Wednesday, 01 October 2008
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Featured Comment: Is Having An STD A Dealbreaker?
Mr. Lion's post on knowing your partner's history struck a nerve:
la_faerie_joyeuse wrote, "I would...not like to date someone with an STD, OR a promiscuous past. Most people with an STD obviously do not think ahead to the consequences of their actions, and THAT trait (not the presence of the STD) is what would be the dealbreaker for me."
Pterota wrote, "Just because someone has had or does have an STD does not make them a bad person or someone not worth dating."
Would you date someone with an STD?
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Comments (83)
Date: maybe.
Sleep with: no chance.
And, just because I've never had the chance to say this: OMG, FIRST! :p
Umm... no. I honestly find way too much risk in that.
If someone has an STD, it gives off the impression that she may be a potential sleazeball, which is a definite turn-off for me.
I dated a girl for a while that got an STD from a previous boyfriend that was cheating on her...she thought they were exclusive. It was definitely a turn-off, but looking back on it, was a bit unfair of me to judge her for it. She was a good person, and would never cheat on her boyfriend (she loved me to death). Technically, this could have happened to anyone, although I've been fortunate enough to have never had one. The only 100% solution is not having any kind of sex. Since most of us are sexually active, the math behind it says the numbers will continue to increase.
no
I considered it when I was dating a guy who later told me his ex wife cheated on him and he got an STD, when I stated then sex wouldn't be an option unless we were married etc...he still kept trying to get me into bed! And he knew he had it and the he'd give it to me! So he knowingly tried to give me an STD. SO now after that...NEVER
A friend of mine has an STD and she got it from her monogamous boyfriend who was carrying it but wasn't showing any symptoms (men often don't with this particular STD) and he doesn't exactly sleep around either so he also got it from someone he was being monogamous with.
You never know the circumstances behind the situation, so talk to them about it. Promiscuity isn't always what leads to STDs. And if they're open and honest with you from the beginning that shows maturity because it's a really uncomfortable thing to talk about and they care enough not to spread the STD around more.
STDs happen, and not all of them are permanent, nor the result of a person being a sleezeball. It seems to me that the majority of the folks commenting on Datingish blogs are young adults along with a good many still teenagers. As one grows in years and experience one will probably come across more such scenarios in 1st and 2nd hand life experience and opinions will at the very least become more informed and compassionate (even if they may stay the same). May STDs generally decrease until erradicated from the face of the earth, but in the meantime... some of them can certainly be managed while a person is in a relationship with someone. So no, I would not immediately dismiss a relationship just because a person has an STD. I'd learn all I could about it first and then see if it's still feasible.
it depends on the severity of the std. if it's treatable, and they're getting treated, and they're not putting me at risk while they're contagious, that's okay with me...
I'd date someone with an STD. As it's been mentioned before, not all are permanent and precautions can be made to prevent them. You would have to examine all of the pretenses around how it was contracted. Not everyone who has an STD is a skeezy, sleep-around kind of person.
Let the judgment commence!
I might date someone with an STD. I would not sleep with them if they still had it. I would insist that we both get tested and then take it from there...
If they got it through rape, that's one thing. But through sex or infected needles? No.
-If you're having sex with a new partner, and either of you has ever had any sort of sexual past, you both go get tested before you have sex together.
-If you cannot trust your SO to be monogamous, you shouldn't be sleeping with him or her. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just means you lack judgment, and I don't want to date someone who has poor judgment.
@merridian@xanga - Good point - I'm 19. Though, there is nothing mutually exclusive between compassion and saying I won't date someone - I'd imagine you probably wouldn't date a battered woman from your local shelter (if you're straight), or a homeless man with a drug addiction. People with STIs aren't necessarily like this, but everyone has stricter standards for who they date then for who they will befriend or try to understand.
Maybe more wisdom will come with time. Thanks for putting it back into perspective.
I don't necessarily think that because a person has an STD then they should be blacklisted. A lot of people walk around not knowing that they even have one...so really, unless you go get tested with that potential significant other, can you verify that they do or do not have one.
Personally, I only "date" my husband, but don't think the STD is the biggest determining factor. I think how and why they have the STD would be a better indicator to what your choice should be. Certainly getting a good idea of what their true character is before engaging in any behaviors that would put you at risk is a good idea.
I thought hard about this, and the answer is no. Too me, the purpose of Dating is for marriage and I couldn't date someone with an STD. I don't want one, and i don't want to worry about catching one. Seeing as though i want children we would have to have unprotected sex, and i wouldn't do that knowing that this person had a STD. So...i know there are may ways to contract an STD and there are some people who may contract them and its out of there hands i.e. rape and things of that nature. But i wouldn't knowingly involve myself with an individual who would put me at risk.
Sure, especially if it's a curable one. If it's not curable, I might have a harder time, but if I really liked the person, I'd probably still date them anyway.
I don't think I can be with anyone who has STD. I am not judging that person as much as I am having a problem accepting the STD. There could be a multitude of reason why that person has STD but STD is STD. I think it would put an emotional and psychological strain on the relationship.
If it's cured, yes. If not.. most likely I will never ever sleep with them and the relationship will go no where. It's important to be concerned about yourself and your own health.
Date, perhaps I would have, and perhaps I have. Marry, no way.
no way man, you nuts?
I would. I mean, sure, it would be a bit "awkward" at first, but you know, just like Pterota said, "It doesn't make them a bad person." It's kinda like someone who smokes. It doesn't make them a bad person, but some people might date them, some people won't. I wouldn't mind dating someone who smokes, or in this case, have an STD. Some people just think way TOO far ahead, like they're gonna have sex with them right on the dinner table in the restaurant. Hahah.
NO
Total dealbreaker if the person sleeps around. I do understand that people can just be dominant carriers for some STDs..
However, if the guy sleeps around, I wouldn't bother dating, let alone get into a relationship.. that's just me. I'd like my guy to never had slept with another person. Also, I don't see a need for casual dating.. I date only if there's relationship potential. I know that's not like others but it works for me 'cause I get to know the guy real well & if he's date-worthy. :)
ometimes its not all by choice of lifestyle or a poor judgement that a person can contract an STD. Take for example, Hepatitis B ... A child can contract that through vertical transmission from a mother during birth. If they aren't administered the vaccine, they have a high chance of developing the disease chronically. Then they'll have it for the rest of their lives ... is it fair to be 'black listed' for something that you were not given a choice on?
I agree that there are complications in deciding to be with someone with an STD, but that does not make them a bad person who lives a risque lifestyle. There may be a multitude of reasons as to how they contracted it .... may it be that they work in the health care industry, through blood transfusions, etc.
be careful, but don't be so quick to judge!