Tuesday, 30 September 2008
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Dear Dr. Datingish: Love Is A Vicious Cycle...
Dr. Datingish
If love is the little things and the little things are supposed to be what matters (and apparently most people are supposed to know that), why do so many relationships fail?
Why do we stop caring about the little things that are going to make the other person happy in the first place?
Is it when we notice them not doing stuff for us anymore? Doesn't that mean that the vicious cycle never ends?
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Comments (16)
People need to not take their loves ones for granted. That's why a vicious cycle starts. If people continually appreciate the person they are with, through thick and thin, then that terrible cycle can never begin.
Though it's human nature to get irritated with things you are exposed to every day, you need to always sit back and rationalize your behaviour.
@haloed@xanga - it´s so true what you say. people who are in a relationship must always find new ways to renovate and cherish their love daily. if they don´t do that, then they will fall into the vicious cycle of routine, and thus their relationship shall fail.
The problem is most people don't see past the hazy, happy courting phase of their relationships and don't lay down a solid foundation for anything more. Real relationships take real work, and love alone cannot save any couple. If you can both get past the 'he/she owes me' and into the 'how can I show you how much I love you today', the chances for success are better. That and people don't know how to effectively communicate the hard stuff.
But the last thing you have to consider is that sometimes is doesn't matter. Not every relationship is supposed to last forever, and as long as you can find a way to end it amicably, you can grow as a person and be a better partner for the future love.
@daeshii@xanga - I agree totally.
The problem is that while we're all capable of loving each other, only a certain kind of person is right for us in every way. After we date for awhile, we realize that our bf/gf just doesn't have the whole package. Sometimes we can deal with that, and sometimes we can't.
It is a vicious but very rewarding cycle. Don't give up!
It's definitely all about what was mentioned above... showing someone how much you love them on any and every day. The most successful relationships I have come across have that coming from both people. It must be nice.
I don't think it's that. You know how some people are. They want what they don't have and once they have it, there isn't as much of a sentimental value or anything. I know because I'm kind of sort of like that. It's horrible. I know. >_<
Love isn't about the special things you do for each other. It's about the daily things you do for each other. If all you do with your GF/BF is go out on dates, you're most likely trying to do something special every time. But LIVING with them is different. Loving someone involves the good times, bad times, Hard times, etc.
Kind of random note, I find that love and hate, while on opposing sides of the spectrum, can be confused with one another sometimes....
reality kicks hard.
The problem is that people get lazy and will not work for the relationship. They won't compromise. They won't do those little things even though they're so little because they just expect the other person to "love them for them" even if "them" is an inconsiderate asshole who doesn't do little things for their SO. Guess what people! Life doesn't work that way. Sometimes you need to take a look within yourself and change the negative things about you that are changeable. And yes, people can change. This whole post-modern coddled bullshit of "if he doesn't love you for you than he doesn't deserve you" really annoys me sometimes. No one is willing to put work into relationships anymore and that's why so many relationships fail.
Sorry, rant over. *breathes*
I think that after many get past the courting, they just seem to think that things are going to work out for whatever they are. They forget about the small things. If you want it to work, keep up the spice, and don't forget about the things that made them like/appreciate you in the first place.
it's so sad, but past the courting stage, people start to lose sight of the little things, as mentioned before... you start to take for granted what you have and you don't appreciate it anymore.
even in my friendships, i like to show people i care in little ways, by surprising someone with a food they mentioned they were really craving on the phone, five minutes after they mentioned it. by helping out on homework and stuff.
i sometimes feel it's actually harder to do little nice things for my boyfriend than it is for my friends... particularly because my friends are all younger than me and i'm kind of like a "mommy" to all of them and my boyfriend's actually older than me... [though not by much]
I call it immaturity. We dont need to play games for the reason that once we start, it never stops. Be open and honest and I am sure those kinds of problems will be reduced.... or its better we are not in a relationship at all... It could be about us taking eachother for granted, and even if it is... once the signs start, talk about it and work it out... and if it is not working out for the both of you, maybe you should both go your seperate ways....
Realistically, who wants to be in an unhappy relationship?
One of the reasons relationships dont work out because we fail to communicate openly about what is bothering us.
The leader/speaker at the ginormous college bible study I attend at my University was talking (somewhat, more so in relation to God, but used an example of marriage) about this topic. He said that it's not because he's trying to impress his wife or have her "keep" him that he does things for her, but he just does them because he loves her. He siad that because he loves her, little things just come naturally. I feel like if you do really, really love the person, then the little things will be there.
@daeshii@xanga - I totally love your response.
@hopelessromantic - i agree