Friday, 26 September 2008
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Long Distance Relationships Can Work - Promise.
Mr. Giraffe
I know everyone thinks long distance relationships are a terrible thing. And I agree. Couples should see each other often (out of sight, out of mind, anyone?). Well, history is about to be changed.My sister, Giraffe, Esq. (she's a lawyer
), met someone online from Michigan. She,
herself, lives in my future state of residence, lovely old Connecticut.
When I heard about this affair, I was indifferent. I wasn't a believer
in the LDR and I let it slip from my mind.A few weeks ago, however, I get a call from the lawyer herself and she says that Mr. Michigan is going home to meet the parents. It was getting relatively serious.
He was a big hit at home and he apparently couldn't wait to meet me. They were already planning a trip to the Big Apple. I found out from the rest of the Giraffe family that they met each other twice a month and they equally shared the travelling.
It was then I realized that LDRs can work if the couple is determined to make it work. It takes maturity, patience and responsibility. Of course, it doesn't hurt to have a couple as rocking as Giraffe, Esq. and Mr. Michigan.
So we know that LDRs can definitely work out - why do you think so many fail?
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Comments (160)
Because most people aren't willing to put in the work and long distance relationships take a lot of work.
Also, the key to a LDR is the prospect of having it not be long distance in the future. If you have a goal/timeline for when you guys will eventually be physically together, it's much easier to tolerate the time apart. If there's no prospective future date of being in the same place, that makes it much harder because it starts to seem like the relationship can't progress.
Not everyone has the patience. It's kind of like you're wasting your time when you can be happy actually being with someone, even if said (LDR) person is worth it.
they failed because they are immature and selfish and disloyal.
b/c some people are just NOT committed enough or their partner isn't someone they love enough to deal with all the ups and downs of a LDRs
Long distance seems like a hard road to go down, and I bet I could never handle it. The only upside would be how happy you feel after not seeing them in a while. I'd rather take the guy for granted and see him every day :)
They definitely fail if one or both people are not committed, cheating, or making time to spend with the other person.
it's hard when you don't get to see the person. like you said, it is a kind of out of sight, out of mind thing sometimes.
I was in a LDR for a while and it didn't work out. I think that was for the best though. It just didn't feel right.
I have always been for LDRs. My sister met her boyfriend online about three years ago, they were friends for a year, ended up meeting and the rest is history. Ahaha. In a good way, may made it two years and they are looking for a house right now. :)
Xo
The people that are involved in it are not always ready and willing to wait it out, as determined, or believe that it can work. For one thing, its Its hard dishing out negative thoughts and remarks from people that are closest to us and around us about long distance relationships. LDRs also need equal effort from both parties... and Its not always that both parties are willing to give in equally.
Because people automatically think they will fail. And the distance makes for a nice excuse that things didn't work out. It absolves the parties of any responsibility. People lurve that.
That's true
For me, the major reason for its failure in LDR is the lack of romance and bonding that would continue to bring two people together. You need to spice the romance up and show that you care even though you don't always there. Nevertheless, having a LDR can be quite hard if it doesn't have a good basis for love.
I definitely have experience in this category.
In both of my experiences, things didn't work out because one person wasn't as committed as they should have been.
with my first LDR, we were high school sweethearts. he joined the army and got shipped 1600+ miles away. things were good while we were together. we completely trusted each other. then, while he was away, skeletons started popping out of closets left and right. he cheated in high school, while in the army, he would spend weekends with a female "friend" in a hotel room with nothing but alcohol. to make a long story short, there was no trust (and for good reason cause i later found out he cheated on me with two females while away) and if there is no trust, there is no relationship.
both parties have to be FULLY committed to each other and the thought of being together. trust obviously plays a huge part in a LDR
I agree with hopelessromantic.
I, myself is in a long distance relationship right now. I'm in Michigan and he's in Kansas, but when we first met, 6 years ago, he was in Chicago. We've been dating for a year and a little over 2 months. Everything's great.
You just need a lot of patience and you need trust. Trust is a BIG factor in a LDR. I guess that's one of the reasons why LDR some times doesn't work...lack of trust. It's understandable though. You also need to take the time to communicate, that's also a huge factor for LDRs.
I think they fail so often for a couple of reasons. One is that the parties involved expect them to fail because people always say that they will and the parties involved are not mature enough and don't trust each other enough to stick it out. The thing is that when relationships do survive a long distance they tend to be stronger than those relationships that never endured the separation.
mine failed cuz of trust... and a bad way of communicating each others wants and needs..
ah if i could, i'd definitely fix all that. though it was an LDR and i met him here... best bf i've ever had, for sure..
you learn from your mistakes.. shit happens.. just gotta keep going and take what you've made and learn.
i definitely think LDR's CAN work.. just know how to manage it.
Perhaps my relationship with my boyfriend has been different from the start--it grew out of many years of friendship, but we've been together through two full years of being at different colleges; this is our third. It takes a whole lot of strength (and I HATE telephones, so communication can get tricky) and much love and perseverance, and an end in sight. I couldn't keep this up forever, but knowing that as soon as grad school, even, we'll be back in the same town helps me through.
Many aren't just willing to put up with the work and patience that it takes. Sometimes, they lack good communication as well, and they're not true to themselves.
LDRs depend a lot on trust and faith. I've seen couples in LDRs getting married and still married. My best girl friend is in one. The road is really long and weary and you need the courage and the strength to walk that road. I still think "absence maketh the heart fonder". "Out of sight, out of mind" seems more appropriate for things or people that you have no desire to see nor remember.
A few things off the top of my head that I can compare my failed LDRs to the successful ones that I hear about are... commitment, planning, trust, and communication.
Definitely the commitment to make it work and to equally put in what it takes to make you both happy is key. Planning things like when to talk and when you're going to see each other gives you incentive to make it through and lends a sense of security that physical relationships can have by seeing each other. Trust, for obvious reasons. And lastly communication is so key, because you have to be able to maintain your relationship intimacy through non-physical ways, so this can get tricky if you aren't communicating effectively.
I think LDRs are more likely to fail because of the extra obstacles and commitment needed. We read all the problems that "normal" relationships of physical proximity have, so toss in the extra things that are needed for LDRs and you have a higher rate of failure... it makes sense. In the end, two committed people, close or far, can make it work, it just depends on the people.
My husband and I met online and after 2 years of LDR, we got married last year and now we are happily together. So, if you two both want it to work, it would work.
If both are commited to the relationship and want it to work out, it will. I am currently in one, have been for eight months, almost nine now, and everything is going great. I mean, sure the nights are lonely and such but. Good things come to those who wait for them!
why do so many fail? simple. relationships need both people to be committed to making it work - as soon as one stops making an effort, it will fail. additionally, without trust or good communication, it will fail as well. i've been in LDRs all my life and have always put in 101% to making it work - unfortunately for me, my ex-bfs just didn't want to put in as much effort and all eventually cheated on me, but hey, you learn from your mistakes and move on.
I met a girl through orkut 12 months ago .. am 19 and she is 18 . now we are commited . she lives just 18 km away from my home. but we are too busy with studies. we meet every 15 days once. its too hard to meet her sometime. we both madly love each other, and she wants me to be with her always. but we cant ignore studies you see.... hoping to have still good time in the future.
is this considered as a long distance relationship.
Not being commited and faithful. Also, it's lacking the physical and face time, in order for the relationship to grow and flourish.
Jeez, I was in a LDR for 3 years. Obviously it didn't work out. Why? Well, neither of us had the patience to wait to see each other, and one of us would throw a fit when the other wasn't able to make a previously planned trip. It was extremely hard, and after the 3rd year, it was over.
I wasn't willing to put in the effort. It seemed like too much stress and what not. Then again, both of us were extremely young and immature, so it probably was destined for failure anyways.
After all, it takes two to make a relationship work. Long distance or not.