Miss Penguin I read
this article on CNN a while back about various therapies women with low sex
drives are trying. This article made me happy because it often seems to
like society doesn't care about women's sex drive and that society
believes there is no such thing as sexual dysfunction in women. It's as
if they don't care if women enjoy sex or not.
There's still a bit of
this leftover attitude from long ago that women don't need to enjoy
sex or be sexually satisfied (or that it's natural for women not to
enjoy sex or have a sex drive). They're just there to carry a child as
the product of sex.
First off, that's not true.
If women
weren't meant to enjoy sex, the human race would be much less
reproductive. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable so that you want to do it
and thus procreate. A sex drive is natural instinct. So why is it that
it is almost taboo for women to enjoy sex? (for example, a woman who
sleeps around is a slut but a man who sleeps around is looked upon as
cool? Not fair). Or to talk about enjoying sex. Not that I'm promoting
promiscuity for either gender, mind you (that gets dangerous). I'm just
saying that everything's really unequal sexually for men and women.
As
with all gender gaps, this makes me rather angry. I want to enjoy sex
and I definitely have a sex drive. And I expect a man that I am having
sex with to make sure that I am enjoying it.
And I'd like to think that
if I don't have a sex drive for some reason in the future, there will
be a Viagra-like option for me so that I am still able to have a sex
drive. It's time people started worrying more about women's needs too.
How do you think your libido compares to people your age? Has that changed?
Recommend
Comments (32)
i saw this and i couldn't help but laugh!
Too often, i hear things like "you guys are all horny" and being a guy myself i have to admit that's true! At the end of it all, we all still have sex drives and more often than not the urges to satiate it drives us to desperate measures...or not.
It's nice to see it being acknowledged that not all guys are "dirty men" or "dirty old men" (as the case may be) by comparison, and honestly it makes me feel a LOT better that girls out there have sex drives that demand attention too!
Which brings me to your question - among people my age, i haven't met a single person i know who's as raging as me (or is as open about it as me apparently). Granted that i live in so-called conservative Asia, but let's take into account that i have friends all over the world from Africa to America and Down Under to Japan. :)
And i don't see this trend dying any time soon - i'm still young! :)
I have a low libido compared to other people I think, but it might be because I am not in a situation to really get into myself sexually. My SO and I both live at home, so that means we get zero privacy and even less time to do the deed.
I have way to many self-image, body conscious and intimacy issues to have a healthy libido... Mine is low - I know that, and maybe I do need therapy or maybe I just need to meet someone who isn't a total douche.
I have no sex drive. At all. Completely uninterested in physical intimacy almost at all, honestly.
I haven't really thought about it much, but I guess I have had a low libido in the past, but now that I am with someone I love dearly it seems to have increased, as did my self conscience.
i don't know about other people my age, but i'm pretty sure i have a healthy libido...
i know i've changed over the years, as i've grown older (well, obviously), but, for a girl, i think i hit puberty pretty late. (which might be why i always got along better with guys in high school) but! since i have been a "sexual" person, I think my sex drive is healthy?
OH COME ON.
1. Viagra deals with a heavily-researched field. Most female sexual dysfunctions are in fields that have less previous background research due to other applications!
2. A societal issue and availability of medicine are two separate issues. Pick your poison, please.
3. Most female sexual dysfunction is psychological, not so much biological, so must be treated on an individual basis.
4. We already have (and have had for much longer than viagra!) solutions to dryness.
5. Viagra should, in theory, engorge the female genitals just as it engorges the male genitals. This in itself should be a very easy solution - IT DOES THE SAME THING FOR BOTH GENDERS!
Now, to answer the question, I consider my libido very healthy, thank-you-very-much.
@AllMyNamesAreTaken@xanga - You might be asexual. Google it.
At 33, I'm about to hit my 'sexual prime', which is funny to me, since I have been a borderline nympho all my adult life.
(Oh, my poor bf! Heh.) I adore sex, and I'm very open about it, too.
Yes, the double standard is unfair, but I think we help perpetrate that stereotype, when we women don't really have a clue what we want out of sex (beyond the whole insert Tab A into Slot B, or whatever variation you so choose).
As someone mentioned, low libido is also a product of self-esteem. If you don't feel sexy, you're not going to want to do anything intimate. I actually took a long hiatus from sex, bc I felt so worthless, I didn't see a point in wanting something I couldn't have anyway. (I know better now.
(Though I know there are actually women with high libidos who are inhibited physically--small magic love button, perpetual dryness, etc--from enjoying sex, but most of these obstacles can be overcome with a little research and experimentation. Just gotta not be too embarassed to ask. But that's a whole other blog)
I love sex
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - the only points you addressed were the ones about viagra. I think you missed her talking about people actually caring about womens' sex drive and the fact that people are starting to pay attention to their physical needs, too.
Yes women's low libidos are usually related to a psychological barrier in their upbringing, but your connotation about it is so negative! =p
I hate it when people don't view women as sexual creatures. Recent studies show that some women may masturbate as much and possibly more than men in their similar age groups. I can't believe that some people still objectify women as the means for a man to feel complete.
This is news to some, but women also enjoy sexual contact! Wow! I know! What a breakthrough!
What I hate the most is when other women look down on enjoyment in sexual interaction as a vice. It can be totally healthy!
I also think a women's libido can be strongly affected by her partner. Speaking personally, I find a much greater physical attraction with my SO than I had ever found previously and, as a result, enjoy sexual interactions a great deal more. It's important that both partners are invested in the interaction. If one is not working to pleasure the other, libido will suffer--ON BOTH SIDES.
As for female viagra... I would like to think the situation could be cured without more intensive chemicals being pumped into my body. In a perfect world, you and your partner should be able to get *ahem* creative when solving the problem of sexual stoicism.
I'd say mine is average to high, but maybe I'm just more open about it. But despite having a strong libido, I actually don't have sex a lot. I want to be in a committed relationship before I have sex, and I'm not right now. Honestly, I hope I am soon, though.
something no one seems to have touched on health & your sex drive... ::sigh:: i used to have an uber high sex drive until i got really ill, and it hasn't seemed to recover after that! i am technically healthy again now too ::runs after old sex drive with a butterfly net & jar::
myself and my girlfriend haven't done the deed yet, but we've done everything but and she has a pretty high libido. well, she used to... since we do it every day i think she's orgasmed out all the time. i'm just too good! :)
@daeshii@xanga - "...but I think we help
perpetrate that stereotype, when we women don't really have a clue what
we want out of sex (beyond the whole insert Tab A into Slot B, or
whatever variation you so choose)." I beg to disagree. I think the reason women don't have much of a clue is because of society and the fact that we're basically taught not to talk about sex. And not to have too much of it (if we do, we're sluts). So how are we supposed to know what we want out of it?
@hopelessromantic - I agree that society hardwires little girls into believing we are only vessels for the male member. I grew up in a very strict environment, but I was avidly curious about such things. Add in also that women in general need to feel confident enough not to settle for mediocre performances from mediocre partners.
If you don't like what he's doing, say something! I have yet in my vast experience met a man who doesn't appreciate a little direction, be it verbal or physical cues.
Also, I encourage going against the stereotype (unless you want to be Donna Reed) and indulge in masterbation. What better way to discover what you like than to wander over your own body? Don't want to do that? Then play the blindfold game with your partner.
That way you are blindfolded and can't see what he/she is about to do to you. You'd be amazed what parts of you are erogenous outside the typical regions (genitals and breasts). Besides it's fun.
If you can't quite figure out where to start, then you need a friend like me, who can lead you the right way. (I've been the tour guide in sex shops and the hostess for adult toy parties)
Hmm, I don't think mine is necessarily super low or high but maybe "just right"? Goldilocks would like mine, lol. But yeah, as someone said, our libidos are linked to our confidence/self-esteem, and mine could be a little higher. So, that said, I'm fairly certain that if I lost 5lbs. I'd be looking for sex around every corner. I mean, I'd be looking for a boyfriend first... then sex, because, um, that's how it goes?
i don't think men who sleeps around is cool.. what if they caught some disease?!!! plus, i don't like men who aren't picky..
Xo
I think I have a normal sex drive. It's higher than my boyfriend's though. I don't have a clue what to label it, but, I'm happy with it.
I think, as long as a person's happy with the amount of sex s/he is personally having, then we should leave them alone, regardless of whether we consider them to have a low/high sex drive (unless of course they start sexually harrassing people).
It's whatever a person's comfortable with. If s/he's unhappy, then I'm sure they'll find ways to deal with it.
@thinfriendxxo@xanga - I'm sorry to hear that. I don't think you need therapy though - you're right in saying you need to find someone who isn't a total ass.
I've been called a "horny toad". Not sure what to make of that... Guess it means my libido is ridiculously high. Yay me! Er, or something...
I don't think society so much pushes the double standard on us as much as just the home environment we are raised in. I certainly don't hear from anybody else other than my parents that sleeping around is a sleazy thing to do.
I dunno. I'm just happy I live in America, where birth control is free, and sex runs rampant.
all the women i've been with has just as much sex drive if not more...never encounter this problem. if i had to guess, maybe longer foreplay?
This made me giggle. I have the opposite problem. My sex drive is astronomical in comparison to other women my age. I also have put several past SOs to shame! But that's because I have a disease called PCOS, which makes my testosterone high....Sex drive of a man, parts of a woman...best of both worlds
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - I know. I pretty much came to that conclusion a year or two ago. Unfortunately that's hard to explain to a guy who's into you without sounding like a total bitch, because it sounds like an awesomely terrible excuse.