This is a guest blog submitted by willow_ann209. I see the commercials for eHarmony at least once a day, even when I only watch TV for an hour. I see the people that have found happiness through this dating service, and I wonder how it works. It's supposed to find you a match based on a compatibility test, right? But what if the people lied on the test...or what if you lie? Are you ruining your chances for love?
My real worry is how they use the tests to match you.
Do they try to find the person that answered the questions like you did? Wouldn't that get boring? It'd be like dating yourself, or the weird person that "just wants to make you happy," so they do everything you want and agree with everything you say. Where's the passion? Where's the heat?
I'm pretty sure my fiancé and I wouldn't have gotten matched if that's the case. We work pretty perfectly together, but we're definitely two very different people.
Now, it's either that or I'm supposed to believe they know how to get the right mix of same and different answers to make a real match. But how do they do that? Every person is different, so how would they know which answers could be different, and which should be the same? It seems far-fetched that they'd really find you a great match.
Do you believe in eHarmony, or do you believe in finding that perfect match yourself?
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Comments (38)
I made a profile for my friend. They asked millions of questions that they want detailed answers on (at least a paragraph). It took me 3 hours, it may only take me 1 hour if it was my own profile. But all in all, I think it's too precise, and you should be on that site if you are looking to marry the next guy you meet. They match you by your personalities, along with what you want in a partner. The other person should match similarly.
Match.com offers a looser variety of choices and is meant for anything from flings to serious relationships to marriage.
Hooray, I'm the first today!
I believe in eHarmony because my band director and his wife of 2 years met there, and now they have 2 beautiful twins =]
Having tried online dating once myself (though not eHarmony), the website that I used was OKcupid (and I think eHarmony is similar test-wise). You answered the question for yourself and then you answered what you would like your potential partner to say (which can be different from your answer) and then you answered how important it was to you. So, for example, it was very important to me that I meet someone who doesn't do drugs, but I didn't really care if I met someone who had different religious beliefs than I do. So the test takes those things into account while judging your compatibility. Because you're very unlikely to agree on everything but some things are very important to me that my partner holds the same beliefs. And you can also request to view reports so that you can see on what things the person varied from you to see if they're important things to you or not.
Plus, it's just a "you might be compatible with this person. Go out with them and see." You get to know people by exchanging messages and then, if you feel comfortable, going on dates. It's not like you have to marry the people that it says you're compatible with.
That being said, I didn't really like any of the guys that OKcupid set me up with, so either I took the test wrong or it doesn't work that well. But hopefully most people know that lying on it gets you nowhere because the whole point is to find someone compatible with who you are.
eHarmony...definitely not. I didn't like any of the guys that they set me up with. I went out with one...he never called again (maybe it's just me?! lol) I tried match.com once and at least there you can go through and look at pictures, on eHarmony you can't...you're just stuck with whatever the computer "thinks" will be best for you.
I actually tried eharmony (paid)...for a few days then I canceled my membership. I specifically said in my profile I don't want long distance relationship and 90% of the matches it sent me was 30+ miles away. The profiles are mostly matched by keywords...for example like "christian", "kind", "loving", etc. The physical attributes don't quite fit neither with the matches they sent me...I am 125 lbs 5"7 but I feel I can easily be overtaken by any of the profiles it tried to match me with...people rate their own attractiveness, so there's a tendency for over-estimating or underestimating. The profile are very detailed and it allows to you gauge your prospects more in-depth, but a lot of people write the same things. People I talked to on eharmony are really nice and friendly, but for some reason it felt kind of unnatural...almost too agreeable...
I tried it because I believe you shouldn't knock it until you try it (while applying common sense), but I don't think I will ever try any online dating sites ever again.
I've never tried eHarmony, and I've never met anyone who has used it before. Maybe I'll give it a shot one day when I'm bored, but I don't like the idea of having to pay for it.
@Trigger821@xanga - I tried eHarmoney once, too. And I agree, the matches were mostly long distance - and that just wouldn't cut it for me.
honestly...online dating has worked quite well for my friends or people I know...but I have tried it and it doesn't work at all for me...maybe its just me as I like to hang out and meet people more than via a computer screen.
i've never done and am not interested in:
online dating and/or speed dating
My friend found his wife on eHarmony. Not what I would personally want. I'm a do it yourself kind of person. If I'm going to meet a guy online, I'd rather it be a common interest forum or something. (and I have done that) But I have nothing against dating sites. I can't see myself letting someone pair me up with some kind of test. I like to see for myself, and if the relationship doesn't work, it doesn't work.
I tried eHarmony. They kept sending me matches from Las Vegas (I'm in SF).
It's not the best nor the worst of the dating sites on there. They have their share of scammers as well. I have a friend on there that's not looking for a mate, but just looking for someone to go out with. Not saying she's a scammer, but eHarmony is all about finding your SO. She's definitely NOT looking for that.
I never thought of trying eharmony , but a friend did and the sad thing was on their first date she tried to get him into bed knowing full well he was strong in his Christian beliefs.
I don't think eharmony could match people up right, or match.com or any dating site. Everyone has a different personality there is know real way of saying based on a test you could find the perfect one.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - I met my boyfriend online several months ago, and we talked for hours for weeks. We met on myspace because he was searching for friends with the same interests. We didn't expect to start dating, it just happened after we met.
it's all fair game.
If they match up the same answers, then it's like this one fundraiser they do at my school. It's called iFlirtz (not sure if anyone heard of it) and it's all for our entertainment and enjoyment though. They rank 10 people who are most compatible with you. Based on my affiliation and relationships with the people on my top 10 lists, I don't consider this iFlirtz to be %100 accurate %100 of the time. A few people do put false answers though to screw with the results.
Then again, no institution is perfect. I suppose it's all trial and error; if it doesn't work out with one of your "matches," try a different one.
I propose another question: Should people rely on dating web sites to find their SOs?
Nah, I'd rather trust my instincts than eHarmony. No one wants to put themselves out there, but eHarmony just seems like a futile way( not to mention I don't wanna pay for someone to hook me up!)
I've never tried online dating nor do I plan on it, but I do know a few married/engaged couples who met on there. It is so surreal to me! But it's cool that it worked for them and I don't necessarily think that there is anything wrong with it. I'd rather meet some one in real life, but I would so sign up a friend for one of the online dating sites. It sounds like it'd be fun to find matches for them.
I'm done with online dating...I tried OKCupid, and now I have three male friends, lol. I wonder how many people who used eHarmony and other dating websites that married got divorced? How long do the marriages usually last?
I personally think it's best to meet someone in person.
I guess it works for some people, but I really have to meet someone in person before I can say if I'm really attracted to them... Cause there was a guy my sister tried to set me up with once, and he was really nice online and stuff... and I met him in person, and his build and stuff really just wasn't my type. And he was a really nice guy otherwise, and would have fit a lot of my specifications... but yea. My boyfriend now might not fit all those qualifications as well, but I'm much happier with him. >_<;
I actually signed up for e-spin the bottle just because I liked taking their quizzes...
I unlocked "What Did People Do to You?" or whatever (Throw-Up in Mouth, Throw Up in Mouth, and High Five, if you where wondering), but the whole concept just bored me.@MustangSally04@xanga - eHarmony was a no-go 4 me too. *
Is it the best way to meet someone? No. I've tried a lot of sites and ended up meeting my current beau on a free (that's right absolutely free) site called PlentyofFish.com! What helped me (and my dating confidence) was trying a lot of different dating approaches (online, through friends, events, bars, etc.) at once. Don't put your all your eggs into one dating basket!
i had an OKcupid account as a joke, but then a bunch of my friends signed up for it too. they've all gotten dates from the site, and some of them ended up being some relationships.
i think sites like OKcupid aren't much better then randomly meeting people where you go, but if you're like me and enjoy things like swimming, hiking, and reading and don't like going to bars, you're not likely too meet many people that way! so sites like OKcupid have their uses for people who don't like bars i guess?
@Trigger821@xanga - @merridian@xanga - There is one other flaw in the dating sites like eHarmony and ChristianCafe.com, True, Match, etc. They keep profiles that are closed or abandoned, and present them to you as if they are still active. That's how they "pad" their lists. (in Stewie's voice) "Guess what I have for you!"
I've seen many refer to it as "meHarmony" because they think that the compatibility factors that it follows to match you up, are going to result in someone like your self. That's untrue, as many folks have already shown above. The things you would value in a match might be intentionally different to offset your own debits.
@supersteller@xanga - No, no one should rely on any one method to find their SO.
@cute_sushi@xanga - @xwolfae@xanga - Man, I don't know how anyone can get married by NOT meeting one another in person! No matter how they met to begin with, there is always the courtship that explores the relationship on an deeper interpersonal level.
@SassyGrrl25@xanga - @SeitekiChibiNeko@xanga - You've got the right idea
. There's no reason to limit your options.
I am in the older population, and as one of my best dates that resulted from an online profile said, "The pool of candidates at our age gets rather shallow." The alternative to dating sites or friends offering referrals is to be cruising your church, place of work or other social circles like a predatory shark, trying to see which appealing person is unmarried, since so many are.
Instead, I go ahead and fill out all the freebies I find, and then let it go. As it says in my profiles: "I am not desperate to find a person to marry, but if this is where I might meet someone who is interesting, why limit God?" I will pay for one or the other as my income allows, usually with only one paid account at a time.
What's also neat is that just by being an online dater, is that I have another kewl topic to discuss when I am with a social group.
The thing is, ALWAYS make sure you are safe in meeting others from the internet. Here are my rules: 1) we meet in a public place, and you don't know my last name to google me with - yet. 2) If we want to know more about one another, then not only do we share last names, but give me a Pastor or friend who knows you that I can call and talk to. I would have already talked to you on the phone, so I'd know if it was you I was calling. 3) I'll either have a friend come with me and then leave after they've been introduced to you, or they know where I am and when I am checking back in with them via phone or a debrief visit. 4) NEVER ride in their car alone with them until you have verified who they are! Never give them your home address or landline phone number (they can find your address by using it) - especially if you have female room mates or children to ensure safety for!
No. I hate these kind of things.
no, it's not...well, i guess it works for some people. but my main gripe w/eharmony is that it doesn't present a choice for body type desired. i'm a bigger lady or bbw, and i would like to be matched up w/guys who are open to dating a plus-sized woman. but because there is no "body type" option, what happened was that i had paid for three months to get matched up with guys who weren't interested in getting to know me because of physical appearance. as soon as they would see my picture, almost invariably the men would close me out.
that's their right, of course (just as it is mine to not want to date certain people either), so i'm not griping about that. but the point is that if the body type preference were there, the system would give a more accurate idea of who would potentially be interested in me (and vice versa), and so i'd know whether or not i should've spent my money that way. as it is, i think it could've been spent a lot better elsewhere. i think that most other websites are better, at least when it comes to this issue.