Saturday, 04 October 2008

  • Is Your BF/GF Too Good for You?

    My_best_friends_girlMr. Giraffe

    Last Wednesday, I saw My Best Friend's Girl. I expected almost nothing from it and was pleasantly surprised. Kate Hudson and Dane Cook had an effortless chemistry and the jokes were laugh out loud. Of course, God, I mean, Alec Baldwin, was also in it and he is a rock star.

    The film actually made some good points about being in a successful relationship. Alec Baldwin's character, Prof. Turner, tells his son (played by Cook) to ask himself two questions:

    1. Is she the best it is going to get for me?
    2. Am I the best it is going to get for her?

    If you say yes to both, Baldwin's character says, then you are in a good, healthy relationship. If either of those answers is no, then some work needs to be done. Considering MBFG is a rather vulgar comedy, I was not expecting such a smart look at love.

    The problem in these questions, however, is often we put our partners up on a pedestal. "I don't deserve him." "She's too good for me." So, I want your opinion. Can we ever be good enough for our lovers?

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Comments (28)

  • Asthma_is_Sexy@xanga

    I don't know how to answer that question, to be quite honest.  I'd like to say that you can't be good enough for your partner, but there are some real toadstools out there that you can be too good for. 

    I think that movie advice is pretty bad, though.

  • la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga

    I can.

    But I definitely think my boyfriend is pretty amazing.  I just won't say he's "too good for me."  If he was, he wouldn't be with me.
  • willow_ann209@xanga

    I think my boyfriend is great. He is the best it is going to get for me. I think I am the best for him too, because he tells me, even though we're really struggling right now, that he's never been happier.
    I used to think he was too good for me, but he's convinced me there's no one better for him, or to him.
  • Nous_Apeiron@xanga

    I don't ascribe to the view that I can be too good for a person or that they can be too good for me. I do, however, think that it is often the case that one person in a relationship may have come farther in their personal development than the other and that it may cause a perception that one is too good for the other.  I've seen that happen in my own relationships.

    Or it could just be that one person has low self-esteem and sees the other person as too good for them for that reason.  Sometimes a partner who is feeling this way will subconsciously sabotage the relationship to prompt a breakup because it is generating feelings of insecurity.

    In either case, it's not that their partner is too good for them.  It's just that they are unable to see their partner as an equal.
  • Endersig@xanga

    I think by definition, you've got to find someone who is too good for you. If you deserve the other person, whenever they faulter, you'll automatically assume you deserve better. It is when we find someone that, in our mind, is WAY out of our league, that we are constantly driven to improve. As long as each person in the relationship is making THAT effort, it is the best relationship you'll find.
  • AnonymousBlonde@xanga

    People tell me that my boyfriend doesn't deserve me, actually.  I probably am the best he's ever going to get, while I could probably find someone who's a bit of a better match for me.  Ah, well, doesn't really matter as long as there's still love in the relationship, right?
  • SeitekiChibiNeko@xanga

    there's a theory in relationship psychology that if either person is actually too good for the other in some way(smarter, prettier, richer), the other person has make up for it by being better then them in some other way.
    in other words, the ugly rich man gets the poor hot girl, etc.
    i think it's pretty accurate; generally relationships don't work if there's an unbalanced advantage on one side.
  • LisiliLostRedemption@xanga

    wow. i actually answered both questions with a yes. :)
    i knew this relationship is the one!

    my first boyfriend put me on a pedestal and tried to give me everything he could, even if i didnt want it. it sucked. he obviously felt he didnt deserve me, and i started pretty soon to feel like i was better than him. (i actually was, but it pushed my thoughs further.) that relationship sucked for me. and the break up sucked for him.
  • xwolfae@xanga

    @Endersig@xanga - i see that logic as kinda flawed, because thinking you don't deserve someone tends to lead to a lot of insecurity, which can tear a relationship apart.
  • newbeginningschick@xanga

    Definitely.


    That's kinda like asking....Can anyone be too qualified for a job???


    YES
  • Dishu@xanga

    I think all you can really be sure of is what you yourself bring into a relationship. You know what you have and where your limits lay. As for your partner you can only really have your own expectations and what they ultimately bring. However, people change and relationships change overtime. So as long as everybody is getting what they deserve and want and the little things don't weight the relationship down, then you have something.

    So, Yes. We can be good enough for ourselves and our lovers.

  • LiLBro3@xanga

    this sounds like a question of self-esteem
  • Agent_Spanky@xanga

    @LiLBro3@xanga - Agreed. :D
  • WhenHateIsTheOnlyOption@xanga

    When I was in a relationship, my boyfriend thought he was better than me. He always made me feel like dirt.
  • eternal_dreaming@xanga

    I don't ever think my boyfriend is too good for me & I'm undeserving of it. Sure I'm surprised at the things he'd do for me but I know I should just be thankful I got so lucky for having a boyfriend who truly loves me. He feels the same too. :D [His best friend told me I'm the best thing that's ever happened to my boyfriend. :)]

    @JalapenoCol@xanga - Well said.. I totally agree! :)
  • y_tc@xanga

    those are really good questions, and it's really hard to answer as well.
  • Wait_by_Moonlight@xanga

    @SeitekiChibiNeko@xanga - I completely agree.

    A "good" relationship is built on balance.  You have to have both feeling really lucky to have the other, or it will never work.  So as long as there is never a feeling of "I'm not good enough/he's not good enough" it's fine.  It doesn't matter, mind, if *other* people think that they're not good enough/you're not good enough.  That doesn't count.  As long as the two in the relationship have the balance, that's what matters most.
  • cazziii_fire@xanga

    if you think your bf/bf is too good for you...shows how low your self-esteem is. =x
  • Ackthp@xanga

    EVERYONE in your life will let you down at some point in time. If you think you can do better, you probably can, but proceed with caution.
  • fredjonma@xanga

    I don't know. I always put the other person on a pedestal, I guess. It's just when you look at her, she's so amazing and I tend to forget how great I am.
  • BLOOMnLUNAtic@xanga

    I say yes to both, but without being too prideful to admit that there IS room for improvement. We have both realized that there are some areas that need revising, but we're okay with that.

    I do believe that sometimes he is too good for me & I tell him that. I also tell him that he deserves better, but not from anyone else. From me.
  • acutenanner@xanga

    I used to think I wasn't good enough for this one guy that I had a relationship with off and on.  I ended up hurting him and sorta "running" away from him. In the end,  Now that I am married with children, I realize that whoever you are with, never think you are not good enough. I learned that it's not up to me to decide. We should give love/relationshp a chance, test the waters, communicate w/your bf/gf about it.    He/she may not think that at all and you should never be unfair to yourself about it either.  Let your bf/gf be the one to decide that before you just cut ties and run off (like I did). After all, they chose to be w/you, just like you chose to be w/them too....The other thing is, you may need to work on your self -esteem and learn to trust and believe in yourself.  Insecurity makes people doubtful so work on having good self esteem, have some confidence.  W/out those, it's hard to get passed these issues..GOOD LUCK!
  • niez_cho@xanga

    Instead of thinking how you don't deserve your SO or vice versa, think about how you can improve. It's a two-way interaction. If both of you are serious about each other, and see that your other half is doing his/her best in the relationship, he/she'll try to improve too.
  • cRyStaL_rAiNe@xanga

    Well we are our worst critics. Critically, I am going to want to think that I'm not the best for him, but because he makes me feel so beautiful and amazing. He treats me like a queen so of course I'm going to think I'm perfect for him and vice versa; he wouldn't do it if he didn't think we were supposed to be together.

    Relationships can be really complex and to just simply pack in those two questions leaves so many factors out of the picture.

  • haloed@xanga

    Everyone has flaws =P

    But my boyfriend and I are the best for each other.

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