This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.Contrary to some hackneyed gender stereotypes, guys don't dislike cuddling. In fact, if I may speak for a population of 3.4 billion, we enjoy the simple pleasure of cradling our partners under our arms at least as much as the ones we're holding.
Yet if there is any truth to this sitcom-tested generalization, I would surmise that the discomfort is more physical than emotional. For men, snuggling can hurt. Like, really hurt.
Whether or not she realizes it, as a woman lays her head slumberously on her partner’s arm, that arm is being steadily purged of all feeling as its nerve pathways get crushed like a souvenir penny. First there's a pain, then an escalating tingle. Come morning, he may not be able to move it all.
Some positions are more neutrally accommodating than others. Resting her head on your chest is always a good compromise, as is a sideways face-to-face embrace. But for many classic snuggles – including the ever-popular spoon – the burden falls directly on us. Frankly, we get screwed.
And what can we do? One need not be overly chivalrous to see the dilemma here. To simply pull away risks waking your bedmate or, far worse, making her feel unwanted. Yet try to ignore it and…well, you can't.
For my part, I'm lucky to have an extremely considerate girlfriend who will make amends to ensure that I retain use of my vital limbs. However, with a more sensitive or dramatic partner, this could easily lead to a confrontation of "Do these yoga pants fit right?" proportions.
So let's talk. Do you often find cuddling uncomfortable? Should a guy shift positions or just suck it up? Do you know of any ways to make cuddling more pleasant for both parties?
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Comments (146)
hmm. I should be more considerate.
Sometimes, we just hold hands, or link arms. It's not as nice as cuddling, but it doesn't crush anyone's limbs.My boyfriend and I enjoy cuddling, and we've found that there is less arm crushing if I rest my head on a pillow behind his arm(that puts my neck across his arm, and takes some weight off). He says he doesn't lose circulation, and it makes my neck feel great
Otherwise, we cuddle with my head on his chest(which occasionally makes MY arm fall asleep, since it's mostly under me). Or we occasionally lay with our backs pressed together and our free hands linked(it's weird, but we like it).
haha... it makes me remember an episode of f.r.i.e.n.d.s where Ross taught Chandler the hug and roll... and Chandler broke Janice's arm..lol
My first thought when I read this was, "What girl takes that as a bad thing, if the guy says 'Babe, I can't feel my arm?'?" But then I realized that there are insecure women like that out there.
I'm the considerate gf. I understand that my head on your arm is going to cut off blood flow, so when we do that, we put his arm at the bottom of my memory foam pillow. My head rests on the pillow, his arm is in the hollow of my neck. I get cuddles, he gets cuddles, and his arm still functions in the morning.
But seriously, if you can't tell her that it's not her, just lack of blood flow, without some negative reaction (cos obviously you care less)...I would be concerned.
Thankfully you don't seem to have that problem.
The guy I'm currently seeing cuddles so much that I feel squished half the time! I love it though. I think he'd let his whole body go numb just to keep holding on. I've dated a lot of guys though that would instead make me hold them. My exhusband and I spent about two seconds cuddling then went back to back. There was no offense taken.
I can't sleep cuddled up to someone, so I don't mind cuddling for a little while and then separating when one of us wants to go to sleep.
I think it goes both ways, I like cuddling and so does my boyfriend. So we try to make a compromise, such as we'll cuddle, but we'll also accommodate for comfort and lay in a way that's more comfortable for him, yet still comfortable for me.
Put the arm under the pillow. Much more comfortable for both of you.
I find cuddling uncomfortable at times.. I prefer resting in the nook near his armpit. That came out sounding a lil gross but it's awfully comfy. I also prefer a pillow be over his arm though for both our comforts. :) My boyfriend has no problem with telling me when he doesn't feel comfortable while cuddling & I will readjust until it works for both of us. I've also learned to avoid his bad arm -- he's popped his left shoulder out wayy too many times that it hurts when pressure is applied on it. :(
@s_h_a_sha@xanga - haha i was thinking the same thing!
@john@xanga - lol...
....cool... great minds think alike... lol
cuddling can be uncomfortable. When I sleep, I personally like to lay my head on a pillow...and well, no offense guys, but your arms are not pillows (usually). Cuddling is not meant to be static throughout any elongated period of time. No need to stop cuddling, just switch it up. And well...when it is time for actual sleep...I am rolling off of my mans arm.
David loves to cuddle and I have to be in the mood for it. He likes me laying up close to him and I usually get too hot laying like that. Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle, just not when it makes somebody uncomfortable and usually it is me that ends up uncomfortable.
When we do cuddle we either put a pillow over his arm or I lay facing him and kind of have my head on his shoulder/chest/arm pit area so I am not on his arm but that way my arm starts to get uncomfortable since I have to find a way to squish it between us.
I love cuddling, and usually the girls like cuddling with me cuz I'm like a big teddy bear, hehe. Another fact is that I'm usually pretty warm. Girls like to cuddle with me when they're cold, and I like it because I usually like it when things are cooler. However, what bothers me is that after a long period of time, the girl would get really really hot after they've warmed up, and then I would start sweating! After that, I don't want to cuddle anymore =P.
But yeah, that's the only aspect that would make me uncomfortable.
Lol, you know, I myself, even as a woman, find cuddling uncomfortable sometimes. Some positions create and off alignment that can have me waking up with a stiff neck lol.....Perhaps this post is the very reason that guys get a bad rap for not wanting to cuddle, you guys are just in pain! aww lol.
I dated a really clingy girl. We would cuddle for a while, but when it got uncomfortable enough and I felt like finally falling asleep, I'd roll over and give her the back... She took this to mean "I'd prefer to be the little spoon" and would cuddle at me all night. Very bizarre, especially 'cause she's a tiny girl.
I think its comfortable and warming having him cuddling in bed with me. Of course if i'm comfortable in his arm, he has to feel comfortable to otherwise wat the point in cuddling when you both can't feel comfort from one another. We lay in a way that is comfortable for him and for me.
Lol, I couldn't help but laugh at this. Very true. I try to be considerate of the guy when we're cuddling and not stay on his arm (or leg - if I'm sitting on his lap) to long. I want him to enjoy it as much as I am but it's hard if you lose feeling in vital parts of your body, haha.
with the female's back facing the male, so the two are in a "99" position, then the male can have one of his arms hugging the female, sort of "exploring"...... if y'all know what i mean :-p
I suffer through similar pains. We go through 50/50 sacrifice and compromise. We take turns on who does what so we share in the pains equally. And since I can understand what they go through, I know how to adjust myself to minimize the pain for them.
But to me, sometimes going through the pain is worth it. At least with my last, it was something I desparately missed. He never liked doing that so my nights were often times "lonely" even though he was right there.
CUDDLING CAN BE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR GIRLS TOO! If I'm laying on my side, my shoulder will usually end up hurting after too long.
Now, if the guy can't feel his arm... he is more than welcome to move... I want him to be comfortable too!
i don't like cuddling when sleeping. i need my space. i'll cuddle for a while but i'll always end up turning away or pushing him away.. he's used to it. i make up for it by being cuddly on the couch while watching tv or something.
If I wasn't in a public place I would be laughing myself to death!
I just mentioned this to my boyfriend last night! He LOVES cuddling and all sorts of snuggly physical contact. I'm ALWAYS worried I'm killing his arm or oppressing his ability to breathe by laying partially on his chest. He's convinced me that I am, in fact, considerably smaller than him and I don't make enough of an affect to cause him much pain--besides, he'd tell me.
I totally agree though, guys get seriously shafted in the cuddling. However, I think it's important that in some circumstances guys don't mind being the ones who are held.
For instance, the other day Stevie (the BF) fell asleep in MY arms. It was so nice! It still "fit" and I got to experience that part of the cuddling. You should try it, ladies! haha
This reminds me of an xkcd strip where a couple cut a hole in their mattress for their lower arms so they could snuggle face-to-face without the annoyance.
http://xkcd.com/335/ <-- copy paste if the link didn't work.
My boyfriend and I have spooned everynight that we've dated. We take turns on who is big spoon and who is little spoon. While it does start to hurt we both know we can't sleep that way all night like in a romantic movie. So we snuggle for a while and then we both get in our comfortable positions for sleep. I've never expected him or he of me to snuggle all night. Even if it's a five minutes, it's better then not at all or a cramped feeling all night.