This is a guest blog submitted by ackfull.To me, meeting the parents and/or relatives plays an importance in maintaining a healthy relationship. In the six months we've been dating, I've only met my BF's younger sister, who I've become pretty familiar with. We get along great! And his one cousin who doesn't talk to me...just because.
My BF, on the other hand, met my parents two days wayy before we started dating, and occasionally talks with my mother when they see each other. In addition to meeting my parents, he's met the majority of my family and even has a pretty good relationship with my close cousins and a few of my aunties and uncles.
So why the hell doesn't he want me to meet his parents?!
I mean, he may have a few issues with his parents but don't we all? And that didn't stop him from introducing his ex before me to them! Is there some kind of implied meaning behind that? Am I not "good enough" for them?
Recently when the subject came up he asked me if I still wanted to meet them to which I replied, "Yes, I want to." And at that he responded with a laugh saying, "No way! Maybe I'll introduce you in a few years."
That's ridiculous.
How did you convince your SO to let you meet their family?
Comments (30)
If he doesn't want you meet them, don't push it. Trying to convince him repeatedly will only irritate him and want to shut you out. Try to get to the root of the problem. Maybe he thinks meeting the parents is a very serious step (in my family it is). Perhaps he doesn't see your relationship to be as serious as you see it. These issues he has with his parents are probably deep-rooted and need some exploring from your part. Just ask him..probe a little, and be sensitive to the possibility that he doesn't have a good relationship with his family and he doesn't want to expose you to that.
You brought it up, but did you ask him why not? He could have many reasons for not introducing you such as he isn't sure it is the right time, he really doesn't like his parents and sees no reason to, he is afraid of what they will say, or he's just nervous. Who knows? Just ask him.
I didn't convince my boyfriend to introduce me to his parents. He wanted to introduce me, he was actually really excited & I was super nervous. He already knew my parents so I didn't have to do it. But in previous relationships, I've had no problem introducing him to my mom.
Maybe he has his own personal issues with his parents. After all it's not like you haven't met any of his family (the sister and cousin).
Not everyone has a close knit family like yours, so I wouldn't push it. He probably has his own personal reasons for not introducing you yet, after all it's only been six months.Â
But I agree with the first poster too. It could also be a sign that he isn't as serious as you are. Just take it a step at a time though.It could also be a cultural thing.
Maybe his parents are "Monkey people" and he doesn't want to scare you away
My SO didn't want me to meet his parents, well more his mother, for the longest time (even though he is living with them). He was fine with me meeting his dad but because he doesn't have a good relationship with his mom, he didn't want me to meet her. He met my mom pretty early in our relationship but that is the only time since she lives an hour away. I agree that he might not have a close-knit relationship with his parents. Or he may feel like that is a huge step.
Trust me, sometimes you're better off NOT meeting the parents. If your SO doesn't want you to meet them, it's usually 1 of 3 reasons: 1) they feel it's too soon 2) their family is weird and they're worried you'll be scared 3) they don't want to see their parents.
For me, it's always #2. My family even jokes about "running the gauntlet", which is a term for meeting the immediate family (about 20 people). For my friend who's had 3 stalkers, it's always #1! A lot of times it doesn't really have anything to do with you, per se.
just relax, when he feels comfortable he'll introduce them. It could be a number of things. But if you keep pushing it, he's going to break up with you. It's already on his mind you want to meet them, the more you bring it up, the more he's not going to want you to meet them. it could be a huge commitment for him to do so. Plus out of curiosity, why are you so interested in meeting his parents? Do you need that to validate your relationship? Why not just go with what you have and when he's comfortable will do so
Hmm, I had it easy because I went to a smaller school with my fiance and my mom was a teacher, so everyone knew everyone...we met each other's parents like 5 years before dating.
I would say that he has some problems with his parents and he is unsure how they will act around you.
My parents have bad eating habits (poor manners), and so I was hesitant to have her over for supper for a while when we first started dating, but finally I just realized that if she really did like me as much as she said then she wouldn't really care about how my parents were. So I had her over, and...it went well, even though my parents still did embarrass me :)
i've never brought a guy home to meet my parents either.. it's not because i never thought they weren't good enough for them to meet them.. oh, and it's not necessarily b/c the guys i dated didn't want to meet the parents either.. a lot of them wanted to and they got mad at me b/c "i" was the one who didn't want the meeting to take place.. my mom has met some of them because she "accidentally" met them and some of them just dropped by on their own but i never brought them home or invited them to meet them..
i think for me, i'm only going to have my parents meet them if they're "THE ONE" and i've never been married.. so i guess that explains why, haha..
I didn't care whether I met his family or not - they're not important to him, so they're not important to me.
6 months is still relatively early on in the relationship so I wouldn't worry about it too much.
However, if it really bothers you, you should ask him why. When you ask though, make sure you're not coming off as nagging & you two are clear that you just want to understand where he's coming from. He might have his reasons for not wanting to introduce you to his parents.. The harshest reason might be because he doesn't think the relationship is very serious at the moment so he doesn't want to introduce you to his parents. However, there is also another way to look at it. For some families & some cultures, people don't bring their significant others home to meet the parents because that would mean they are serious & that's how the parents would interpret it. There are other reasons for him not wanting you to meet the parents.. maybe he really likes you & he's worried what his parents will think & say he can't date you. There's tons of different speculations I can make here but I'm sure you get my point. If you really want to know, ask. However, don't nag about it! Bring it up once & find out all you want to know once & for all & then DROP the subject. Guys hate it when girls nag.
As for me, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years & I have yet to meet his parents. At first it was because he wasn't willing.. [He had that worry about introducing me to the parents so early & them thinking it was a serious thing 'cause his sisters never brought home boyfriends unless they were about to get married.. as was the case with his oldest sister.] Then when he warmed up to the idea, it's because his parents didn't visit him while he was in college & my parents refused to let me make the trip down to visit him. [What can I say? I've got strict parents. -__-"] However, I have met his two sisters who came to visit his senior year & they love me. :D I missed out on the chance to meet his parents during graduation 'cause they left too soon. I'm planning to meet them sometime this fall/winter. That said, I do know his mom & grandma like me. hehe. :)
Him on the other hand, he met my parents 6 months into the relationship. [He was nervous & totally against it at first but slowly warmed up. He was just terrified of meeting my parents & having them say he wasn't good enough or them not liking him.] Needless to say, he was worried for nothing. They're quite fond of him & my brothers & sister adore him. He's like the big brother they've never had.
i met my SO's family relatively early and i didnt convince him, he just so happened to be passing by his house to get something and his mom was there, so i met her. i think you need to be patient......if it's meant to happen, it will. in the meantime, you can probe some and see the root of the problem. :)
I wouldn't WANT to meet my So's parents. The longer he took to introduce me to them, the better. I don't like other people's parents.
Don't push it. Sometimes it's harder for others to present their SO to their parents. If it's really bothering you, have an honest conversation with him and ask him why he doesn't want you to meet his parents. Keep it simple.
it's all about the comfort level... it doesn't have anything to do with the girl.
Haha I didn't. Maybe they've met some of my siblings, but not the 'rents. Only 3 of the bfs I've had in my life have met my parents. I don't like the stress of having to hear their opinions (usually my dad) =\
As for your situation? I think that maybe her ex's parents are similar to his and that maybe they had a similar upbringing that's different from yours. He might be afraid that his issues with his parents, what they would think of you, whether they would accept you as his gf, etc., all play a role in his decision to not let you meet them. Nonetheless, I agree with you that meeting the 'rents is important for a serious relationship. Give him some time. Maybe one day he will introduce them to you.
my parents live in japan, so if anybody in my life meets them, they better be damn worth the trip.
that being said, my main reason of not introducing an SO to my parents would be that my parents wouldn't like him. thankfully, that wasn't the case with any boyfriend i had, nor is it the case with mr. fiance. :)Â
when we were just hanging out (aka not admitting we liked each other), mr. fiance and i were in agreement that if we were dating someone our parents didn't approve of, the relationship would not work out. sounds strange, but family is such a big part of our lives that the time and energy you spend fighting just isn't worth it.
i also have a friend who won't introduce SOs to her parents because it's a sign of how serious the relationship is.Â
Well...she's my ex now but she got scared of meeting mine and forced me to meet her mom.
Like what most commentors are saying here, don't push it. He'll introduce you when he's ready and honestly, 6 months is still relatively short. Just chill for a bit and enjoy your time with him. Your chance to meet his parents will come, just don't worry about it too much.
I would be seriously offended if I were in your position. However, talk to him about it and ask him why (instead of asking us). Maybe he actually has a legit reason - like his mother is crazy and will break you guys up or something. YOu never know. Parents can be weird.
But mostly I would look at this as a bad sign for the future of your relationship.
It's okay.. one of my friend's sister didn't introduce her husband to their parents until they got married. One of my other friends doesn't introduce his gfs to his mom because he's waiting for the right one. He thinks it's embarassing for his mom to meet the girl, like her and if something happens he doesn't want to explain what happened. Just wait a little.. I was introduced to nearly all of my exs boyfriends now it's all awkward when i see them. Of course, I do say hi and such but it's still a little weird.
Maybe his ex left a bad taste in his parents' mouths...
worst case scenario he doesnt feel the two of you are far enough along and serious enough to introduce you to his family.
It's also possible it has nothing to do with you and he's embarrassed by his family.
why not just ask him directly so, you've met my family am i ever going to meet yours?
Maybe they're douche bags
Maybe he's ashamed of them
That's odd...
Mine introduced me to his parents when we'd been together just under a month......& they live 2 hours away.So either your bf's kind of a d-bag,Or there is a chance that he's embarrassed by his parents.