you still gotta see if you want to be official with this guy. dont rush into things. i wouldnt go ask him though if i were you. i think that would make you seem to anxious to get with him.
thats just me personally though
My boyfriend, of 2 years now, and I dated for about a month and a half before we made it official. He was kind of shy about asking me, so I wouldn't worry about it!
Wow, I went through this exact same thing last week! It's going great so hopefully it will for you, too :)
I would guess that you two are dating at this point, though, not official. Mine waited for like five dates before he asked.
You could ask him if you're "official" or not. And if you want to wait for him to ask you... then just sit back and enjoy the ride.
I should be asking girls the same thing. I had no idea there was some sort of scale about from 1-5. ...or rather 3-5. 3 being friends. 4 going out. 5 being bf/gf. I'd say that you give it some time. He's getting to know you. Don't rush into things, especially if he might be your potential first bf.
when you're dating it means that you can see other people aswell. so if he really wants to see you, exclusively, he will probably say it outright.
in my experience they've always asked. but no need to rush into anything hun!!
annah x
Funny how I blogged about this just a few days ago.
Just remain calm. If he wants to make it "official," he'll do so. Some way. You'll know. I'm not a big fan of asking, because that could just be awkward and not get you very far in knowing. Have fun. Don't worry about it.
You'll have plenty of time to be together as boyfriend/girlfriend...and time to get bitter....and to break up....and to wonder if you'll die alone
So cheer up and relax. Wondering if you'll die alone is not that fun- no need to rush for that feeling... enjoy dating.
Some things are just natural. My bf nv pops the Qn or anything. We just got together naturally. LOL
@laytexduckie@xanga - LOL @ the FB comment.
@wewong@xanga - yep, boys are slower at this game. haha jk... or not.
as for the author... take it slow. i know you're young and you want to have a "bf" but damn. you got your WHOLE life ahead of you. although being in a relationship has it perks, it also means less "ME" (you) time to do the things you enjoy. sit back and enjoy the "chase" because babe, when the "honeymoon" period is over... you're gonna miss these lil dates. i'd much rather date now than be someone's gf. but then again, im 10 yrs your senior :o)~ good luck lil one.
ps: dont take it TOO seriously if it doesnt work out in your favor. you're young, you still have a lot to learn. i know when you're IN the moment, you feel like he is your world, just remember that he isnt. whatever/whoever he is, there is always someone better out there.
play it cool :]
Yeah. It's only been two dates. You should relax a little because there is nothing to worry about. The number of times you date before it becomes official differs for everyone. It depends on how comfortable you two are and how well you guys communicate.
Good luck with him though. :)
I went through the exact same thing. You have to ask him about it. Sometimes the guy "assumes" that after a certain amount of dates that you're automatically boyfriend and girlfriend. That's what my boyfriend thought. After a month or so of dating, I just had to assume that we were boyfriend and girlfriend and changed my relationship status on facebook to "in a relationship" without discussing it with him. Yes, it was a trivial move, but it did make a difference. After that I told him that he never asked me to be his girlfriend and he said that after 3 or 4 dates, he thought that it was assumed that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Boys are just clueless sometimes. Haha
My boyfriend and I dated for a week lol before he asked me to be his girlfriend. He gave me his class ring and everything it was so cute and romantic.
yea i think making it official...
Dating isn't marriage and there's no reason you should treat it with any kind of exclusivity. Really. It's just an opportunity for people to get to know each other well enough to decide if they want to be exclusive. Don't take it so seriously. It's an uncommited state of decision.
NO you cannot assume you are his girlfriend after two dates. Remember that "Three date minimum" that everyone keeps talking about? I realize that a hard and fast rule doesn't always apply, but do you really want someone to be (somewhat) committed to you after two dates, even if it's just a commitment to more dates? Try again after a month of dates (i.e. 5+) or just discuss it with him if you feel you are ready.
@emilyd_foster@xanga - Hah, that can freak some people out. I know a lot of people who insist that only very serious relationships get facebooked.