Miss PenguinI feel like I've been writing a lot about politeness lately… I guess
it's because I’m in New York where people don’t tend to bother being
polite (which is sad, by the way). In the past couple months I have had
way too many guys invite themselves over to my apartment. Well, really
even just one is too many. But it's happened now four or five times.
Most of the time, they are doing so in a "let's hook up" sense, too. I
find this completely appalling for many reasons.
First of all,
I grew up being taught that you don't impose yourself on other people.
Inviting yourself over imposes on others, so you don't do it. Second of
all, how incredibly presumptuous of you to assume that not only am I
going to hook up with you, but we're going to do it in my apartment.
Third, if you want to hook up with me so badly, why don't you invite me
over to your place? If I'm not welcome at your place, why should you be
welcome at mine?
Most of the guys who've invited themselves over
lately either a) live with their parents or b) don't want me to come
to their place because it’s a pigsty or something.
To me, honestly, if
you are not in a position to bring someone back to your apartment,
maybe you shouldn’t be trying to hook up with people (hint hint – move
out of your parents' house, guys who have graduated from college! It's
not attractive!)...or at the very least, find a smoother way to get the
other person to invite you over. If they haven't invited you over, you
should never invite yourself. It comes off as a little desperate and if
they haven't invited you, they probably don't want you coming over.
Plus, I think the one who is trying to instigate the hooking up should
be the one to invite the other person over.
Bottom line is,
though, no matter what the context, it's rude to invite yourself over
and particularly appalling when you're also shamelessly trying to get
in my pants (which I don't appreciate either guys, thanks).
If you're spending the night with your BF/GF, do you usually end up at your place or his/hers? How do you decide where to go?
Comments (32)
@Royford@xanga - Unfortunately for us, the explaining doesn't always happen. But, girls, that's a good way to gauge whether he's a catch or not!
I really think that if you've got something going worth keeping, it won't *always* be one or the other, but whatever the two of you are most comfortable with at the time. I've done both.
You forgot to add that they may be married, or already living with someone else. I agree that it is very rude to invite yourself to someone else's place, I hope you didn't bother to speak to those again who tried to impose themselves on you. I would ask if a hotel room would be acceptable, if I couldn't take someone home.
i usually prefer to have the person i am seeing come to my place, because i am lazy and there is added convenience in the morning. unfortunately they think the same as me, so we usually end up at his place.
wow, very well put! if a guy is worried about showing an unclean room, what makes them think a girl will pass off his "pig"ish front towards her as ok?
I've stayed at my BF's place about 90% of the time we've been together simply because my first year living on campus, I was in a quad (3 roommates!). My second year I had a double room, so he spent maybe a handful of nights there, but this year it's a bit more equal because i have my own house and room.
My boyfriend invites me to his house, cause it's impossible to go to mine.
The case is different cause my parents won't allow me to hang out with guys in general, unless they're family or something. My parents are a little too old fashioned and traditional. Yes, I live with my parents. =/
IT MINDS ME OF PROLBEM SOLVING AND A GAME
i only go to the bf's place since my place is my mom's. :p Usually it's obvious to only be able to stay over or go to one's place if it's serious and not just for a flingy or physical basis. However, it will most likely be hormonal and such so therefore it's better if it's well thought out first.