Friday, 26 September 2008
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She Wasn't Over Her Ex; Now I'm Not Over Mine!
This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.
I met my ex in San Diego when we were on vacation. We planned trips to theme parks and hung out as much as we could during our time there. On the day before she was left, I asked her out. I have heard that you shouldn't put more than 50% into a relationship, but it was kinda hard not to, considering she was my first GF.
Even if we didn't spend a lot of time together in person with each other, we talked on the phone for hours (personal record was 6 hours straight!), spent a lot of time webcamming w/friends, even playing Pictionary online. She was like another part of me that I hadn't met until then.Now the bad part: She broke up with me...twice. The reason was the same both times; she didn't feel like she was over her ex and felt like we were rushing things.
I was devastated the first time and furious the second time. Even so, I can't hold a grudge on anyone, so we stayed on speaking terms. I know she's a good person, it's just that her fickle heart plays some part in it. I would listen and counsel her about her ex, as a friend. Her ex probably wont even think about getting back with her. All she does now is feel down occasionally, talking to me whenever she's bored. It just seem things are back to normal, just that we're not going out.
Now that I started college, new opportunities have arisen. I've started to notice more cute girls from other places, especially this cute girl in my English class, who occasionally I would catch staring at me and looking away quickly.
Problem is, I don't think I'm over MY ex - at least not completely. We'd talk everyday, asking how our days went and so forth. I don't know if I should just forget the idea of getting back with her and move on to the next girl, or to bide my time, and just wait. I don't know if it's just me, but I seem to have this trouble of moving on. We even exchanged "I love you"s, but I think I'm the only one that meant it. What am I supposed to do?
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Comments (25)
The easiest Way To Get Over an Ex-is to minimize contact, replace them, essentially. I know it's hard, but it works. The more you look at their MySpace & Facebook Profile doesn't help, either
yeah limit contact and try to move on. You'll miss out on a lot if you are still hung up on your ex, trust me on that one
Move on. It needs to happen sometime, and it's better to do it sooner rather than hang on to someone that really isn't all there or completely in it. If you're noticing or becoming interested in other girls, it does mean that you have moved on to some degree.
Why not try talking to the cute girl in your English class? If she is interested, she may be just the thing to help you sever the attachment to your ex.
at least you know how she felt when she couldn't get over her ex, but remember how that made YOU feel. Save the drama and spare everyone the trouble. Just move on. You guys had your chance, and it didn't work out. If you sit there hanging, waiting, etc., you'll just waste even more time.
Sometimes you can be friends with an ex and proceed to live without that sort of friendship hindering you. Other times being "friends" with an ex only holds you back from life and that seems like the case here. You have to ask yourself what you want from staying friends with your ex. Is it just friendship or are you hoping for reconciliation? And if you do want friendship, are you really able to be a friend and not let any romantic feelings get in the way? My advice, though, is just to move on severely limit contact.
Thanks guys, i appreciate the advice :]
sometimes you just have to move forward and let this be a learning experience, too many times men and women hold onto these things and take that into their next connection with someone else that they are attracted to, and then it becomes a bigger and harder deal. that of which is truly unfair to the other person (i have this thing for always being the other person, so i know) .
you don't have to move on, forget, release, or grudge.
you just have to move forward, and try to learn more about yourself and what you need in the process.
They've said it all. She's your ex & the best way to get over someone is to make a clean break. NO friendship, NO communication, & NO excuses. You deserve better so move on.. forget her. That's gonna be hard but you'll have people cheering you on. :) You'll also look back years from now & be thankful you did it. & not to get your hopes up, but if she's the one, you two will find a way back together again. For now, it's over over. Move on. It's a lesson learned & you'll come out for the better. Good luck! It's not easy but such is life!
I had a similar experience with one of my exes, and what I learned from it is to just limit contact with that person and move forward. :\ That's what you need to do.
I understand that she meant a lot to you, but it's hurting you more when you're around her. So try to limit contact and focus more on yourself. You miss out on so many opportunities when you're hung up on an ex. Believe me, I've been through that. :[
Best of luck!!!
interesting, i guess i can understand the "if she's the one, She'll be back later." it makes sense that its holding me back from what opportunities that are out there. Thanks, this means alot to me and helped me out tons
YOU GUYS ROCK!!!!
i say you move on. College means new opportunities. If you get the sense that she didn't mean the "I love you", then trust your gut instinct.
Stop pinning over a chick who isn't going to feel what you feel for her. Maybe she does or maybe she will in time, but regardless it is still a MAYBE. A maybe that she has deemed no where near her feelings over her ex. So you can either stay on the bench waiting for this chick that might never happen. Or you can realize you have a life outside this chick and go out there and see what you find. Its a cliche but they say if you love something set it free, and if its love then it will come back to you or you will find a way back to it. Well time to set it free and see what you find. Good luck.
Put your ex on hold see that soon enough you'll start forget about her especially if you're starting to look at other people. Ask the girl out in your English class and move on, just like everyone else have said.
everyone's comment is really great. they've said it all!! what they said is the best way out of this but i wanna get at u from different perspective.
IF you want her back, if u stay lingering on... she'll never come. i dont know if ppl agree with me, but from what i know.. ppl like what they can't have.
be a little more distant, be a little bit more 'busy'. hang out with other grls, date someone.
and even still she doesnt make a move then leave it all in the past and completely move on. she probably was attracted to you but she didn't "love"you.
She's your first girlfriend, it's always hard getting over your first. I think the best thing to do is move on, I mean worst comes to worst you get together again and she does the same thing to you. Also, it seems like you should be playing the field more anyways you're too young to be hung up on that one girl. And there's on the brighter side now you have a close/best girl friend which is always nice to have.
You're her friend not some kind of life support when she's only bored. You're more than that. I don't know I wouldn't want to be treated as something like that so I'd figured people wouldn't either.
Honest truth you don't need her, she needs you and she'll realize that when you're gone with someone more awesome and someone who obviously appreciates you a hell of a lot more.
Forget her and give another girl a whirl.
she's playing you man, you're the rebound guy, sucks to be that guy. just get over your ex first, then move onto that cute girl in your class. your ex is drama.
@newbeginningschick@xanga -
That's exactly correct. Just don't talk to them, no matter how much you want to.
I think you need to stay away from her for a while. That will give you a chance to mend the heart, and you'll be able to approach other people instead. I think that those two times that you allowed her to break up with you was not a good idea. If she wasn't over the ex the first time, you shouldn't have gotten back with her until she cleared things up.
I think it's just more drama. And I think it's just best to move on.
date someone else. you'll be over her before you know it. and don't half ass it either. if you want a relationship to work, you give it your all. how would you feel if you got in a relationship and the other person only was in it 50% why would you even bother?
the only time you should be giving less than 100% is if you're planning on it being a "wham-bam, thank you ma'am" deal.
I have trouble moving on too. I liked this boy for about 4 years. Long time, I know. =/ I finally got over him like a few months back. But I think being in another relationship helps moving on sometimes.
Always keep it one step at a time though.
:)
get a new girlfriend. the one in your english class sound like it has potential, at least more than what you have with your ex at the moment. time will heal the pain. love is ideal and right now you are idealizing what you have at the moment.
@BeAnAznNonFobber@xanga - lol, what i meant was, in a relationship, two people make up the 100%. if you were to put more than 50%, lets just say 70%, it would mean that ur supposed "SO" is only putting 30%. I believe that both people have to work together to keep a equal balance of 50/50. >.<
oh well that makes much more sense. haha :)
you should enjoy college! if it becomes a chore rather than i pleasure to keep in touch, then you should move on.