Wednesday, 08 October 2008
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Learning to Love Again
Mr. Giraffe
Nicholas Sparks. He's the kind of writer who makes you root for a couple to push past their hurdles and be together. But then he just throws in a tragedy and you're left crying along with whoever is still alive at the end of the book. I've only read The Notebook but I am no stranger to the film adaptations of his novels. The latest, Nights in Rodanthe, is well-acted (by Diane Lane and Richard Gere) and beautifully shot. And, as with every movie I see, I analyzed it after the credits rolled.Diane Lane's character, Adrienne, just divorced her cheating husband and her children took his side despite living with her. Terrible, right? Of course, they know nothing and she keeps it that way. She goes to an inn in Rodanthe, meets Dr. Paul Flanner and they have one of those great loves that technically only happens once in a lifetime. True to Sparks's style, tragedy befalls and [spoilerish! highlight the rest of the paragraph if you want to read it] one of the characters dies (I won't reveal which for those of you who haven't seen it yet).
I think the main point of this movie is loving again. Both Paul and Adrienne had a bad first marriage. I won't deny that that Paul loved his wife or that Adrienne loved her husband before he cheated. But the love they have together is just on a different plane altogether.
It makes me wonder: is great love really only a once in a lifetime experience? Does it even exist? Have you ever had to learn to love again?
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Comments (28)
You should read more of his novels. I've read almost all of them and they are excellent. Nights in Rodanthe is one of my favorites, along with The Rescue. He is brilliant!
I even had the pleasure of meeting him a few years back and getting his autograph :)
I don't think love really exsists like in movies like that.
I love his books that end in tragedy. I think that "happily ever after" is too predictable, and you don't really learn as much about yourself that way. When a main character dies, the emotional pull is unforgettable. You FEEL so much more when it doesn't end happily. It's really about knowing that you can love again, even if you've already lost it; knowing you can be better just for having loved.
I was just thinking about this last night... not necessarily about Nicholas Sparks' novels/movie adaptations, but different levels of love.
When I look back at my past relationships, I sometimes want to say "oh, that and that happened, so those reasons mean it couldn't have been real love..." or when I look back and know that an ex and I were in love, but shitty things happened, so I wonder if they can no longer count as love, how could that have happened. But things change, and sometimes, so do feelings, people are at times fickle creatures.
I think the main thing that tends to determine what people consider "great" love, seems to always include a high intensity factor (passion), most of the time. I think it all has to do with a willingness to be open minded... if people feel like they'll never love the same again, maybe it isn't b/c they aren't finding the right person, but b/c they don't allow themselves the opportunity to stop idealizing certain relationships/notions, so they might think their first love was their only "real" love, etc. But really, there are so many factors that go into those "love of your life," feeling situations - one huge factor, timing!
Learning to love again, definitely hard, and yes I've definitely done it. Yeah, sometimes I'm guilty myself, of not quite letting myself open to new possibilities... I think that's why it could be hard to love again, b/c the first time around (or after a time you have a truly intense relationship) you think that's it, it could work, and you put your all in, only to find that it doesn't... picking up to do that all over again takes a ton of courage, not to mention healing.
I think maybe a great love/great partnership can have low stats, considering the individuals and their compatibility factors, and how hard it is to find someone who completely meshes with you and all that stuffs, but I think it's also a matter of being open to it. So yeah, I think there's always the chance for great love to be reached again (I like to be optimistic).
[Oh man, I write too much]
Great Love can exist like that - I'm living it right now. And yes, I had to learn to love again in order to experience what I'm currently experiencing, what I'm currently giving and what I'm currently receiving.
And no, I do not believe it is a once in a lifetime thing, it depends on A) the person who has the love to give and B) how the love is reciprocated. -- There are people who do not have enough love in their hearts to be able to give this much. And no love can be great if it is not magnified and multiplied by being loved in return.
Just my thoughts, biased and subjective as they may be.
Great questions by the way....
I haven't seen this movie or read the book... but Oh yeah, I have had a couple great loves in my life, and I did learn to love again after the 1st. After the 2nd, that remains to be seen.
I don't think it has to be only once in a lifetime. But I wouldn't know from experience because I don't think I've ever really been in love.
Who knows. I think great love exists.. but that sounds like a matter of opinion -- "great" love. What constitutes something as great love? Everyone's viewpoint will differ.
I think I have found the love of my life. & yea, I'd consider him my great love. I have never felt this intensely about anyone, nor have I ever been so sure yet so scared that he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. We make each other want to be better people & are constantly on each other's minds. We look forward to the next time we'll be together & always striving to make each other & ourselves happy.. among other things.
As for your other question, I do know my previous relationship wasn't love [it was a high school relationship.. it was hormones-puppy -love-infatuation kind of "love".] so I wouldn't be able to answer the love again but I should think so.. You could learn to love again. It'd be hard but you move on, such is life~ I think you find a different sort of love though.. 'cause all the previous "loves" didn't last for one reason or another making them imperfect but the new love that ends up lasting is perfect for you. When I say perfect for you, I'm not saying it's without flaws but rather you have learned to see past the flaws & just accept the person for who he/she is & just love them with all your heart that nothing can break it up...
@mo_chic_for_jesus@xanga - I agree totally.
@mo_chic_for_jesus@xanga - I agree as well. Hollywood has created "love" as we're raised to know it.
My personal opinion that yes, you can definitely love more than one person in a life time. But at the same time, I think that the first love will always be the most heartfelt.
I think a person experiences love on many levels throughout their life. The goal is to end the series at the person you love at the highest degree.
But settling at a level that doesn't completely encompass and fulfill you, you keep yourself from realizing love at it's fullest. And although it's a gamble, so far it's only helped me keep an open mind and heart.
I sooo can't wait to see that film. I'm so sappy.
@FireMapleSong@xanga - I think that we are just not created to sustain that level of emotion for long periods of time. Sure, we might feel it temporarily, especially at the beginning of a relationship, but that first rush of feeling has to make way for deeper feelings of commitment and friendship.
First off, thanks for the spoiler. Now I have a reason not to go with my sister.
Second off, it is possible to learn to love again, I think. I'm not totally sure, since I am currently in the same process, or at least as close as you can get, to the Diane Lane character.
you can have more than one great love, but it's not going to be the exact same great love. i think a greater love would be to love yourself again. often times when one falls out of a relationship, the person would often wonders whether he/she is good enough for that other person and sometimes blames himself/herself for the breakup. to be able to learn to love yourself means that you believe that being single is sufficient. and that's a sign that a person is ready for the next great love.
@mo_chic_for_jesus@xanga - I think a LOT of those feelings also have very little to do with love and a lot to do with anticipation and sexual attraction. They're not bad, per se, but how can you love some one that you just met? Love is something that deepens over time, and while it CAN last a lifetime, I doubt it only happens once.
I don't exactly believe in magical thinking, and the idea that there is one person out there who I am just totally meant to be with and who will make my heart burn with an undying passion every time I see them sounds not just dramatic, but unrealistic. Besides, shouldn't we aim to live every moment of our lives passionately and gracefully?
I say, achieve love first, and then bring that state of existence to all of your relationships.
great love does exist, I've experienced it. However, I haven't learned how to love again. I've just learned to open up and start giving chances again after a year and a half, but I doubt that I'll ever love someone else to that degree again.
@FireMapleSong@xanga - very well said!
No, you can learn to love again, but hopefully, the first person you commit to as a husband/wife will be your one true love even after life.
I'm still healing from my last relationship. It was a real doozy, I'll admit. I'm over the fact that we've ended (both for circumstances beyond our control) and I've come to terms with everything. But it really is difficult for me to even start interest in anyone else. I'm not sure if it was love, but I will say that its the closest I've ever gotten to it.
And I probably will have to learn to love again to move on with things.
love does exist. it's not those once of a lifetime thing thought and would come as frequently as you allow it to.
And of course it exist, but not everyone is fortunate enough to find it. I guess in truly loving someone, you must first take down all your barriers and love like you've never been hurt before... Love like definitely does exist.. You just have to be willing to wait and ready to it accept when it arrives.
I don't believe in love that is "once in a lifetime experience" or a soul mate. I believe that people learn to love each other through chemistry, loyalty, and respect. I do not believe in cheating to find the greater love. Cheating and love does not equal respect. People who cheats are selfish and unfair to the parties involved. I have seen The Notebook, and I even question if cheating to find love is ever an option.
I loved my first husband, but it didn't work out. I love my current husband, but in a different all consuming, completely trust you not to hurt me way. I think love is better as you grow older and have more life experience, and you can learn to love again. You can definitely love more than once, all loves are not exactly as the previous love, or as defined by movies or standards, each is unique.
I believe great/true love does exist. I believe that there is someone out there that was meant for you but the problem is whether or not you will find that person. I believe but that doesn't mean I don't worry that I will end unhappy.
Anyone who has been hurt by a loved one must learn to love again. But knowing how to show and receive love is not something that must be learned over and over - it is a natural thing for us to do. What we really need to learn over and over is to trust in someone when love is involved.