Miss CheetahAt the end of my last relationship, I realized I needed to let go of
the "idea" of us and concentrate on me. But that's real hard to do. In
a
previous post,
I mentioned how much his blatant disrespect for me when we were on the
phone upset me. I was jealous and didn't know how to say so. When we
overcame that obstacle in our friendship, we went back to talking
every day just as if we were dating.
That caused more harm then
ever before because now I knew that my feelings for him were slowly
turning into something more than friendship. It was actually pretty
stressful. The constant daily text messages and phone calls has made it
real
difficult to distinguish the line between friends and lovers and I
didn't
want to lead him on.
Even though I still care for him, I know
we don't want the same things in a relationship meaning we're not on
the same page with each other. We both have some growing up to do.
Maybe later on in life, we can think about being in a relationship, but
right now it's time to be about my business and move on.
How do you let go of the feelings you have for an ex and move on?
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Comments (68)
Stop talking, texting, and calling. I know it's terrible and really difficult when you are such good friends with somebody. But if you really don't want to start things up again or lead him on into thinking you might, just cut it all off and save yourself the heartache and confusion. You can always talk about the relationship later, as you mentioned could happen for you two.
Time
ah, so you're in it too eh? lol, i am EXACTLY in the same situation you are. You feel a little better everytime he txt you back. talking to him makes you feel like you're missing nothing in life. but hey, if thats not the case, my bad >.<
Its hard to believe it (yes, believe, cuz you know you're just listening right now :]), but time, and limiting contact from that person will help significantly. It hurts alot, but it'll ebb away. I'm sorry you're in this situation too, but we're gonna survive
Two quotes:
"everything happens for a reason" and "Everything will be ok in the end. If its not ok, its not the end" GOOD LUCK! :D
u should do what's best for u.. keep yourself busy and do things for yourself.. invest in yourself.. i think working out is a good way b/c health is your #1 wealth and you'll look good which will make you feel great and the same time, you relieve stress.. about whether or not to keep an ex around or not.. you really have to be honest with yourself and only keep them around them around if you know you are over them and can be friends with them.. b/c otherwise how are you going to make room for the next person? and when i say a guy is my "friend" he really is my "friend" so until you can answer that, it might be best to have some time off.. most important person is U.. relationship is OVER..
Youy stop communication and find other ways to entertain yourself (personally to me that means not jumping to another relationship but rather finding a different activity)
I'm in practically the same situation. I can't talk to him without feeling like I want there to be more again. Even though I know I can't do that to myself, it's just reflex.
So when I figure out how to move on completely, I'll let you know.
My method is usually cutting off contact until I'm able to be indifferent to my attachment/lovey feelings, because only when I'm free of those feelings can I truly be capable of being only friends. And whenever I don't have that breathing period where I rid myself of talking to them or things reminding me of them, then I can't gain that distance to objectively assess the situation or peace of mind to mourn and move on.
Also, I try hard to focus on all the things that made me unhappy about the relationship... usually there are those huge stones that will most likely never change unless one person makes a complete personality change (yeah, right, sure)... and that's the thing to hold on to, that most people won't change drastically, and if it's a big issue that caused the break up, it's better to think about all the potential people in the world who *could* fulfill more boxes to make you happy.
Each of my significant relationships have slowly become closer and closer to someone who fit me better, and so I have to look back appreciatively at making the decision to let go, because otherwise I wouldn't have found someone better suited for me. It's about mentally making that decision to let go and being okay without them, and trusting yourself (as cheesy as that sounds).
Oh and definitely it just takes time, you just have to bear through the messy unhappiness of post breakup, and eventually it does go away.
I would like to know too, so expect me to visit this post a lot so I can read the advice people leave. :)
dont talk to them at all. dont ever see them. you will never get over someone if you have to be constantly reminded of them every day.
Man, I swear I have been single for three years. My best friend and I dated for 11 months and three weeks. Everyone expected that we would stay together. He broke up with me because we were going on different paths and he didn't want me to follow down the road he was heading.
We just started to really hang out again and you know what the feelings never go away. I talk about him all the time and he still gives me the looks he used to give me. Says the same things..it's hard.
So today when all my friends are on dates and I am sitting here in my lonely dorm room...I can't keep thinking about him. I miss him more then ever. But I know I can't have him.
I have to kick them out of my life for a few months.
if I keep talking to them, ill keep having my feelings grow.
I'm just the type that will go crazy hearing Avon their day and the girls they meet and talk too.
I can't deal, but plus its the only way, I know how to let go.
out of sight and out of mind.
Xo
Cut off contact for a while, spend one week moping about it to release the thoughts, find other stuff to do fill in the time, and just go out and mingle with others at social events. Overall, it takes time before the feelings are all gone.
cut every contact you have with this person. it's the most easiest and most difficult way. you're beginning to be very comfortable and dependent on this person, so it's better to do it now than later.
Expections kills a lot of good relationships... for myself I don't feel I need to be in a relationship especially cos i'm only 21. I don't want to be tied down to a guy just yet. I hope to get married by the time i'm 27 and I hope to have a few good married years b4 I have kids... but at the moment its probs not the right time.. these few years are what I call the "ME" years because its about working on Me and becoming a better me (but do it with the help of others). I have come to really understand why my parents used to lecture me about not dating too young. (and I wished i was smarter) At the moment I am in the "do u wanna break up stage" and its soo crazy the emotions that come with girls + the emotion you get in a realtion mixed together = depression melt down. I'm trying hard to not let things like things get me down and I wished I hadn't got myself in a realtionship (too much for me to handle atm when I have other things that are much more important).
My ex bf's are probs all great guys but weren't mature enough. Then you had me who was a girl under the age of 21 trying to date them. It was just a lose lose situation no winners, cos we weren't ready for what a realtionship can do to us. It takes much more then a few hugs, kisses and phone calls to make a realtionship work... the minimal amount of effort (which back then I thought I put heaps more) cost me a lot of hurt, pain and sufffering even till today.
In my heart I wanna hurry up and fine that prince charming but I know that even if I found him today I wouldn't know how to appreciate him. I donno if I can let go of this person im with atm... if its the best thing for me but yeh realtionships really a the hardest thing to deal with
Let time take control of it. At most, I think it takes about 2 years to completely heal -- the longest journey I have ever been on to get over someone and at times, I think I'm still on the same road.
That's great if you're both friends -- just still try to minimize contact with each other. From my experience, I kept in touch with mine, thinking that we're great friends -- but it just got really bad after this summer. I think he felt like I was pushing him too hard on the friendship level thing, so we're not even on speaking terms right now.
Just be careful and good luck.
Cut off cold turkey... the way to go. Rip it off like a band-aid. There are some exes that I don't think I'll ever be able to be friends with again.
Just remember all the reasons that they're your ex, and not your gf.
wish i could give the exact reasons...
i'm so there in trying to forget... no matter how much i LOVE her still...
FRICK... I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE THINKING ABOUT HER...
For me I had blocked my ex on IM programs and blocked him from being able to view any of my sites. I then turned my phone off for quiet some time. Until about two weeks after the break I decided to try and unblock him and he had IMed me and we started talking, little did I know it would just lead to him calling me a super B****. Hey I can't help it he was the jealous and easily angered person. It was bound to end. Hell he apparently told my co-workers he was going to marry me. I was only 16 when I met him and I think 18 by the time I had left him. He must have moved on within about six months after the break. Goes to show how much he really wanted to "marry" me right. Ha. I was off and on with a couple guys, I just couldn't seem to feel like commiting again I would get close and then say no. But since it was off and on we still talk. But the real ex, I don't want anything to do with him again. I think I am just thankful I had him when he was "hot" he has really let himself go. But yeah, I ceased communication, boxed up and or threw away any little things he gave me. Deleted photos off the computer. Which since my hard-drive died on me I had no way of getting the photos, so in a way that was helpful.
But trust me, you will find someone else better when you least expect it. When one door closes, another is always open. Just a matter of picking the right door or waiting for it to smack you in the face. Lol.
Good luck with it all.
My theory.. "once an ex, always an ex."
I agree with a lot of the people here. It's mostly time. If he was really important to you, you'll always have residual feelings, but you have to realize, it didn't work out for a reason. You have to be strong, limit communication, b/c it's not fair to YOU to be so distressed by this situation. Time...limited communication...go out, hang out with different/new people. If it's meant to be...I hate to be cliche, but it WILL be.
rip off the bandaid. painfully. It's the only way.
I'm going to have to come back and read also, because I understand what you're saying. What's hard for me is that we were together/married for 22 years and we have two children together. I can't NOT communicate with him and I know our feelings are mutual, but we just couldn't make it work. It's really very hard.
You stop contact, period.
You end all contact. Give it some time. And then maybe say a friendly 'hello' after that some time.
I agree with everyone else on here that you have to cut off contact with the person. I've been in the same situation just recently =/ I tried being friends with him but I still had residual feelings because he was still treating me like I was his girlfriend unconsciously-- and I'd have to remind him not to treat me that way because it was just f****** with my emotions. He said that he would try not to do it any more, but it still went on. I finally told him that we shouldn't communicate with one another until he felt that he was sure he was over me. It has been about 6 months now, and those feelings have gone away... so yes, main point: cut off contact.