Thursday, 25 September 2008
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Graduating? They'll Give You Relationship Advice.
This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.
At my high school, all of the seniors are required to complete a senior pictorial - essentially, it's a packet of papers that the seniors fill in with information about themselves. Then, after we have all of the information written, we type it out on Microsoft Word and paste pictures that go with our answers.At the end of the year we have to present this pictorial during our senior exit interviews. They explained to us that this pictorial is used to help the interviewers decide whether or not we are ready for the real world.
The interviewer is also allowed to give the student some helpful advice, even in the relationship department. One of the papers that we have to fill out is a prioritizing worksheet that is designed to help us figure out (yep, you guessed it) our "ideal mate". They want us to list ten traits that we would want in an ideal mate and then list them in order of importance.
I am interested in what the Datingish community has to say about this. Is this a good idea or completely ridiculous? Do you think that this will lead us to a major epiphany or will we end up reiterating what we already knew? And most of all, do you think it is the interviewer's business what we want in life?
P.S. Just for kicks, what are the top ten traits of your ideal mate?
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Comments (27)
i think looking back on that later on in life that list would be irrelevant.
Anything that gives you an idea of the realworld or even college life is helpful. It sounds like fun but no, I don't think it's the interviewer's business to even know the details of what we like in a SO. I can imagine many students complaining and not wanting to do it, maybe it should be an option for them, unless it has high statistics.
As for the last question:
1.Funny, I am a person who likes to laugh, if I'm not laughing, I don't like you. 2.Smart, has to hold up good conversations and teach me new things. 3.Some cooking skills, I can't always make all the meals. (Besdise, I can't cook much.) 4.Has to be good with something around cars, fixing up the house, building stuff, and perhaps pumbling. Guys who are completly useless when I can't even lift something up or my car has something wrong is a bit of turnoff. 5.Tall, like over 5'9". I myself am 5'7", I don't like to feel bigger than anyone I'm dating. 6.Nice smile, good teeth. Bad hygiene, turn off. 7.Clean and nice look. A slob and anybody who has ugly shoes, no no. 8.Has a passion/hobby. This shows character to me. 9.Direction and goals in his life. Someone going off at the wrong path, or is just a freeloader, no. I need someone with as much ambition as I have. 10.Sincere. Why not?
Dear god, feels like I'm so picky.
@little_apple_red@xanga - I think it would be interesting to see what you thought you were going to do/be and what you're doing now/are.
I think doing such things like that may help, but for the most part it seems meaningless. Most of us learn things through experience. Listing your ideal mate and receiving advice about it may have an impact, but I should think that impact is relatively small compared to experiencing relationships first hand. And shit, even when experienced first hand, some people don't learn!
Wait - they want you to fill out a packet in HIGH SCHOOL about your relationships and ideal mates?
That's a little ridiculous and early if you ask me. Not to mention the complete invasion of privacy that it. Why does your school need to know about things like that? That's like your boss at work asking you how many sexual partners you've had. Irrelevant and rude.
As for my top 10 traits...
1) Tall (preferably over 5'10); 2) Funny/humorous; 3) Sincere, understanding, and trustworthy; 4) Able to GIVE; 5) Intelligent; 6) Mature (I mean you don't have to be ready to get married, but please stop living in high school); 7) Good-looking, hygienic, put together; 8) Goals and a [good] job; 9) Romantic; and 10) Male. haha.
Individual thinkings can always affect. Sometimes we do need to test people another way round.
Top trait is... Being reliable and trushworthy.
In high school, no one has any idea what kind of person they want, even if they think they do. Also, it's not a high-school-exit interviewer's business to ask anyway. You should at least have the option to refrain from answering those particular questions.
You must go to a small school, I couldn't them doing anything like that with my class haha it would have taken weeks and weeks...
1. Conversation/Intelligence; if he can't keep up, I'm out. Tying for first, Honesty. I can handle anything but a lie.
2. Good Humor (preferable a nice dry humor, but still thinks bodily function jokes are hysterical).
3. Mannerly with a sense of honor.
4. Clean and well kept, preferably taller than me.
5. Having goals and the wherewithal to achieve them
6. Having a good hobby or pastime, everyone needs their own thing.
7. Be going somewhere in life; this goes along with having goals.
8. A certain amount of fearlessness
9. A certain amount of wonder/whimsy
10. Mother has to like him hahahaa
I don't think this is the school's place... it's absolutely ridiculous. What if you don't even WANT a mate?
I'm too lazy to make a list right now. Just thought I'd say that this is a stupid idea though, and I'm glad my high school didn't make us do something so retarded.
@BranmacFeabhail@xanga - haha. I agree. The author must have attended a small high school. My graduating class had around 800 students! No way would we have been able to get that done. A good hour & a half of our graduation was spent going up on stage & receiving our diplomas.
This whole idea of high school exit interviewers giving all-around advice is absurd.. especially in the relationship department. I know I definitely didn't know what I wanted in my future spouse when I was graduating from high school.. & now, 4 years later, I have a better idea. However, I am sure my tastes have changed since high school. [I had a boyfriend end of high school.. & him compared to my current boyfriend.. Wow, there's a big difference!]
I don't think I can list what I look for in my "ideal" mate but I do know he's got to have a great personality, get along great with my friends, love children, & be a Christian. My boyfriend fits all that & more. When you know, you'll know.. & a list won't be necessary. :)
I find that incredibly creepy. Personally, no matter how good the advice might be, I don't want school officials knowing ANYTHING about my love life. Not one thing.
Secondly, what happens if they decide you're not ready for the so-called real world? Do you not get to graduate?
People suck at relationships anyways. So I have no problem with random high school bureaucrats pretending to know better helping kids figure out that they fail at dating.
I have no idea why I was invited to join Datingish.
I guess someone saw that I was single and didn't believe that I was as old as I am. I am a 66-year-old widow and have no plans to get involved with any geezers. I go out with my friends and we have a good time trying out new restaurants, talking and laughing. As a retired teacher, I am astounded that any school official would ask a student questions about personal relationships. I agree with 'hopeless romantic'. It's CREEPY!
Um, that's pretty silly. If you haven't figured it out by high school graduation, some list isn't going to help you.
My top ten?
1. Honesty
2. Loyalty
3. Intellect
4. Kindness
5. Humor
6. Rationality
7. Optimism
8. Patience
9. Ethics
10. Height
unless these interviewers have dr degrees in psychology, i think they should shy away from giving relationship advice.
1. pious member of my religion
2. kind and gentle--bravado/machismo is definitely not attractive to me
3. compatible sense of humor
4. a family man: both with his own family and with our future family
5. financial priorities (it really turns me off when a guy is really into buying t.v.s and video games and gadgets and other nonsense. not a deal-breaker necessarily but still a fairly high priority for me)
6. musical--if he plays or sings, that's an added bonus, but at the very least should appreciate good music
7. manly/masculine. i.e. traditional gender roles, not the hunting spitting type "manliness"
8. chastity. he doesn't have to be a virgin and I can forgive the past as long as it is in the past. but a general attitude of reverence for sex, not casual hook-ups and that sort of thing. a willingness to wait if I want to wait (until marriage that is).
9. political things. looking for an attitude here, not a party or a platform. this will probably correlate to #1.
10. something shallow: I do like a tall man.
Senior interviews to see if you're ready for the real world? That's kind of dumb. Can they really do anything if you're not? No.
I don't really have any idea of an "ideal mate." At least, not right this second.
@awokenfatality@xanga - Nah, that's not picky at all! As long as you realize that a relationship is a partnership and you'll need to work together on somethings (like housework/handiwork) you'll be fine. Good luck!
Personally, I think it's silly. If you want relationship advice, it should be optional. I know I would not feel comfortable talking about that sort of thing with a guidance counselor.
And I don't think tests like that lead to any sort of epiphany. I took a career test once, and the results it gave me were almost the exact opposite of how I see myself. I'm creative, disorganized, and very easily distracted. I dislike too much structure. Yet, this test said I should be in administration or finance, two jobs which would bore me half to death! I can't possibly be that wrong about myself. It's probably the same with relationship tests.
My top ten, in no particular order:
1. honesty (not just about work ethic and money and what he did last night, but about who he is)
2. sense of humor
3. intelligence, but without the arrogance that sometimes comes with it
4. open-minded and willing to consider other people's viewpoints
5. introverted (extroverts are fun, but I decided a long time ago I will not date one. It just doesn't sit well with me)
6. sense of adventure
7. appreciates nature (if he will do anything out in the rain, major bonus points)
8. Speaks his mind, but without running other people down
9. cat person
10. spontaneous
I hate to say this, but at 17/18 you know jack diddly about what you want in life nine times out of ten. While these questions may get you thinking (and really, your "ideal mate" is none of their business) about a new stage in your life....the things you write are going to be so irrelevant in just a year or two.
My top ten things I want in a SO?
1. Honesty. I want someone that would rather break my heart with the truth than tell me something fake.
2. Intelligence. I need someone that can challenge me mentally.
3. Strength. This may be a superficial answer, but I need my man to be stronger physically than me. I also hope they can tough it out through thick and thin.
4. Economic stability. Someone that, independent of income, takes care to save money and invest in wise decisions.
5. Sarcasm. I love a dry, sarcastic wit...nothing beats it.
6. Openness. Open minded with different ideals/beliefs...and ability to "wing it" sometimes.
7. Empathy. He's gotta be connected to the people around him.
8. Energetic. I need someone that can keep up with me!
9. Down and dirty. definitely would love a guy that doesnt mind getting dirty outside once and a while. off roading, hiking...you name it, I'm in!
10. Aspirations. No matter what they are, he's gotta have some kind of life goal....
Wow, am I tough to please!
1. funny
2. intelligent
3. caring
4. likes kids
5. honest
6. loyal
7. similar morals/ethics
8. catholic
9. italian (would be nice...)
10. blue eyes
@cmdr_keen@xanga - Thanks. Yeah, I'm not the type to just relax and not lend a hand.
Heh, this is gonna be fun.
You're just exiting one stage in your live, and entering another. Completely new territory. You have no idea what you really want out of a mate, or life for that matter, because you haven't experienced anything yet. I feel it's pointless, but it could be fun.
As for my top ten traits in an SO:
1.] Mature - they have to be mature enough to have a serious heart to heart when either of us need it, and not always try to crack a joke when it's unneccesary.
2.] Honest - If I ask them a question, I'd like an honest answer, whether it might hurt my feelings or not.
3.] Loving - I'm an extremely loving person, and I like someone who is going to give back the love I show.
4.] Caring - It's always good to know your SO cares about you and your well being.
5.] Similar morals/values - For example, if I want to have 4 or 5 kids, I want to know my SO even wants children, let alone a small army.
6.] Intellegent - They have to be able to teach and show me things I never knew. They also have to be able to hold an intellectual conversation with me.
7.] Loyal - I'm not talking like a dog, but I'd like to know my SO wants me and only me, as I would want them and only them.
8.] Mental/physical strength - If either of us are going through a stressful emotional situation, I want to know he can hold up his end. Also, I don't want my SO to be a wimp and not be able to carry some weight.
9.] Outgoing - They have to be able to want to try new and exciting things, or else the relatonship may become repetitive, and then become boring.
10.] Fun - My SO needs to be able to laugh, and to make the ones around them laugh. They need to be able to poke fun at themselves as well, to show they are grounded.
My ideal man would be:
1. Good at communicating
2. Have interesting opinions and life experiences
3. Have deep eyes and a great smile
4. Have a good sense of humor
5. Be chivalrous, but not over the top so
6. Have a good relationship with his mother
7. Levelheaded yet opinionated
8. Family oriented
9. 6'+
10. Affectionate/ Passionate
haha, if you break those apart I probably listed about 30 things.
You just narrow in on what you want after time and experience. And I think that's a good thing.
Whoa! That sounds pretty neat. Having those interviews may be helpful for people who haven't ever thought about it. And it can help guide you... And the last year of high school should be when you start thinking about the real world... but... as we all know... what we wanted in high school, even the last few days, changes a LOT in the next few years. People change so much after high school, that those lists might not apply anymore. It may have helped them prep for real life, but real life will always just hit you anyway.
i think that thats something no school should do. thats something completely private and should not be evaluated by someone who doesnt even know you. thats just wrong.
(if my school would do that, id sue them. good thing im studying law.)
i wouldnt even come up with a top ten list, because it either fits or it doesnt. i could list some things i found important a few years back, but they all mean nothing now.
the ideal partner sometimes turns out to be completely different from what you imagined, but he's still perfect.