Wednesday, 08 October 2008
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Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
This is a guest question submitted by cute_sushi.
Is it possible to be friends with your ex? Or is it too risky because there might be leftover feelings involved? If you are good friends with your ex, how did you do it?
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Comments (123)
@NiDH0GG@xanga - agreed. i've never really wanted to remain friendly with any of my exes...like, i actively avoid them heh
unless it was one of those breakups where you both realised you were better as friends in the first place...i know people that have done that, they laugh about it now and are happy with other people.
as long as we ended in good term then more likely than not we will probably still be friend. (after some time has passed) I am still really good friend with my ex.
@BranmacFeabhail@xanga - more than "wanting or not" to me was a matter of "achieve or not". And I can't achieve... :)
just some courtesy sometimes, not to transform into a bad manner person and rude towards her, just being cold and distant enough..
I usually have explosive breakups the result in hatred rather than friendship. This is usually because *I* am the one doing the breaking up. The lingering feelings from the other end of the relationship makes it difficult to keep a friendship.
In only once case has a friendship resulted. This is because he was a logical, intellectual fellow who reasoned that if it is meant to be, the chance will come around again. That, and he knew that I was leaving him for another man, and he knew that this guy was trustworthy. At least I was going to a good guy.
i really don't want to be friends with them...not that i'm an asshole, but out of respect for my current gf, i dont talk to any of my exes...
It is possible to be friends with your ex. My ex and I went out for about 2 years and broke up and became friends instantly. After we broke up I really didn't have feelings for him and I was ready to face the world as a single person. But eventually I found someone new <3 and I don't remember having feelings for my ex. I just see him as one of my best homies now (: and it's also the fact that we both hang out with the same group of friends so it's kind of unavoidable in our situation.
Yea there are some feelings left over. But eventually your feelings for each other disappears. Maybe from you or ur ex seeing another person, time, etc whatever it maybe. BUT if you or ur ex still get jealous over each other than MAYBE it's not the right time to be friends or not be friends at all. But it may also be the fact that you guys weren't meant to break up in the first place.
anything is possible.
I am friends with all my ex boyfriends. One ex boyfriend things always ended and were on and off , because we went out for a long time. But now we both moved on and remained friends while doing so. He is one of my best friends and is there when I need him, because he knows so much about my weaknesses , I sometimes need his guidance.
Although I still have some feelings for him, I'm okay with that, I know in time it will be okay, or something will work out, but he was my first love and I believe some sort of feeling will always arise when seeing him.
<3
It's possible, but i feel there must be a period that you toally don't contact after the break up before you talk to him/her again. For each other to let go of the emotional and physical attachment.
After a while......yall can be acquiantances. CLose friends..... errr no.
Perhaps you can be friends with your exes but that gets complicated if feelings arise & such. I'd say your past is your past & just let it be. You move forward & they were a great part of your past but they don't need to be in your future or at least a big part of your future so I wouldn't even bother being friends, perhaps at most.. acquaintances. :)
There are also certain topics which you never discuss with your ex should you become more than acquaintances -- such topics include future significant others & current significant others. Many people have that problem & end up discussing their current relationship problems with their ex & that's a BIG no-no.
It's possible to be friends with them, but I think you need to give it some time right after the break up.
No, one person is always bitter. Or it's just plain awkward. I'M not friends with MY exes...=)
@billetdoux_xoxo@xanga -
I completely agree. Time is the best medicine for ended relationships!
i'm friends with my ex.. we dated for only a few months and didn't speak for about 8 months. (the breakup was a little fishy) and we ran into each other at the bar and had a little discussion about everything. We just get together and have a few beers or watch movies together. I even take care of his dog when he's gone. The key is not expecting anything out of the newly found friendship. I don't talk to him everyday or expect to hook up with him or hope for any of the feelings to come back. He just always made me laugh and we have a lot in common, so we just don't discuss other girls/guys we're talking to/hooking up with.
It's definately possible, but its really hard. My latest ex was my best friend before we got together. When it seemed like nothing could go wrong, and my feelings for her were extremely high... she broke up with me. On what seemed like one of the best basis' of our relationship;
That she was my best friend. And that's how she saw me.
So we want it to be how it was before, but it sucks a lot. Everything, and I do mean pretty much everything, says you need to not see or talk to your ex to get over them, and I don't want to not see her, but at the same time, I'm not getting over her any faster. Even though originally she was really insensitive to what she'd do/say to her new boyfriend while I was right there, I got the message to her that it really hurt, and she understood because she was in a similiar situation before.
Would have been nice if she was sympathetic PRIOR to my needing to say something was wrong, but I can't expect everything.
with one of my ex's we dated for about 5 months. after we broke it off, a mutual agreement, we stayed friends for the next year. and now, he barely looks at me. it doesnt bother me much, but i still wonder. wtf ever got up his ass.
I think the only way to be friends with your ex is if only the two were friends before that. If the two went into a relationship then it's not possible. It might be.. I don't know but it hasn't worked for me.
It's vpossible to be friends with exs.
I think it's different for everyone.
I have a friend who dated this girl for a year, than they broke up and they've been best friends ever since. It's been quite a few years now.
I also have friends who would rather murder their exes than be friends with them.
it's definitely possible to be friends with your exes. i'm friends with both of mine. the thing is, it takes time. i wasnt able to be friends with them till almost a year later. but now, we can hang out without any awkwardness. :)
I'm "best friends" with my last ex. :) Before we dated we were good friends. I used to chill with him almost every day, or at least every weekend. I'm actually best friends with his sister so even if I wanted to it'd be almost impossible to avoid seeing him (which is something I never had any desire to do, so it worked). Of course shit is a little awkward at first when you go from a relationship to a friendship, but if it's something you want.. you can make it. It took a while to stop calling each other "babe/baby". We didn't date for long, and we broke up back in May. He's dated other people since, and actually has a girlfriend now. I have talked to a few guys, but haven't been in a relationship since him. I'm just the type that usually likes to stay single. I guess you could say he got lucky with me taking the chance with him. ;P
Before we dated, I'd help him with his "girl problems" along with any others. While we dated, I did the same, except for I was his only girl problem. ;P After we dated I didn't see why it should change any. The only thing I ever asked of him was to not try to intentionally hurt me. Like.. If I felt he was playing shit up when his girlfriend was around, or all over her with intentions of hurting me, I'd talk to him. I tell him not to hold back to what he wants to do, but don't go out of his way to try and hurt me, because that will fuck up our friendship. Why would I want to be friends with someone who's trying to hurt me?I'm the type to speak my mind, and be real about things, so we're pretty open with each other when it comes to.. everything.We laugh, smile, chill, and of course fight. :) But we get over it pretty quickly, usually. We talk almost every day. :)To stay friends with an ex, I think you need a little time apart for shit to settle. But after that, I think being open with each other is the best thing to do. But if you have feelings that you can't control where you know continuing a friendship will hurt you, then don't try the friendship until those feelings either go away, or are controllable.
It is possible. But from experience, I've tried being friends with my ex but it just isn't gonna happen.
I remain friends with my exes, but I really only talk to a couple. The one I fell hardest far, I remained to be civil with him throughout the years. It'd be a tougher ride to try to get over the person if you recently broke up with them but time will seriously heal.
Honestly, I've had too many internal struggles with my ex. (He always felt that I had some kind of hidden agenda when we hang out.) It's hard to be friends, but possible. Both parties have to make an effort to build that relationship.
@moritheil@xanga - i totally agree. I think it helps to take a breather for a while of no contact right after the breakup so you know it is a clean break. but how the break-up actually goes and maturely each person handles themselves in the aftermath really matters.
Yes