This is a guest blog submitted by gongju_bottle. Okay. So I'm single and I'm not sure if I'm "looking" or not.
There's a part of me that wants to be in a relationship.
Giving love and receiving love and support.. knowing that someone has your back all the time.. the feeling of intimacy.. knowing something about that special person that others don't know or don't care to find out.. the ecstatic feeling you get at the slightest touch...heart to heart conversations that will keep us strong and together.. laughing about nothing...sharing joys and pain like you can't do with anyone else...I miss it. All of it.
What I miss the most is the excitement of being with someone you truly like and being able to connect with that person in a deeper and intimate level than you do with your friends (no, I do not mean sexually
) Although it may be like being on an emotional rollercoaster at times, I can't help but still feel more stable and a bit more happy when I'm in a relationship.
Then there's a part of me who wants to be single.
I am very busy. I go to school full time; I work, I do research, I live at home so I have responsibilities to take care of...Being in a relationship does tend to get in the way of my studies, unless I can study with that person.
Also, I'm a little shy. Okay, a LOT shy. I'm not the one to start up a conversation or be humorous and witty to catch someone's attention. I sorta act "aloof" most of the time, so people don't try to get to know me easily. I act aloof because I'm a little scared to get to know new people, and that's because I've gotten hurt from trusting people too gullibly.
Or maybe it's the ring that I wear that keeps guys away..
I don't know what to do or why I feel this way. I tried reasoning it all out, but it still doesn't make sense to me.
What should I do? I want to be "looking" but I'm not. My head tells me to find someone, but my heart tells me that I'm not ready.
But on the other hand my heart does ache for someone to exchange something more intimate with (than friends)...while my head is telling me to focus on school.
I'm so confused. I truly am a Gemini after all.
..Any suggestions? Has anyone else been torn like this before?
Comments (43)
ouch.......must be painful >.< I know what you mean, but i haven't been in situation. The feeling of value to someone else, to have someone to look forward to at the end of the day, is an incredible feeling. I say, follow your heart (a little clique, but bear with me xD), and don't involve yourself too much into the relationship. It might sound a bit like you're using the person, but work/school does have a big impact. Get to know a person and become really good friends, it doesn't have to be a BF/GF situation.
Now on your shyness, haha, its completely normal. Everyone started out there once. I'm not saying I am a guru or anything (since i was once like you), but the simplest things make a difference. One thing is to SMILE, because i can gaurantee people see you in a different light if you smile and laugh alot :] Don't go out looking for people, they'll come to you. Hope this helped you out
haha, i'm a gemini too.
you don't have to be looking. I remember one time, i didn't even want a relationship, didn't want to mess around, just wanted to have fun with friends and what not... and what happened? a guy just came out of the blue and we both took the chance.
lol, he didn't want a relationship either..
though we're not together anymore... it was still good..
stop looking and it'll hit you when you least expect it.
just keep doing your thang.. some guys like shy girls. :]
I honestly always feel that you don't need someone to be fulfilled or happy. You need to find your own happiness. If you are really torn, why don't you try just meeting people as friends and go from there. Don't come off too strong about looking for someone. Just let it go with the flow.
Keep on Swingin'
I think if you can't decide, don't do it. Try to enjoy and focus on your studies, and don't forget to have fun with your friends. Maybe you'll become ready, or maybe a relationship will sneak up on you, and it'll make you ready. Sometimes you have to let it sneak up on you. I wasn't looking for anyone, but I ended up getting my fiancé.
that's why i just like dating. i want to be single but i also want that someone there, and it's also fun to date and have a potential love interest.
I'm actually in the same situation right now. I'm single and I'm not sure if I'm looking or not. Although I'm more on the "not looking" side. I do go to school full time too (I'm an art student) and I have alot of work. I do talk a bit more at parties to get to know people, but never really go make a move or anything. But I guess it's really more of me just waiting to have someone pick me up instead of me doing it.
This could have been written by me. I feel exactly like you. It's good to know that there're other people who have the same problem
It's usually when you're not looking that you're most likely to find love. You have to be careful about "looking" because if you really want to be in a relationship, you may "find" someone more because you want to be in a relationship than because you want to be with them.
I would say focus on your school work right now. If you find someone, you find someone. If not, you at least ace your exams
Oh, being a Gemini *sigh*
I guess the part of where people it hits you when you're not looking some time do apply. I say if you surround yourself with good friends it will be easier for you NOT to rush into a relationship because you're not sure if you're looking or not.
same. I'm really shy too..but you know what. if you really want something, you should go for it.
Sometimes I get sad that no one wants to be in a relationship with me. But other times I know I can't stand the thought of those things that people in relationships do. Most of the time, though, I don't care either way. I have never defined myself as "single" and I can't honestly say I've ever been "looking" either. Eh.
does the ring actually scare guys away?! O_O cuz i wear one too....
I'm going through exactly the same thing. ( I even wear a ring too! Not unusual at my university though!) I've been with one guy after the next with usually less than a month in between, and this time I'm determined to hold off for a while. I want to be with someone that I really love, not just to be in a relationship. My advice is don't look so hard that you rationalize about what you really want, but just keep your eyes open. :]
First off, I chuckled a little bit when you mentioned being a Gemini. One of my good friends seems to read horoscope-interactions into just about every relationships, and she seems to have an addiction to Cancers. I personally think we're all individuals, and our decisions about ourselves and what kind of life we want to live are what make us who we are, not some stars up in the sky and a few general statements attached to them.
So that being said, I think you should embrace the fact that you're single and not even bother looking. And you can start by not being so shy. Shy people are prone to codependency and fear of actually being themselves in public. I don't mean become uber-social and crazy, just don't worry so much about how people perceive you, and don't start attaching yourself to people unless you know they deserve your attachment - look, you can still TALK to people without actually CARING about them.
You don't need love any other person to feel better about yourself. But you do need to love yourself. So love yourself as a single, and stop worrying about what the stars have to say about it.
Don't be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. Maybe instead of "looking," just be "keeping your eyes open."
Enjoy your time being single, and when the right person comes along, you'll be glad you waited for him/her.
feel exactly the same way .
take off the ring, that way you stay open but available. Wait for a bit. See how life is being single. If you then decide you're unhappy, then go looking. Otherwise, be comfortable with where you are.
God bless!
I think that most of us have been in your situation one time or another. Like anything, it will have its up's and its down's. You just need to have fun with it. Don't be looking to look. It doesn't work that way. I actually was not looking and didn't really care to be in a relationship and just happened to meet Mr. Right. Crazy how things work, but that is the way it goes. So, go out there, be yourself, don't try, and have a blast!!!
Maybe you should wait until your fully awear of what you want and then go for it. (or not)
The catch-22 to relationships; to have one or not. I'm basically sitting in the same boat as you, except the quiet part. I think I'm too outgoing for my own good.
Hang in there! There are at least 4 billion guys for us out there. China will be full of them in a few years >.<
I'm in the same situation, only my heart wants me to find someone and my mind doesn't think that it is the right thing to do now. I've got school, internship, and work as well.
Hope it gets better for you.
i feel exactly the same way you do.
Research and school takes up so much of my time that i don't even have time to pursue other interests - and yet my heart aches for someone to share my life with. It is VERY confusing.
One thing i'm very comforted in is what a close friend shared to me - that God doesn't just give you this innate desire for nothing. He doesn't make empty promises, and so you can start preparing yourself to be a good partner now! :)
And by the way, i'm a leo ;)
I see this a lot in myself. You try so hard in the relationship and it fails.
dont push it.
see where live will take you.
im on the same boat with you.
enjoy the single life you have right now
cherish it when you have someone in your life.