Wednesday, 08 October 2008
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Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
This is a guest question submitted by cute_sushi.
Is it possible to be friends with your ex? Or is it too risky because there might be leftover feelings involved? If you are good friends with your ex, how did you do it?
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Comments (123)
first things first- if you want to be friends with someone AFTER you date them, you need to have been friends with them BEFORE you dated them. simple as that.
It's difficult to watch your ex be happy with somebody else. I'm friends with all my ex's. But there were some internal struggles involved, definitely. Time heals all wounds, though. =)
It may be possible, but not until it's months or years down the road. The key to becoming any sort of "friend" with then is making sure that you don't attempt it until your feelings have [completely] dissipated. I've never been good or close friends with any of my exes, but there are a couple that I still keep in contact with.
HA. I sure as hell know I'm not friends with my ex. It ended on a fight though, so I'm pretty positive that if it hadn't, we would still be friends.
I think it's possible if you let it be possible. I'm friends with all of my exes, and still good friends with one of them. One of them moved across the country, which is why we're not good friends anymore, but we were close before he moved. Another I tried to stay friends with but he got awkward and is still awkward.
In order for it to work you both have to understand that feelings are gone (even if you still have feelings for that person). If you don't realize the other person doesn't have feelings for you anymore then you'll do something stupid.
Basically just don't let things get awkward. If the other person makes things awkward that's their problem.
On the other hand, if you broke up because he/she cheated on you/ abused you etc you should not be friends.
yes I do think you could be friends with yours ex.
if you really want too ...
thats whut i think about that ...
we ignored each other for a year until we (mostly he) was over it. now we're really good friends again, but we'll never be "BFF" and I never expected us to be.
This, again, is one of those things that depends largely on the circumstances of the relationship and break-up.
its not easy to be friends with someone you had a deep serious relationship with. of the three major relationships of my short life i am only friends with one of them, the only LDR of them all. he lived in Utah and i lived in Florida. he hadnt moved to Utah until after i had known him over a year. it took a long time for me and him to be comfortable as friends after we broke up. we were friends first so we made sure to keep our friendship. still to this day we keep in contact. i have now met his wife and i am kept updated on her pregnancy with their first child. he also keeps updated on my life.
its not easy but sometimes its better to have them in your life as a friend then as nothing. :)
NO! If it's not you with left over feelings, it's him/her.
It depends on the break-up. How do you know he/she feels the way you do? if you 2 couldn't agree on anything to the point of separation...leave each other alone unless you were married for 10 years and have some really personal emotional relationship.
i think after a certain amount of time....
I told mine i couldnt be friends with him for now. we'll see
For me, it's taken a lot of time to finally be friends with an ex. And then, it all depends on how the break up went... But all in all, I'm best friends with my exes now.
i'm good friends with my 1st ex, although it took a few years for us to get back to that point. we broke up after i moved to another country, so there was really no closure. but you know, we were in high school then, and now we're both finished with college. it was a combination of being friends before and maturity level.
my 2nd ex, on the other hand, i'm not close with. that was a fairly bad breakup, and while we were good friends before, i don't see it going past "hey, how are you?" anytime soon, or ever.
my 3rd bf is now my fiance, so he better not become an ex! =P
it depends on what kinda breakup yall had. was it a good or amicable one? was it a really bad one?
I think it is possible to be friends with an ex. While personally I am not friends with any of my exes I do talk to one on occasion and we used to get together to catch up every once in a while (but it is hard since he is single and has a little kid).
I have a friend, that while we never officially dated, there was still feelings involved and when that ended it took a while to get the friendship back. We are slowly working on it but we can't rush things. Wouldn't want to lose the friendship again.
I become like brother and sister with my first serious boyfriend, and then he started dating my best friend. Best thing to ever happen to him! I'm glad about it.
But the most recent cheated on me. I don't even want to consider being friends with him again. I hope everybody who's been cheated on follows that movement. Cheaters don't deserve your friendship!
when you have truly moved on, then you can be friends with your ex...for me it's...never...because when i see my ex, i'm like, eww, what was i thinking. sucks to say that i've only been in one relationship where i involved real feelings...being very afraid of getting hurt. maybe that's why the rest of them didn't work out, and i'm still in the one i invested a lot in.
It depends on the circumstances surrounding the break up;I however, can't be friends with my ex and there is a reason for why he's my ex.
It definitely depends on the circumstances of the relationship and breakup. I am friends with my exes who I was never that serious about, but I'm not so much friends with my exes that were more serious relationships. The only way you can accomplish being friends with exes though is through a lot of effort and patience. You have to keep the lines of communication open, even if they're resistant at first. And you have to be patient if there is any anger there. At first the friendship will be bumpy and it will take a while for feelings to really fade and hurt to dissipate. But if you work through it, it can happen.
Okay, datingish, I'm starting to think you're stalking me, because lately a lot of these posts have been hitting close to home! LOL. I just wrote about being friends with my EX a few days ago: http://www.xanga.com/kaleidescopeeyes88/677204218/the-burden-of-friendship.html
I think its possible, but I've never done it (nor have I wanted to).
I'm roommates with my ex... but our level of friendship varies from day to day... There are days where we bicker like we did at the end of our relationship, and then there are days where it's not strange to see us passed out on the couch together. We go out to bars, I've set him up with girls, I'm dating one of his friends... We play video games together, we do anything normal friends do, except close doors behind us. The one rule we keep is that unless it's a private conversation, we never close doors. We're aware that although there may not be emotions for one another.. there is still a lot of undeniable sexual chemistry... The open door policey ensures that no mistakes happen because we're both a little.. well, excitied... this keeps our friendship more easy going, and my boyfriend is perfectly comfortable with us living together and being good friends.. especially since my ex introduced us, and then was the one making the push saying we'd be great together.. and he couldn't have been more right!
absolutely not.
I remain friends with most of my ex's. It is just understood most of the time. We haven't really talked about it or anything.