This is a guest blog submitted by lovemasquerade.Recently I met a guy online who happens to be from my school. We hit it off pretty well on issues such as sex and all - more specifically, we were both quite sure that we were only in search of a fling with no feelings attached.
So one day, he invited himself over to my place because my family was out. Apart from the conversations we had online and SMSes, we barely knew each other except for our names. I thought our first meet up was to going to be getting know each other better and, at the most, to make out. Usually I do that with other guys I'm gonna meet for the first time...though not at my place.
We went further than that and had sex.
I was pretty disappointed with myself and I took the morning after pill just in case. I was also really worried because it was unprotected and I have zero information about his sexual history.
I told a few close friends half of the story (without the sex part), and they said my behaviour was unacceptable because I shouldn't even be making out with someone I barely knew!
Imagine what would happen if I would've told them the whole story. I hate it when people judge me for this sort of thing.
I personally feel that I am just very open-minded, and in more westernized countries, this sort of behaviour should be fine. However, I have to accept the fact that I am living in Singapore, a country that is still not very open about such issues.
My friends actually make me feel quite guilty that I had sex with someone I'd met for the first time. One of them even called me "loose".
Worst of all, my girlfriend told me that this guy added her on MSN as well, telling her that he added her by mistake because he thought she was her classmate.
He used the exact same pickup line he used on me.
I feel kinda cheated but then again, I do not exactly feel remorseful that I agreed to meet him.
My question is, is my behaviour really that unacceptable? I have made out with strangers at clubs but have never gone as far as having sex with someone I barely know. Moreover i'm only 17, so am I too young to be that open?
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Comments (157)
Because you feel so guilty about it and because it's eating you apart, I say yes, you're behaivor is unacceptable. If you're not the type to have one night stands, let this be a lesson to you so you won't feel like crap the morning after.
Either way, don't let your friends get at you even more. If they are as young as you, chances are that they themselves may have a one night stand...but then again, it is Singapore, I don't understand that culture very well.
theres nothing wrong with a casual fling, IMO. I met someone online about a month ago. our first meet up, we went to eat, but were only together for about 30 minutes. we made plans to hang out later that night and it turned into sex. we have been having sex ever since.
its your life, you do what you want to do. if you dont feel comfortable with the decisions you made, then maybe its not the lifestyle you should choose. your friends may be calling you loose because they care about you.
however, if you are going to continue to indulge in this behavior, get smart about it and use protection, every single time. sex is never worth gettin an STD (or STI) or an unplanned pregnancy.
Well. Having sex is your own decision- however given the culture you're living in, I do not blame your friends for calling you 'loose' though it's never fun to hear that...
NEVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX! If you decide to have sex, please please please either make him wear a condom, or do something. It's just not something to mess with.
In conclusion- I know things happen. It can come quickly and unexpectedly, and I'm not going to judge you for your actions. But, be protected, have no regrets, and just be safe!
Best of luck
oh, sweetie, don't worry!
don't listen to your friends.
if you think what you did was okay, then you have nothing to worry about. (you just have to be comfortable with yourself.)
i hope you get through this; good luck! :)
It's only unacceptable if you're that bothered by it. & honestly, you need to be wiser. If you're gonna do something like that, you need to be safe. Personally, I don't condone what you did [I think you need to have a little more respect for your body] & I can understand why your friends called you "loose" but you shouldn't allow that to bother you. They say that because they care.. so you should be grateful you've got such good friends.
Let your judgement be your guide. If you're regretting what you did, it may not be the best means of living for yourself. Don't let others set moral standards for your life--they may be able to influence and guide you, but you have your own life.
It's is likely that they really care about you and don't want you to get in over your head. Don't be mad at them, take their angry words with a grain of salt and use them as best you can to shape a future in which you won't feel guilty.
You did it and it's done. You may feel bad about it some days and excited about it on others. But once you can accept that that it happened and you can't erase, I think you'll feel better. Living without regret takes time, but it makes things easier.
Do you think you might actually end up liking him if you knew him better? That's something to think about it.
As for him picking up on your friend... that is completely wrong. Ask him what his intentions with her are. If he wants to hook up with her, drop him regardless of how you might feel about him.
We've been raised in a world where we are taught that it's wrong to satiate our sexual desires on a casual basis. The fact that you had sex with him doesn't mean you're not a genuinely good person. So what if you had sex with him? It's not really a big deal. Sex is a primitive instinct and urge that all humans experience, similar to being hungry. Having sex is just like going out to dinner. Porn is the fast food of the sex world, and the intimate love making is the fancy 5 star french cuisine. Don't feel bad that you had sex with him, enjoy it cause..well...it feels good.
I'm seventeen too and I did something similar recently (except that I knew him a little better and I thought it was protected at the time)
The older I get the more ridiculous names like "slut" seem (or "loose," I guess? Never heard that one before. It's not looked kindly upon in America either, btw) It's my choice and my body, and I shouldn't be limited by others' closed-mindedness.
Still, I wouldn't exactly rush to do it again, and if I did I would definitely be more careful about protection. It's good to hear your point of view, though :)
One night stands... Not as fulfilling as a deep intimate love making with someone you really care about.
I wouldn't say your behavior is unacceptable, especially this day in age. I just think you're selling yourself short.
i can't help but think "what are the other people who have already commented thinking" - don't misunderstand, i'm not saying they're wrong, but i think personally i just don't understand what they're saying. :D Sorry guys if i repeat what you already said!
I live in singapore too...and i have to tell you that this thing happens more than we in Asian cultures care to admit, what with our "conservative moral code" (my ass). I won't deny that what you did was potentially dangerous, but the point i'd really like to bring up is how you feel about it.
I for one have had similar experiences, so my views my be skewed, but if you're feeling guilty about it - chances are, as much as you might have enjoyed it, you knew that something wasn't quite right and perhaps now you seek justification and someone to tell you it was. Contrary to that, only you can decide whether that should have been the case - you answer to yourself, your parents, but most importantly to God.
As for the people who condemn you - don't take their words to heart. I received the same reactions from people and i've come to realize (a few months later) that these people were never really friends anyway - true friends accept you for who you are, and help you along the right path; if you're on the wrong path then they won't force you to come back - just catch you when you fall.
Yo, just wrap it up.
It isn't ok because you could have gotten preggers or gotten some nasty disease.
If you can sleep at night be fine with it. Then there you go.It may not work for everyone, but if it works for you, do what you do.Or do who you do, rather. With a condom of course.
Too young to engaging in random hookups? No. You're at a very exploratory age as it is. But it sounds to me more like you hook up with these guys because you need some sort of validation. You need to be comfortable with yourself (and know how you feel about what you're doing) and not care what others think before you're ready to be engaging in sexual activity.
And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS use protection if you a) aren't on the pill AND b) - and this is the MORE important one - don't trust this person with your freaking life because, personally, if I got an STD, I would consider my life basically over. And it sounds like this guy is probably sleeping around.
Get yourself tested ASAP. And get to know yourself a little more. If you don't know if what you're doing is ok, then wait until you figure it out for yourself. But don't let other people tell you if it's ok or not. You have to know whether it's ok with you.
It was unprotected?
Ahhhh. That's not good, at all.I'm glad you were able to get the morning after pill but I think you should also make a appointment to get tested.While I'm no stranger to the one night stand, I always always always use condoms (and spermicide if I have any). In fact I didn't even let my boyfriend in high school have sex with me without a condom when we first started.
I can't say anything about your age (I was 18 in my senior year of high school when I had sex for the very first time- I'm 20 in a few months, so as you can imagine it wasn't too long ago for me) but I'd just recommend that you slow down for the time being and take some time to reflect on your feelings.
I hope it all works out for the best though, and don't let anyone make you feel bad for what you believe or do. In the end it's your life you're living, not theirs.
people do whatever makes them happy.
ask urself if you're happy. if ur happy then it doesn't matter what others think. ur girlfriends are there to look out for u. they noe u best. u should probably listen to them and take heed to their advice, but u dont have to tolerate them judging u. that's not what true friends do.
anyway, i thought everything was fine up until i read that ur 17. girl, ur too young to be doing shit like that. i dont noe what im opposed to exactly--the fact that ur meeting ppl online or the fact that ur having sex as a minor, but hey, ultimately ask urself that question.
ARE YOU HAPPY? if u cannot honestly answer yes to that question, then u need to make some changes. time to re-evaluate what's important to u in life.
While having no strings attached sex is one thing, you need to be careful of yourself. I don't care if it's awkward, you HAVE to know his past, especially if you have unprotected sex.
Sex is fine, but be careful, be conscious, and respect your body enough to make sure all precautions are taken, even if that just involves getting his sexual history and current up to date testing.
Just reflect on why you want no strings sex...are you happy this way? Is it what you really want, or what you feel you can get?
Things happen. Sometimes, a day or two after sucks when you think back on what happened, but you have to move forward. Now that you've done it once, you know how the after effects can be, so you'll know what you are getting into next time.
Your friends care about you. :)
And remember to always use protection.
assuming the whole STD + pregnancy issue is ok (note, just because you took a morning-after pill does not mean you can't / won't get pregnant from this event, check yourself out)
this stuff happens, think/cry/feel stupid about it/reminisce for a week or month and then move on. The longer you think about it though, the more it will bother and eat at you.
If you think there's nothing wrong with it, then there isn't. But clearly you feel that there IS something wrong with it, so in this case, it probably wasn't the best decision.
But you can take this experience and learn from it. It sounds like you made a good choice by taking the morning-after pill. Did you also get tested for STDs?
For the future, do what you think is right by you. If you don't think what you're doing is a positive thing, it's in your control to stop at any time.
Whoa man, your story seemed alright at first. . . until BAM! "Unprotected sex" came up. . . but then I presumed you were mature, since you took the morning after pill. . . THEN, "whoa *ding* ding* ding*." I read you are only 17. O_O
This explains your rash behavior. I myself am 17, so I understand how you feel. And I think you feel bad because you didn't think this one through. You were caught in the heat of the moment so much that you couldn't even protect yourself! The pill doesn't protect you from the icky stuff out there.
Why would you have sex with someone you barely know? It's like playing Russian Roulette to see if you're going to catch some weird disease. I bet you if he would have sex with you on the first meet, he probably did it with other girls too.
Don't mind me, I'm jumping to conclusions while simultaneously being somewhat logical. I don't mean to chide you either, but watch out for yourself girl. There are some sick people out there =(
And hey, if your friends can't be supportive and tell you that wasn't the greatest thing to do esp without a condom, maybe its time to get new friends who aren't so harsh.
Be careful.
lots of stds and why are you offends that he is using the same line on your friend? You guys aren't just FWBs only to eachothe right?
Learn more about his sex history and go to checked up at planned parenthood.
And PLEASE use a condom.
Be safe.
Xo
you've got lots of good responses and what i'm going to write is nothing you haven't heard. we might not share the same values so i'm not going to tell you if your behavior was acceptable or not. but, please, for your sake, the guy's sake, and anyone else in your life- please never have unprotected sex. it's not just about the possibility of getting pregnant, but about the diseases you could possibly contract. it's so not worth it.
if you feel bad, then learn from this experience. don't be too hard on yourself, just learn and apply.
take care of yourself!
Think about how you feel. You do feel guilty, so obviously, you do have a notion that your behavior was unacceptable. Friends try to look out for you even if they use tough love on you. You're young. Live your life, and do what you please. But, prioritize what's really important for you. I'm not that much older than you, and I don't even want to make out with strangers at clubs. Personally, I don't agree with your decisions, but it's your life and you can do what you please. Just think about the future for a moment. Unprotected sex is just not the way to start things off. You live and learn. That's life.
Keep on Swingin'
@hurthatelove15 - I totally get what you mean; however, do you think a comment will suddenly change her mind and she'll automatically listen to you? There's no point scolding her. She has her own mind and right to do what ever she pleases and if that includes promiscuity, then so be it.