Mr. LionI saw Rachel kissing a guy in the middle of the bar. I pulled her best friend aside and asked who he was. She told me it was some random guy; Rachel had been fighting with her ex and just wanted to have some fun.
Rachel and I had classes together and did group work a few times. She seemed reserved but I was really interested in her. We talked in class and chatted online on a regular basis. I told myself I would wait for the weekend to ask her out on a date. Good thing I waited.
I was extremely surprised to see her making out with a random dude - it just didn't seem like something she would do. A part of me was no longer interested in her because of it; I didn't want to date a girl that randomly made out with guys "for fun" or just because she's going through a rough patch in her life.
With a puzzled look across her face, her friend asked, "Why did you ask who the guy was?" I told her I was interested in her Rachel but "seeing that," I said, pointing in their direction, "I don't know if I should be." She told me this wasn't a normal thing for Rachel, but she'd had a shitty week and was just looking to get it out of the way.
I ended up not pursuing her. For all I know, she probably wouldn't even be interested in me but I was already turned off. Some might say, it's not a big deal. To me these little things matter. She wasn't drunk when she was doing this, so that's not an excuse.
Should I have still pursued Rachel? If you were interested in someone and saw them making out with a random person, would you still date them?
Have you made out with a random person?
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Comments (63)
I just think that sometimes, we need affection more than other times. After having a shitty day/week/month, sometimes it's all that's needed to make you realize that you're not a horrible person just because everything in the world has gone wrong.
It's hard to say.
If the girl still didn't know? Well, the crush on my interest would soon go away. I mean, it's happened before so it's natural for me to.
Never done it and have never had it happen before, but I probably would have been turned off, too. MochaSpinkle makes a good point in that sometimes people just need affection more than other times, but I hardly consider making out with a random person just "affection."
... I'm sure there are exceptions, but I cannot think of any right now. (There are exceptions to everything, right?)
just live in the moment....thats all you can do really...
I don't think it should be a dealbreaker, but it certainly does make you pause to think about the other times Rachel might've done the same thing. While I don't know why she was arguing with her ex, it's never a great idea to get involved with a girl who has unresolved issue with a prior relationship. Just my 2 cents.
I guess that random guy could've been you! But then again if you're dating her and you had a fight with her, who's to say she's not going to out and find a random fling for the night? You already can't trust her integrity. So...good riddance I say.
Ok, so honestly I think there's nothing wrong with making out with random people. I've done it a few times. Kissing is harmless and much less risky than promiscuous sex, plus it can be fun. I don't necessarily think it's a good way to make yourself feel better.
But on the other hand, I think seeing the person you like make out with someone else is a turn off no matter who they're making out with. So I understand where you're coming from.
You were right not to have pursued Rachel: if she'll make-out with a random guy, it begs the question, "What else would she do with a random dude?" Everybody has terrible weeks, and yes, we sometimes do drastic things to blow off steam. Kissy-facing with a some random guy that's been who-klnows-where and has done who-knows-what who-knows-whom is too drastic.
It all depends on the person. People have different values and different expections of others. On top of that, we all have "standards". It's unfortunate that you had to witness your "crush" kiss some random guy, but looking on the bright side, you know how this person would react under "pressure" or when he/she had a shitty day/week/month or whatever. I'm sure one time or another, we've done things that were "out of character", and it's up to the other person whether they choose to accept it or not. You chose not to. I personally would've been turned off too if I saw my crush kissing some random person because they're going through a shitty day. Sometimes the littlest things will set things OFF for me too.
Good Choice, Deff.
maybe you should have given her a chance. It's not like her to act that way, so maybe she was having an off night. There are more than a few reasons you liked her, and because of one screw up, you let her go? I certainly would have been turned off if this kind of thing happens a lot, but apparently it doesn't.
kissing a "random guy"?!?! hmmm.. i don't know about that..
are u sure she wasn't on a date or he's not her new bf??
I have made out with random guys, but only because I get bored while waiting for the real thing to come along. I'm sure she'd take a guy who cares about her over a random one any day, and apparently she was acting out of character anyway. I guess I have different standards than most, judging by the other comments, but try not to judge her too harshly.
i personally would be so turned off i'd start to ignore the person since i wanted to have a relationship with them, not a friendship...i would settle for nothing less than what i set my goal on...
if you couldnt have a relationship with her because of that - it doesnt make what she did wrong. it only says two things: a) you cannot date anyone who has less reservation when it comes to hooking up than you do, and b) the way she lives her life is not up to you - her actions are her own and not to be judged by anyone. and niether are your preferances of who to date or not to date.
I say that if that little thing mattered to you and turned you off of her, then dont pursue her. While others may think that little thing of yours is trivial, to you its not. Nothing is trivial, just not how some people would react to a similar situation. Me that would have driven me to try harder, so that next time i would be the person she was kissing and not some random guy. But the big thing here for you to think on, are you going to regret not pursuing this, will it haunt your for a long time? Ive had a situation like that, i had to make ammends on it a year later by trying to be with her then, in the long run and at the end, i knew i had to back down. I introduced her and had her meet one of my best friends, he started to like her, we both hung out with her multiple times and more and more she started talking to him and what not more than me, he knew i was interested and would have done anything promised he would but you know what, whatever you cant help who you like. But in doing all of that, tlaking to her trying atleast to be with her, helped me get over her. So can you do that? Thats the question i want to ask, ive seen too many, and heard about too many people regretting not doing something. I honestly dont think you should give up so quickly.
first of all, if she's fighting with her ex, then she's not over him, second, she's easy, if you want an easy girl, go for it. if she can do that to her ex, she'll do it to you if you two ever got together.
If this was a pattern, I would say running away was being too slow...
But if it was just the rare thing and you just saw her at the wrong moment, hanging around and becoming better friends should have been OK.
Everybody has done stupid things at some point, and what if your soulmate saw you on your worst day, doing something dumb? It would be sad if she gave up on you, after seeing someone you normally are not.
Yes, yes I have. It didn't help that I was piss drunk. But it's okay: me and the guy have been together ever since. (how's THAT for a love story)
No, I have not made out with a random person.
I cannot let someone that close to me when I know nothing about them. Why fool my body and mind into someone I don't even know or trust?
Being physical requires all senses of the body, so why be vulnerable to someone who hasn't earned my trust and respect, and vice-versa? That is a set up for disappointment and failure. In addition, that person could be a psycho-killer, etc.
I never did it but if she was interested in you anyway, she wouldn't have done that.
No, your gut was right - it's probably bad news. I would be so turned off by something like that.
And no, I don't make out with strangers.
I don't think it's a big deal. and I do agree, it's just harmless fun. Different people find 'fun' in different things, and that's just how she does it. It's not like she's having unprotected sex with them.
You made the right choice. Don't question your judgment.
first, it may not have been a random dude. she could have known him, or known of him. I made out on a dance floor once, and if you asked someone who knew me they would have called him a random guy and told you it was out of character. I knew the guy...but yea...the make out was random. I've done some stuff that my boyfriend doesn't necessarily agree with, and had he seen me that day I'm sure he wouldn't have pursued me...but we're together and he's planning on spending the rest of his life with me. Sometimes he's uneasy that I hooked up with people before him, but then again, he was a hookup initially also...so...yanno...who's to really judge? Sometimes it's unclear what motivates people, and not everyone deals with situations in the same way.
I mean, I definitely would have taken a step back, but she could be a wonderful, loving, committed person even if she isn't necessarily an angel with a snow white past. She is still human after all. I'm not saying that you should still pursue her or that you're wrong for giving up on her, you feel the way you feel for a reason. I'm just saying that if there are other qualities about her that you like, it may be worthwhile to just hang out to see what she's really about.