Sunday, 28 September 2008
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Dear Dr. Datingish: Shhh, I'm Seeing Someone Online
Dr. Datingish
What happens when your parents are strict and would have a cow if they knew you were seeing someone online?
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Comments (59)
Relationships over the internet never work. Don't waste your time.
:)
@ALMOST_Spankyyy@xanga - my brother met his wife over the internet. "Never" is a strong word, no matter what the subject matter being talked about.
LOL Well I'm guessing they eventually met. But I'm saying to have the relationship over the internet only. Like never have met in person or hardly or any of that.
I met my ex online. We dated for almost 3 years. We broke up because we were heading down different paths. But I didn't tell my family I met him online. Told them I knew him from college. Hehe.
the only time i dated online i did not tell my parents. i only would have if it turned into something serious, which it did not.
My mum would have a cow for sure. She would be scared that they would come, rape, and kill me.
Online relationships don't tend to work out. One is too accustomed to their place and not willing to make any sacrifices sometimes and usually end up heading in different directions.
Doesn't matter. There is no such thing as an online relationship.
You just lost the game.
They would freak...and also they would never approve of the relationship. I suggest you lie to them and tell them you met him in real life :)
i agree, online relationships are a total no no!
xWhat would happen?!
Find my body in the basement is what would happen. No, change that...they would probably bury me in the vegetable garden and grow the tomatos over the burial site.
@XXVl@xanga - but if the relationship doesn't work out after the parents met the person fast enough, the lie would almost always backfire in the worst way possible.
You don't tell them. I "met" my husband through a mutual friend of ours but for the first few months, only knew him online. During that time, I never once let on to my parents about him. They met him after he moved to my city and we began dating.
If you're a minor...I can see the cause for worry from your parents. Even adults need to be completely careful with it though.
I'm in my 20's...and the guy I'm currently dating, I met online. We'd been friends for a very long time prior...online. I really liked him though, and really wanted to meet him. Despite the fact that I'm an adult, it still weighed on me...what would my folks think? My mom had already a preconceived notion of meeting people online, simply because of the horror stories she'd hear on tv. But ya know what...as hard as it was, I told her the truth. Explained we'd been friends a long time. And she was surprisingly cool with it!
Online relationships are difficult at best, and impossible at worst. Your parents might have a "cow" or another large mammal upon hearing that you're "seeing" someone online, however, depending on how old you are, it's your life. If you are a minor, they are just trying to protect you from predators. If you're older, it's your decision to make. Just be smart about it, ok? I've seen/had a few bad things happen due to that sort of thing.
@ALMOST_Spankyyy@xanga
@lauralen@xanga
I second what laurelen said. I met my boyfriend online and we've been dating for over a year, though we've known each other for way longer than that. You're full of shit if you really think that. We have a better relationship than almost anyone I know. And guess where we met- XANGA! I've seen other people here who have as well. There's probably more than you think.
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - "Full of shit"? Ouch. The language. You don't see me using words like that with you or anyone else. Have some manners at least if you are going to disagree with what I say. Eh. Maybe you wouldn't have been so harsh if you followed up on the comments I left. Besides, why aren't you using such language with others who have the same opinion as me.
@ALMOST_Spankyyy@xanga - Obviously because your comment was the only one I read.
I met my ex online. We went out for 5 years, but we didnt meet initially for ages. It's nice because you really get to know the person more before you do meet. My parents freaked (I was 16 at the time) but I think they were less than impressed for more reasons than the fact 'we met online'.
You can't help where you meet someone or who you fall in love with! Just annoying as hell if you live miles apart.
My parents would have a cow. True, I'm old enough to make my own decisions (and I do, yay!) but they would have sooo much to say about it! That's why I don't tell them. It's better. For me, lol. And for them... there's so much they don't know about me already so it's only fair.
Online dating isn't all bad... besides, some people have a hard time getting to know someone any other way. We're all busy.
I've done the online relationship thing. We dated for three months before we met. I was 24 at the time, and not living at home, so my parents, even though they were a bit weirded out by it, accepted it in the end.
The problem with online relationships is that you don't REALLY know what the other person is like in real life. You have to fill in certain gaps with your imagination. The guy I dated imagined I was this super outgoing person who always had something witty to say and had no trouble thinking it up on the spot. In real life, I'm quite shy, but the fact that I wrote a humor column for the school newspaper never would have given that away. It was kind of awkward meeting in person, because I'm normally a bit shy when I meet new people, but you're not supposed to be shy with your SO. I never lied to him or said I was a life of the party type, but he got the idea that I was.
I've now met someone else online, and I really like him. He knows. And I think he feels the same. But I told him I would not date him unless I met him in real life. Thankfully, he's cool with that. He lives on another continent, so I won't get to meet him for another few months yet.
It's just not a good idea to date someone you haven't met. I don't regret what I did, but there's no way I'm doing it again. I want someone who knows what I'm like in real life, and someone who I don't have to just imagine.
Well, I hope you're safe about it!
I met my ex online. It lasted 3 years and was great time and something it made me learn a lot about other people and relationships.
she told to some friend and colleagues that we met in the US (I never been there) because she was afraid of their prejudices..
Are you cyberdating? Or just talking? Are you doing something more? What are the reasons your parents won't condone this behavior? Are you not allowed to date at all? Are you involved online bc you aren't allowed to IRL? Or bc you don't know how to engage people IRL?
As a parent, I would be more concerned that you were being safe online. Having a friend online is one thing, but if you're not being safe...well, I'm sure your parents have heard the same things--both true and false--about online communities (mainly the pedophilia running rampant reports), and they want to keep you safe.
I have seen the good and bad of internet relationships, so I'm not saying what you're doing is wrong. Just evaluate 'why' you're doing it, 'why' they'd have a cow, and consider the ramifications should the truth come out (and if they're that strict, it could be no more unsupervised computer access). I mean, do you really want this to be your teenage rebellion?
Good luck.
@xangerrr - There is nothing ignorant about what I said. You're the one being ignorant without citing any evidence whatsoever that they don't ever work. Don't misuse big words if you don't know what they mean, sweetie. That's too typical of you.
I say it depends how old you are. Teens, definitely NO. If I were dating someone online and my parents found out, sure they'd have a cow, but I'm a grown woman and old enough to make my own decisions. What it comes down to really, is not age, per se, but maturity. Do you know the pitfalls of internet dating? Do you have good judgement? (For example, you're not gonna go meet some random dude in a secluded place.) If you are safe about what you do, then I don't think it matters much what your parents say.
Good luck.
I actually have a friend who is dating someone aver the internet and she is only 14. he is a great guy, and they do a lot, but i don't think its going to work. She has never even heard his voice, but we will just have to see how it comes out. Would my mom have a cow? no, because she probably wouldn't know. But if you think that u have to hide that kind of stuff from ur parents, that means that u shouldn't do it. thats just my opinion