Wednesday, 08 October 2008
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Why Is Interracial Dating Even An Issue?
Mr. GiraffeAfter seeing the masterpiece Rachel Getting Married (a truly spectacular film; I cried at least five times), there were some lingering thoughts in my head. The title character, Rachel, is marrying a man named Sidney. Both families love each other; Sid and Rachel seem to be one of those couples without which the world will crumble.
Rachel is white; Sid is black. This is a fact that RGM gracefully ignores. No one seems to care (I looked for signs of shock when Rachel's sister Kym meets Sid for the first time--nothing) and in result it is hardly noticeable to the audience.
Interracial couples in cinema always seem to have to fight society: Something New, Jungle Fever, even Pocahontas are just some examples where such couples are told that it is wrong to date outside of their race. But here it wasn't even an issue and I applaud the film for leaving out such a clichéd plot point (not that the film needs any more drama).
Those of you who've been in a relationship with someone of a different race, with what did you have to deal? What is it about interracial couples that makes it such a taboo? Is it possible to achieve the ideal presented in RGM?
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Comments (166)
The big deal about interracial couples is that the world is racist, even if love is not.
I dunno, I think having an interracial couple in a movie and no ones mentions that they are an interracial couple, or comments on it, is unrealistic. It's not really a cliche plot point, it is what happens in real life. Don't get me wrong, I am not against love, no matter what colors are mixing, but SO many other people are that not having any instance of noticing the couple is interracial is almost fairytale-ish.
I know this issue way too well... for me it seems to be usually that the guy's parents and family take issue with me being black.
I was on a date with a guy this past summer and we got on the topic of race and he honestly told me that if his parents saw him with me, they'd "shit a brick".
To be honest, I don't even get why it wouldn't be acceptable to date me. I'm nice!
=[I've never dated outside my race, but I have dated outside my culture. It wasn't an issue, really, except that he lived in his native country and I lived in mine for most of the relationship.
I see nothing wrong with interracial dating, and I definitely do not consider myself racist in anyway. Yet...I am typically never attracted to someone that is not the same race as me. Don't get me wrong, I can always recognize a good-looking guy of a different race, but no matter how good-looking and nice he is, I just don't find myself attracted to him. I think that's what is usually such a big deal: not that people are racist, but just don't usually get attracted to someone of a different race. I don't know if it's genetics or what, but I know a lot of people like me. Not everyone, but most people.
I think the only interracial dating couples that are accepted or even expected are those between white males and asian females....Which is interesting and doesn't help the mail-order bride thing much either.
I don't think race should play a role in dating. It shouldn't matter. My parents wouldn't care who I dated. My grandparents would be a slightly different story, but it still wouldn't matter. They'd still love me and be nice to him.
Slightly unrelated note: I really liked Pocahontas.
@Pterota@xanga - I totally agree. I can't really find myself attracted to someone outside of my race. I can point out some very, very, attractive white men, but that doesn't make me attracted TO them, if that make sense. lol
How about not just color? I'm Taiwanese dating a Korean & while we're both Asian, that doesn't fly in our cultures. My parents are open-minded so they don't count but I know my paternal grandpa would be a little bit annoyed that I didn't marry a Taiwanese/Chinese person. As for my boyfriend's parents, he's the only son so I'm sure there's some opposition from his dad. I don't know for sure as my boyfriend doesn't discuss it with his father but his sisters know there would be yet they don't care.. neither does his mom or grandma. I have yet to meet his father but I have a feeling it's not going to be easy as he doesn't ask about me like his wife or daughters do. I also know he was totally against his oldest child's marriage when she married a Caucasian. [They now have a child & he has yet to hold his first grandchild -- his first grandson!! He has started talking to his son-in-law but I've heard it's a bit awkward..] So I'm expecting to be given the cold shoulder but I'm also going to try my hardest to get him to like me by picking up the language & showing I respect him. I'll let you know what happens when the time comes.
I'm a lot like this rachel character, because we were raised 'colorblind.' Inside of that I have surrounded myself with people with the same beliefs. My family/friends never were shocked to know that my boyfriend (and there's been more than one) is/was not of our race. It just depends on your family's values and beliefs b/c then you surround yourself with those same values, as I've done. Your friends usually reflect yourself (not always, I'm aware), so if something of this sort happens, then you are probably at least slightly uncomfortable inside of it yourself.
I've dated guys in all different races and it's never been an issue. Movies always make such a big deal out of it.
@Pterota@xanga - i'm the same way haha, I have met some very attractive black and latino men (but they are always taken!)..and i tend to find that the darker the skin, the more attractive i find them, if i found them attractive in the first place..
It was really funny and then later I was kind of bothered by the fact that my ex's dad joked around with him saying my family might be drug dealers (I'm Dominican and he was Italian) his dad didn't know I was listening. I think after that we didn't have a chance.
I don't see what could possibly be wrong unless people live up to bad stereotypes others give them. Which just doesn't help their case =/
marriage isn't just about the two people who are "in love." It's the merging of families. i've dated outside of my race before, but i would never marry outside of it. When you marry outside of your race, dealing with in-laws and awkward and uncomfortable family gatherings tangled with language and cultural barriers become an issue. marrying within your race would make everything easier for families and for my spouse and me.
i totally do not care about ethnicity a guy is as long as he's hot, smart & respectful to me...which leads to the funny part which is that i've only ever dated uber-european guys! i went to a really diverse university too, and tried picking up guys outside of my own race, but they were scared of me LOL
a bunch of my friends have dated interracially, and generally the problem has been their families, especially if they were the 1st generation in the US. in my own family, i know my older relatives who moved to the US from europe would definitely give me a hard time about dating anyone who wasn't from the "right" background! :P
i am a product of interracial marriage...
my parent did have problems at first according to my mum... her dad did not even attend her wedding... but...when my bro came(the first child syndrom)... everyone was happy and nice to each other and my grandpa loves my bro...
I actually just posted a blog about this subject yesterday.
I've never had a big problem with dating outside of my race other than the fact people seem to be shocked and amazed when I tell them I'm with a black man. I think its funny, mainly because I simply don't get what the problem is, at least for now days. If it was 50 years in the past there would be a huge problem because people were so closed minded. Now people are a hell of a lot more open to things and yet still make a big deal about it. I really don't think its a big deal.
I'm dating a guy outside of my race and I'm not planning to take him home anytime soon. Though I swear, I heart this dude.
I saw how my mom first reacted when my sis took her boyfriend home; I'm hesitated to go through that. They've been dating for two years, my mom is nice to him and all, but sometimes she'd wish my sis had gone out with some Viet guys instead. Lolz
When I first heard of that word, interracial relationship, I was disgusted. We're all the same, just because I'm dating someone out of my race why do we have to be labeled accordingly?
Being from a Asian family, usually this issue arises alot. But the main difference is whether it's conservative parents or the new age parents. My parents are a mix of both (dad being conservative and mom being new age.) I dated a Caucasian girl for a little over two months. My mom never had a problem with it, but my dad kinda threw a silent fit after seeing me holding hands with her at the mall when he came to pick us up. That was almost 8 years ago, though. Now, I'm sure that I'm more mature, he doesn't really have a problem. However, there are still alot of conservative Asian parents that throw fits about interracial dating. My dad kinda threw the "you have to keep the breed pure" line and also the "keep the reputation of Asian people up. You don't want to taint it" line. Which is believe is utter bullshit. But I have to be honest, I tend to be attracted to Asian girls more than girls from any other ethnicity. But, it's not like I would never consider dating a black, hispanic, Irish, etc. girl.
To remove all forms of racism, we should mix and breed interracial babies. That way, everyone can be beige. Hahah.
It shouldn't even be an issue.
My mom's white and my dad's black. I've never been told that they've been looked at funny or anything like that. Because my dad likes to rant about that stuff (the "white man" keeping us down, etc., etc.), I know they're not keeping any tales of racism from me.
My girlfriend's Hispanic, but we're just about the came skin complexion so I don't think we'll ever get any rude stares or anything.
i blame stereotypes, but i also have conservative chinese parents, so i got jacked twice.
I'm in an interracial relationship and we haven't had a lot of issues with it. Every once in a while, we have people look at us when we're in public, but no one has said anything yet. I don't understand why it's such a huge deal. My mom had a hard time with it when she found out, but she hasn't met him yet either.
hmm...this makes me wonder. i mean, my boyfriend is white, but he's puerto rican, and i'm black but i'm puerto rican and italian...is that interracial? is interracial mainly based on skin color?