Mr.
Lion
Remember
this story? Well, they've been hanging out again. She told him she still had feelings for him and wanted another chance but couldn't be his friend if he decided to go through with the wedding. He didn't speak to her for a few weeks but didn't want a big part of his life to be gone all of a sudden...so he decided to see her.
The past 2 weeks they've been going out to dinner, the movies, even out to drink...sometimes in groups, other times just by themselves. His fiancé knows it's her close friend, so he doesn't mind.
I went out drinking with them a few times. If you didn't know their story, you'd think they were already a couple.
They talked about all the things they used to do, even the stupid things, and seemed to be so in sync.
Even though she wanted him back, she seemed hesitant to do anything drastic. I asked her about it; she said she wants to gain his trust, fill in the gaps from the past few years and whatever happens from then on, will happen. She wanted him to fall in love all over again.
It's going to be tough to do that but I wish her the best of luck. As for him, it's a tough decision. His fiancé is a really nice person, but my friend was also the girl he loved for many years. You doesn't just forget things like that.
Did she do the right thing by spilling her feelings to him? Is he doing the right thing by spending time with her?
If you were the fiancé, would you be worried?
Comments (54)
I think the fiancee is an idiot if she actually knows the full story.
If I were the fiance I'd probably be worried. But I'm glad she told him the truth and it's good that he's trying to see what it could be like with her instead. So there's no question about who he should be with.
This post made me grin like an idiot. It's so like a scene out of a movie :)
My only problem with this is that he's still calling his fiance his fiance while this is going on... if he's not 100% sure he wants to marry her, she has a right to know that. Not saying he should come clean about everything, but it just seems wrong to me that he's doing this all while putting up the pretense that he's marrying another woman sometime in the future.
Nothing wrong with being honest about her feelings, though... If he really were strongly set about marrying his fiance, he wouldn't have done anything about it.
Whoa, home wrecker in training. Seriously, the guy is ENGAGED. It's great she was honest but she is also trying to break them up. That, in my opinion, is a very shitty thing to do. How would she feel if she was engaged and her fiance started hanging out AND GOING ON DATES! with an old flame? All three of them are idiots, the guy is a jerk and she is an asshole.
This sounds like a serious conflict of interest to me. It also sounds like your friend might be serving as a crutch. I wonder how things will go with the guy and his soon-to-be wife if your friend was not in the picture?
I have to say, I think it was really selfish of your friend to do that. She was fine that he was in a relationship with someone else when she was but now she's alone so she suddenly still has feelings for him? Sounds to me like she's just lonely and can't stand to see her ex in a happy couple.
While I'm usually all for "go after what you want," this was selfish of her. She's potentially ruining a very happy relationship for her ex, and like I said before, I don't think it's for the right reasons. At the very least, she should've said something much earlier before they were engaged. It's nobody but her own fault that she waited so long so why should other people be punished? In my opinion it's too late for her to do something like that.
This is sounds like an awesome plot for a Julia Roberts romantic comedy!
@SupperMick@xanga - It sounds a lot like My Best Friends Wedding... which does have Julia Roberts in it. I don't know if you already knew that...
Anyway, I guess I have no room to talk. My past with relationships isn't the best. I would say if she was trying to break them up so that he would be back with her it is the wrong thing to do. If she wants to stay his friend then maybe they should not be so coupley when they are together. I know it is hard, my guy best friend and I always got mistaken as being a couple even though we were both already with somebody else.
That being said I guess I am not the right person to give advice on this subject. I just think she should let him make up his mind. If he is happy with his fiance then she shouldn't try to break them up. If that is not her intention then she needs to be more of a friend and let his fiance know she is only there because she wants to be friends. Maybe trying to be friends with the fiance (if she isn't already) would be a good idea if she wants to take that path.
as a fiancee, i would beat the $%@#@#$ out of my fiance's ex if she tried to pull that crap. then i would beat the #$%@#$@ out of my fiance.
after that, i'd moonwalk outta there.
semi-joking aside, it looks like all three parties are at fault for this:
-the guy for being a jerk. she's your ex for a reason!
-the homewrecker/ex for being a hoebag. it's one thing if you're trying to break up a relationship (still not good, imo); it's another when you're messing with two engaged people.
-the fiance. WAKE UP! this may not be the marriage you're envisioning.
the guy needs to think long and hard about what he wants. he can't have his cake and eat it too...either he wants to work things out with his ex and stop the wedding, or he can end the friendship with his ex and concentrate on his marriage. i'm not one to condone ending friendships, but what is more important, your ex or your wife? i'm all for staying friends with an ex, but not if those are the circumstances.
wow.
someone should let the fiance know what's going on at least. he can't have his cake and eat it to. He's essentially cheating on her. The fiance may know they are hanging out, but without knowing WHY they are hanging out...I bet if she knew she wouldn't stand for it. I have no sympathy for either of your friends. They are both indecisive about who they want to be with and seem to forgo the actual commitment part. The fiance seems to be the real victim in this scenario.
Wow...so this story got complicated. The fiance needs to wake up because trust can only go so far. At some point, she has to realize that he is hanging around his ex way too much and there might be more than the eye can see. Does the fiance know the full story?
Also, your friend is purposely trying to cause problems. It's kinda selfish. Anyways, best of luck to all involved
That's just messed up. I understand she had to tell him her feelings or she couldn't live with herself but that's just wrong of him to hang out with her one-on-one & act like that. It comes off as he's not sure if he wants to marry his fiancee & exploring his other option & possibly has feelings for his ex. I dunno what he really wants but either way, someone's gonna get hurt. I also can't believe he's betraying his fiancee's trust by hanging out with his ex so intimately. I think he should come clean to his fiancee & perhaps be single until he can figure out which girl he wants in his life.
I hope the fiancee finds out & totally chews him out for his actions. I'd be more than worried if I were her, I'd be LIVID. That's just unacceptable in my book. She's engaged & seems totally ready to commit to him while he doesn't seem capable of it. He should have just cut her out completely & stopped hanging out with her one-on-one despite how hard it is, if he really meant it when he proposed to his fiancee. If not, he should just tell his fiancee what's going on & let her decide if she wants to stay or walk out. [I'd walk out if I were her. I don't even care about maybe he'll want to be with me more in the end.] That's so greedy of him. He has two girls who love him & trying to figure out which girl he likes better & when he decides, he'll drop one. That's a pretty wimpy thing to do. [No offense to your friend.] He can't have his cake & eat it too.
The thing that makes her actions selfish is this right here: "She told him she still had feelings for him and wanted another chance but couldn't be his friend if he decided to go through with the wedding." It's the dreaded ultimatum and will typically make anyone bend over backwards to ensure that the person will stay in their life if they care for them at all.
Someone should really tell this guy's fiancee that it may not be as innocent as he made it out to be. He may not be truly cheating yet, but there's always the possibility when at least one person still carries a flaming torch of love. Then someone should sit down the guy and explain to him what an effing jerk he's being by potential screwing up his marriage to a woman he cared about enough to propose to by screwing around with an ex that he didn't care enough about to marry. Finally, someone needs to have a serious chat with the ex. Having really strong feelings for someone that you're no longer with can be really hard, but is it worth the anguish and pain you're going to be causing other people (self included) just to get back the illusion of a relationship with someone that's done, over, and moved on? There are other fish in the sea and there's always someone out there waiting for you.
@fayebernoulli@xanga - I agree; All three parties here are drinking their own poison.
I don't think your friend is necessarily a "homewrecker" (though that is the possible result of her actions)-- She's just emotionally messed up. She needs to do what she should have been doing LONG ago-- Recognize that he's moved on, and move on with her own life. She needs to see a therapist. She needs to get over him. And this could help-- If he's willing to break it off with a woman he loved enough to perhaps MARRY to be with you, what makes you think he wouldn't do the same to YOU?
Which leads me to the second party--The guy. If he doesn't actually want to be in relationship with his ex and is only hanging out with her out of pity or fear of cutting her off, then he's a coward who's unwittingly leading his ex on, which will lead to more pain for her. If he is actually contemplating a relationship with his ex, then he's an asshole for not breaking it off with the fiance first. He's basically cheating.
As for the fiance, she's perhaps the victim here if she doesn't know what's going on, and if she loves her guy enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. Or, she does see what's going on is being a total idiot in not forming her own ultimatum: If your heart is not for me and me only, then get the f*** out.
Some homes, if they are poorly built, need to be wrecked. An unfortunate necessity, but if he is having second thoughts, the only proper thing to be done: for the engagement to be put on hold, if not broken. That would be the SMART thing to do, but as I said - some homes need to be wrecked, and either rebuilt, or have the previous occupants simply move into a new one.
Yes, this is bad, but on the other hand - only good can come from the end.
They got engaged?!
I remember the last post quite well, and at that time I don't think they were engaged yet.
I supported the friend telling her ex her feelings before he asked his girlfriend to marry him, but now that they're all engaged and stuff this has been taken to a whole new level.
I'm really glad she told him how she felt, but now that they're spending so much time together after he got engaged makes things really, really sticky.
I think his fiancée should watch out.
I also think the friend should watch out too because it doesn't sound like he's going to be running back anytime soon even if they have been having great times.
If he's honestly ready to get married he should let his ex go, even if she was a big part of his life.
I hope it all works out though, keep us updated!the fiance probably think she has no reason to worry, because her guy hasn't told her the ex is still in love with him. if she knew that, she would have flipped long ago.
I feel bad for the fiancee. I can foresee already that the guy will probably end up falling in love with his ex again.
i think...
whatever is meant to be will find a way to happen. Its no one's fault.
If he can fall for his ex so easily again it simply means that he might no be as in love with his fiance as he thought he was.. in which case its better to end the engagement sooner than waiting until marriage to figure out that shes not the one for him.
Its a test of faith, love, and loyalty.
best of luck to all three!
heres another random thought/insight
many times when relationshiips are failing ppl resort do extreme measures such as proposing to salvage the broken pieces......
if the guy is confused then there could be something wrong with his relationship with his fiance to begin with
dude, he's engaged, i consider that breaking up a future "happy home". maybe he's messed up too and wants the best of both worlds.
Thats wonderful that she was honest, but come on now, he's ENGAGED. He needs to decide what to do NOW. Stringing his fiancee along is unfair. If she knows this entire situation, then she's rather flakey to allow it to continue. If he hasn't moved on, then he shouldn't be making a commitment as big as marriage to another woman.
The fact that he's attempting to be friends with her very possibly means he's not sure if he wants to get married. I don't really see her statement as an ultimatum; if you really love someone but they're getting married, it's hard staying friends with them. I've done that with my ex before (but he was far from getting married), and it was just a simple "hey, I'm letting you know this is what's going on so don't be surprised when I stop talking to you."
However, I think the guy should definitely tell his fiance the entire story if he hasn't. She needs to know the whole story to be able to make the decision that's best for her, whether that's staying with him or leaving. And I also think that if the guy has any amount of feeling for his ex, he needs to find out now where it'll lead--while he's not legally committed to someone else. It's better that it happens now than later on in the marriage.If I was the fianceé this would not be happening. I would have expected my future husband to share that his best friend has romantic feelings for him. I would expect him in some manner to put my mind (though potentially irrational) to rest by limiting their one-on-one interactions. This seems somewhat rude to me. I feel as though he should be aware of his duties to respect the current relationship by not presenting a "couple" feeling with his friend.
She should have addressed her feelings a long time ago rather than risk the current relationship. However, I do believe that in this confession lies another opportunity for them, and a choice that presents itself to the fellow.
He must decide whether or not his current relationships is worth risking for the sake of an old flame.
Someone must get hurt.
That's the end of this story. And, chances are, one of the above relationships will be irreparable.
I have to say that the majority of Mr. Lion's posts are ridiculously disillusioned (i.e. this one). He seems naive and immature, with extremely juvenile and idealistic thinking.
All that aside, I have to agree with most of the previous posters above. I've commented about this before, and my opinion hasn't changed.
This girl is selfish. And by selfish I mean egotistical, self-centered, inconsiderate, and insensitive. She has absolutely no place in this ENGAGED man's life, and if I were his fiance, I would tell him so. She needs to step back and move far, far away if she can't handle seeing her ex happy with someone else.
And Mr. Lion, you're just as bad as she is, promoting this kind of behavior. His fiance is a NICE person (as you said yourself) so does she deserve this behavior from her fiance and this "friend" of his?
Your friend needs to grow up and get her head out of the clouds (and out of their lives).