Tuesday, 30 September 2008
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Rejecting Someone Nicely - Is It Possible?
Mr. Giraffe
Asking someone out takes courage. I find the process horrifying and refuse to do it until I grow up and move away from my Awk-town residence.One reason why people hesitate to let a guy know that he is attractive is fear of rejection. Rejection is one of those things that hurts no matter how many times it happens. It completely invalidates you even though it's in your better judgement not to let it get to you.
I've been thinking about this because a friend of mine found out from another friend of his that a girl likes him. I assumed he'd be elated but he revealed that he has no attraction for this girl. He doesn't know what to do. He wants to reject her but he won't do it meanly because, well, it's mean.
He asked me for help and now I am asking you. Is rejecting someone nicely impossible? Does it still hurt even if it was done nicely?
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Comments (83)
i dont kno how, but i think it is possible.
be polite and honest but tactful. dont take advantage of a person's attraction (in the case above) and dont lead them on.
and even when rejection is painful, a person gets over it.
He could tell her that he doesn't know her very well and that he doesn't want to start something when he doesn't even know the person.
You never know, if he gets to know her they might find something. However, if he's genuinely not interested and doesn't want anything to do with her, there's no easy way to say it. Rejection happens to everyone, I promise you she'll move on and be fine.
true.. asking someone out takes courage but i'm sure when she asked him out she was taking a chance so she knew that there's a chance that he may not reciprocate her feelings or interest.. he should be honest with her about his feelings..
I think he should go on a date with her first (with an open mind) and see if it leads anywhere.
The most important question is, DID THE GIRL EVEN ASK HIM OUT? If she's just crushing on him, it's not even a big deal. He can give her some subtle signals telling her that he's not interested. That way, she'll get the hint, and he won't be blatently rejecting her. If she's an understanding, mature person, she'll respect that and move on.
Is rejecting someone nicely impossible?
- No, it's not impossible. A friend rejected me nicely and we're still friends up to this day. To me, it's better to reject politely than to lead someone on. However, if you're gonna reject someone, you have to sit down and have a one on one chat. Be real and be honest. And avoid using the line "it's not you, it's me"... lol.
Does it still hurt even if it was done nicely?
- Duh.
Rejection is always painful and never easy.
If this girl really likes him, no matter what he says... she's gonna be hurt. But he can say something like "I'm sorry I didn't know you felt this way. Thank you, but I don't have the same attractiong towards you."
If she was just "testing the waters" kind of thing.. then it won't hurt.
But it seems like the girl didnt tell him yet? Well that just means one thing! DONT be nice to her, and DONT flirt back no matter what. Even if it's like opening the door for her, or even saying "hi" first. Show that you are not attracted to her at all.
That,I think, is the only way out without having her to actually confess her feelings (which would lead to your rejection of her, which would lead to you and/or her being hurt.)
Wish you luck with this situation!
I think rejecting people nicely is only possible with both parties are mature & understanding. The only way I can see it happening if you're calm & patient while you bring up you're just not interested.
If you're not interested, you should definitely not ask her out on a date 'cause that's just cruel! That's getting her hopes up just to dash it by saying "I don't like you that way."
However, it doesn't seem like the girl had the guts to tell him she was liked him so I don't think he should worry about having to have a talk with her & rejecting her nicely. He can just be subtle about it so that she gets he's not into her.
It's possible. Just tell the person that you are not attracted to them in that way, but that there is nothing wrong with being friends. That's about the most direct yet sensible way of putting it. If the other person can't handle, well . . . .
The last girl I liked rejected me nicely. I don't feel any negativity towards her.
It's possible to do it without being mean, but not to do it without hurting the person. If it comes to that, like she starts being really obvious, then just say, "sorry, I just don't feel that way about you." It sucks to hear that, but it's better than some of the other ways you could do it and better than leading her on. If she doesn't make a move and doesn't say anything, let her be. Maybe she doesn't want you to know and would feel embarrassed if you mentioned it.
I had someone reject me in a mean way when I was in high school. We were on a school trip, and I was sitting near him, but not next to him. He was telling his buddies what he wanted in a girl: everything I wasn't. He said it loudly enough for the whole bus to hear. I was so embarrassed.
Rejection and nice don't really belong in the same sentence. I think rejection stings no matter how "nicely" it is done...but kind rejection is definitely easier to swallow. Nevertheless, it's still rejection.
Oh I hate the rejection part too. haha. It's possible to reject a person without hurting their feelings though most of the time it just leads to awkwardness between the two people. Maybe most of the time. Maybe not. But there is the possibility which I cannot face either.
Maybe your friend can play it off. Drop hints that he doesn't like her...? I don't know. I don't handle these situations well myself either. But I'd probably drop hints around the girl and the girl's friends if I were him.
:D
It's certainly more polite and less painful than letting it fester and grow.
And you can be nice about it, oh certainly. There's plenty of nice ways to put anything.
It's still going to stick like a bitch for the rejectee though. So goes life. At least nobody is dying or losing their job or going through real life trauma that they will never get over. Just a few weeks or so of poor self-image and that feeling of losing what never was. Life. Is. Good.
It's easy for me: "I'm taken."
But for him? Simple and straightforward is the best way to go.
Rejection always hurts to a certain degree, nice or not. At the end of the day, people are attracted to different personality traits and physical features. If I'm rejecting someone and they can't accept that I'm just not attracted to them, then that is their problem, not mine.
It sounds harsh, but it's true - if a person cannot understand that everyone is attracted to different things, then they shouldn't be asking people out, because if rejected, they're going to be overly confused, hurt, or even angry.
Honestly, I have never been particularly disheartened or disappointed when I have been rejected. It's just not something that has really ever bothered me. I accept it, and in time move on.
Has your friend made it clear to this guy that she likes him? Because if she has, he should tell her straight away that he does not reciprocate. Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind, and this definitely applies here. It is much more hurtful to not let someone know immediately, because it gives the person hope that they have a chance.
I like how its horrifying for a girl to get rejected but its ok that a guy gets rejected because its part of being a guy. It being the 21st century and kind of a new time where women are respected more equally, I don't think it should matter.
It shouldn't be "oh he is a guy he will get over it" or "oh its a girl she shouldn't have to feel rejected". Lets just have it be its sucks getting rejected, guy or girl. With that in mind, just respond politely. Maybe if the person is open to it, being friends? Attraction is important but I also feel as you get to know someone more and things click you can gradually find someone more attractive.
If not, just be polite about it. Rejecting someone is kind of like firing someone. And I never thought I would say this but, I think Donald Trump put it best, it doesn't matter how you put it. You are giving someone bad news. "I have done it every way, the nice guy, the bad guy, in the end they aren't going to be happy". But that is business, this is personal and a relationship. This is a random person and I think its best for people to be polite, even if they are refusing something, the politeness shows they aren't trying to be mean and are respecting you as a person.
Heh, I read the beginning of that book.
He could just tell her that he's sorry but he's not that into her that way and that he doesn't want to lead her on or give her any false hope.
rejection can be done politely and nicely, but it will never not hurt.
He could just tell her "I'm not interested in a relationship at the moment".
i don't think there's a nice way, but there is a respectful way. and if someone lets you know they're not into you while still respecting you as a person, i think that's as nice as it gets.
and it might sting the other person at first, but once it's out there, it gets easier.
whoa...i just made a blog exactly the same as this
I know how the guy feels, and i think what everyone is saying here makes sense. If both people are mature enough, a sit down talk will work.
i agree with bananas....if the girl hasn't said anything or it hasn't been obvious to other people (that is...his friend only knows because the girl told him) then maybe the girl doesn't want anything out of it and she's just simply crushing...if that's the case then i don't think he has to worry about rejecting her unless she approaches him
i know i've had several crushes where i didn't want anything out of it and altho several people knew, i was glad no one told the guy to act on it
The truth hurts, but it's better than lying about it. Tell him to just be honest. She'll get over it. She shouldn't waste her time wanting a guy that doesn't want her back. She needs to get the idea.
just have the guy mention about being interested in another girl in front of the girl who likes him or have him talk about his made-up girlfriend.
It hurts no matter how nicely it's done, but doing it nicely can certainly help. He can tell her he doesn't like her, but still try to make her feel a little bit good about herself by still saying nice things about her.