Mr. Lion The topic of secrets came up in a rerun episode of Home Improvement I saw the other day. Tim told Jill one of their friends had cheated on his wife and asked him not to say anything about it.
He told her, trusting that she wouldn't say anything to the woman because he didn't want to get into their business. Jill instead went and told her dear friend what happened. When asked why she said anything, Jill said it was okay because her girlfriend had a right to know; she was being left out in the dark.
Jill found that her friend's well being was more important than their trust and a secret. Of course Tim took the brunt of it from his friend, who accused Tim of breaking his trust.
I’ve been in Tim's position before but haven't been burned like he has. I've told secrets to my girlfriends, even if they dealt with some of my best friends. Thankfully they haven't said anything, but if they had, I would be angry. There's a level of trust and when it’s broken, all bets are off. In the Home Improvement epsisode, both Tim and Jill broke trusts, but one was more important than other.
Who is more at fault, Tim (for breaking his friend's trust), or Jill (for breaking her husband's)?
Who are you more likely to tell secrets to - your significant other or your best friends?
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Comments (47)
this is very complicating...
i can't answer that one.
But i think it's Jill's fault because she shouldn't be getting into their business.
Tim was dragged into it...of course he'll tell his significant other, they live together and breathe the same air so cmon! He'll tell her everything and like wise for her.
But that's like in their circle....
JILLS FAULT!
I think it's Jill's fault.
I am more likely to tell my SO secrets; but he is also my best friend.
I am more likely to tell secrets to my husband, who is also my best friend anyway. That could be also because neither of us have as many friends as we thought we had before (you really learn who your friends are when you get married, and who just uses you to get a deal on automotive work...) But if I cant trust him with everything and anything, what is the point?
I think Jill is at fault - her husband confided in her, and honestly it really wasn't her place to go tell the other woman. Yes, it's horrible that the person cheated on her, but is it anyone's place to just go and tell them that? What if they don't believe you? That just wouldn't be my place to enter into their relationship that way.
Ou.. I remember this episode! I also remember getting mad at Jill for doing that to Tim.
Jill acted like almost any other girl would. Looking out for the friend but if she knows dirt she'd tell.
Tim just gave in because she knew him too well.
It's too hard to answer but if I had to pick, I'd say it's Jill's fault because she was curious and wanted to know what was going on. I wouldn't want to ruin my friend's trust and the s/o's, so I would tell him what she told me and tell her what he told me, so they'd be equally mad at me. Depending on how well I know my friend, I might not even say anything.
You have to know who is more trustworthy. The title 'husband' or 'best friend' is really meaningless in a situation like this. It doesn't matter what their title is if they're not trustworthy. We all know people who can't hold water and therefore shouldn't be told anything that you wouldn't want repeated no matter what their title or position is in your life. The 'friend' had to know there was a possibility Tim would tell his wife and Tim had to know there was a possibility Jill would tell her friend. So....
Wow, I think both are wrong in a way.
I value my friends trust and my bf's trust very much. So if I were told by my bf that my best friend was being cheated on, I don't know what I would do. Depending on how bad the story is. I would probably talk to my bf about telling my best friend.
yeahh, i'd blame jill for that one. it's one thing for tim to tell his wife but totally another for jill to go out of that realm and interfere with another couple's marriage. it's really not her business or her place to say anything, although her intentions were good.
i'm more likely to tell my fiance secrets than my friends.
honestly, the husband cheated and it was a huge ass mistake. the wife is a victim and she has the right to know she is being hurt. if i'm tim or jill, i will choose to protect the victim. afterall, the husband did do something wrong, why should i help him with his mistake? and hey, if you have the guts to cheat, have the guts to face the consequences. you can't hide forever and attempting to blame others is simple fruitless.
that being said, i do not agree with jill telling her friend because it is really none of her business. when i said protect, i meant looking out for the wife and making sure the husband stops cheating over and over.
WOW. i see most everyone above me blamed Jill. i personally feel that you cant blame anyone. Tim got dragged into it & then Jill told the victim and true, both Tim & Jill broke trusts. But it realllllllllllllllllly depends on the situtation, given the example provided, I felt that Jill did the right thing. How would YOU feel if your friend knew what was going on and they hid that from you because they didn't want to betray their husband's trust?????!!!!
I don't value someone's trust over another person simply because we're in a different type of relationship (Friendship vs Romantic Relationship). Trust is trust. However, with that being said it can be a stronger trust or a weaker trust based on credibility but not whether I value one more so than the other. I value both friendship and a (romantic) relationship equally. I told both my SO & friends secrets, depending on what it is. But do understand that some secrets were meant to be broken, just like rules. It's inevitable. Because if there were such thing as "secrets" it wouldn't and shouldn't have be told to ANYONE.
It all depends on the situation, but in this situation, the best friend's. I would not support a cheater and let him get his way and have my friend suffer. If I was in those shoes, I would want to know the truth if I was being cheated on.
Look at it if it was a family member, would you let your family member get played on?
My boyfriends because I truest him fully. So I would want that ( and do have that ) in return beacuse hes the one I love!
My best friend ranks over my boyfriend. Why? Because my best friend will always be there.
In the situation above, I think the least amount of fault can be found in Jill since she was only seeking to protect the victim. If the husband can't own up to his mistake, why should he be protected for cheating in the first place?
An example from my own life - One night me, my best friend, my boyfriend, and one of his friends were all playing WoW together. My best friend makes a comment about how people are assholes (which was directed towards my boyfriend and his friend because, well, they were being assholes). Within a day or two, my best friend hears from her "boyfriend" that he's done because she's been calling him an asshole, she's a bitch, she never wants to talk or do anything, blah blah blah blah. I see my boyfriend later that day and casually bring it up to him to see if he knew where her boyfriend would get an idea like that. After a few minutes of BS, he reluctantly admits that it was his friend who mentioned that my best friend had called her boyfriend an asshole stemming from the casually mentioned remark in WoW. Then he tells me not to tell my best friend who said it because "She'll start hating [the person] and not want to hang out with everyone anymore."
I told her anyway. Why? Because she had a right to know that someone had taken her casual remark out of context and had blown it up out of proportion. Sure, she doesn't want to hang out with them anymore and is disgusted with the guy who did it, but can you honestly say she didn't have a right to know?
My boyfriend and I trust each other very much, and will usually tell each other anything. But we've never been in the situation of having a friend cheat, or something like that. If my friend told me he/she'd cheated, I'd expect him to tell his other, and if he refused to do so, I'd probably want to do it myself. Love comes before friendship, and I don't care how mad anyone would get at me, if you cheat on someone, they have a right to know.
I don't know how I'd respond to that scenario should it arise.. I feel like that bit of information needs to be revealed though. It's unfair to know about your friend's affair & not tell her.. Wouldn't you want to know if you were in her shoes? I would.. I'd appreciate the honesty no matter how much it hurt. I'm a bit different that way, I guess.
As for your other question, I do know that my boyfriend is my best friend so I'm less inclined to tell his secrets than those of other friends? Not that I do anyway.
it's a secret, right? so... you uhm... tell no one?
doesn't matter how much you trust someone... the only sure fire way to keep a secret is to not tell anyone.
I would probably confront the cheater and tell him/her to tell his/her significant other, or I will. Either way, the cat's getting let out of the bag. I just think that if you have the information, you should tell because it is your good friend. What kind of friend are you if you don't let them know that they are being cheated on?
Sometimes, what a person should do is not the RIGHT thing to do. In the example provided, Tim should've known better than tell Jill, she doesn't need to be drag into it. Tim should've carry the burden of knowing the truth (in this case) himself only. Protecting a love one from any possible consequences of knowing the truth. One thing I have learned is, ALL women TALK. Don't think telling your wife/girlfriend something that NO ONE will ever know about it.
bf..
but i think this goes beyond whose trust i value more but if someone tells me a secret, i have to keep it..
If a friend tells you a secret then you tell no one. I’ve been told many secrets and I never once told my bf. It’s not that I wouldn’t trust him but my friends trust me to not break their trust and I wouldn’t. I’ve never lived with a boyfriend before so I couldn’t say if these secrets would have taken a toll on our relationship but if they had I would have asked my friend if I could tell him. If you can’t trust your friend/boyfriend it’s not much of a relationship.
tim is at fault, he wasn't suppose to tell anyone, including his wife since the secret has nothing to do with his marriage.
I confide in, and trust absolutely, my girlfriend. There are one or two guy friends who I'd turn to, but on the whole there are no secrets between my SO and I, and that's the way I think it should be.
In the scenario above, I believe that Tim was in the wrong in a lose-lose situation. When someone is cheating on somebody, they have a right to know, no matter the source.
If Tim was told in confidence, he should have kept that confidence - especially as it was over a matter as delicate as this one. Jill quite rightly told her friend. What if it had come from another source?
However, two wrongs dont make a right and that's why I say that this is a lose-lose situation.
jill's friend does have the right to know, but jill should have kept it a secret. tim's friend should have just owned up to his wife, but whatever.
i have trust issues... so i don't tell a lot of people my secrets. i'd have to say friends though, because i'm a realist (or "pessimist" if you wish to call it). i'm in highschool and i know none of my romantic relationships will ever fully work out. i realize that's probably not the best frame of mind to have when getting involved with someone, but oh well.
i just can't believe tim didn't talk to wilson about it. if he did, none of this would've had to happened. and then again, tim isn't very good at keeping secrets. if jill suspects a thing, she would probably use "that look" and tim will eventually tell her every little bit of details. ;P
it's difficult to determine which one is at more fault. jill clearly thinks she's doing the right thing for letting her girlfriend knows, however, in doing so she's breaking her trust with her husband. yes, tim got dragged into this, and obviously did something wrong by letting his wife know about it.
"secrets secrets, are no fun, secrets secrets, hurt someone" - elizabeth, stripper; the office, season 3 episode 14 "ben franklin"
My boyfriend is also my best friend, I trust him fully.
Pfft, they're both equally at fault.
Some secrets just aren't meant to be told.