Wednesday, 24 September 2008
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"I Flirt Because I Want to Make Your Day Better!" - what?
This is a guest blog submitted by breakingthemold.
"Hey, you look gooood today," a smooth male voice whispered over my shoulder.I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but smile, even if just to myself. Jack was known in our class as a major flirt. Nothing over-the-line or inappropriate, just fun-loving flirting. The catch? He's engaged.
Within the first few week of classes we all knew about his fiancé from comments he made, but obviously it didn't stop his teasing and flirting every female that walked through the door. He knew how to make women feel good and worked it as well as he could...which was actually pretty impressive.As we got to know each other better, I asked him if his wife-to-be minded his constant flirting. He replied with his notorious wink, "Hey, I just like making people smile and feel good about themselves. It's just innocent flirting, nothing serious. But it usually brightens a woman's day to have a guy flirt with her, so why not? I just helped make her day a little better."
He did have a point. Most women do smile at a guy trying to flirt with her, no matter how ugly, cheesy or annoying the guy may be. Even if it only lasted for a second, at least it gave her a moment to think, "Hey, this guy finds me attractive enough to try and get my attention."
Is there really such a thing as "flirting to make people smile"? Is it okay to flirt with someone knowing there are no serious intentions?
Last, would you be ok with your SO flirting with others, however innocently?
(as a side note, at the end of the semester we saw when the joke was on him... his fiancé showed up to a class tournament with him. No flirting then, huh?
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Comments (47)
It's an ego circle jerk. This guy knows if he says the right thing then the majority of women, who can't see through the charm, will feel good about themselves, and he'll feel good about himself for doing it. Everyone feels like they've accomplished something. Except...they haven't. Just another one of the meaningless games humans play.
I would be mad if my SO flirted with other girls all the time. Even if it was trying to be nice. Besides, someone could get hurt. What if this girl thinks you're really interested and then you're like "Nah, I'm just trying to be nice." That's like a slap in the face. I think you should only flirt if you're really interested. Sending mixed messages is rude. As if guys weren't confusing enough to start with.
oooh. this is tricky.
i was a big flirt back in the day.
i think flirting is okay if
a) your single (obviously)
b) (if not single) you kno your SO doesnt mind that you flirt
c) if you are not genuinely interested in the person (or not available), you flirt with them in a FRIENDLY way.
its important that you dont take the flirting too far. and if you are involved and suspect that one of the females/males you are flirting with likes you, back away. not all at once, cause you will prolly hurt their feelings, but try to do it in a more gentle way, if possible.
@FireMapleSong@xanga - Agreed. Flirting is fun, but in such a case, who cares? Why bother? Of course, he probably derives fun from it, which is the goal. What I'd like to know is how the females in question felt about it. Because honestly, that sounded like some pretty serious flirting going on. Not an opportunistic sort, or fun-loving. He rather singled people out to flirt with them in an obvious way. I could call that creepy.
I think it's silly.
You want to make someone's day better?
Then go out of your way to be nice to them.
Not everybody feels better when they're flirted with. I know I don't.
Plus, I have some gut feeling telling me that guy lied. He probably just liked the attention. Still, I could be wrong.
Flirting in the end is just flirting. It's okay to flirt with no other intentions, just make sure that the person doesn't get attached. However, I would really not like it if my SO flirted with someone else, and if I'm with someone, I won't flirt with another person. It's just direspective when you're commited to someone.
@moi_gigi@xanga - woah guys are not confusing girls are. Girls flirt with everyone hoping that one of them will catch. The short skirts/shorts the low cut tops, see my point?
@jhaguar13@xanga - That's not flirting, it's called clothes... lol. When I dress hot, it's 'cause I want to look good and feel confident, NOT because I'm trying to seduce every single guy I see. Not saying girls aren't confusing - I'm sure everyone thinks the opposite sex is confusing. And I don't think anyone should flirt with other people when they're in a relationship - girls included.
he sounds manipulative. he flirts, the person feels good, and then when he asks something of them, they don't feel opposed to the idea - some of them may be eager to.
those are the same kind of guys who talk their way out of tickets and don't feel the rules apply to them.
I wouldn't feel comfortable with my SO flirting with other chicks.
Innocent flirting is still wrong.
It gives the 'receiver' false hopes.
I have to agree with the other commenters.
I have never understood the mentality behind "innocent flirting". Flirting makes a person feel good because they feel "Hey, this guy finds
me attractive enough to try and get my attention"?
Why would I be flattered when the guy was never genuinely interested or anything, but was just flirting to mess with me? And in the cases where I really do believe the guy finds me attractive, that means that I've been given false hope...
It's an unobvious way of leading people on... some people just derive joy from leading people on...
I used to be one of those innocent flirters when I was younger.. & that got me into a whole lotta trouble! I ended up having 2 guys crush on me & it got sticky especially when I chose one over the other & the other guy ended up going to the same college as me. Aish~ I've learned my lesson since then though! Innocent flirting is wrong.. you can end up leading people on & hurting them.
That said, I'd hate it if my boyfriend flirted with other girls. It'd make me very uncomfortable & I just don't see the point in him needing to flirt with other girls. If people flirt for the thrill, I hope he's not feeling he doesn't get a thrill out of the relationship 'cause then his ass is gone~ As for me, I've toned down the flirty side of me -- by a LOT -- since I've gotten with my boyfriend & he appreciates that. :)
I would NOT be okay with my SO innocently flirting. He knows that. Women always take his good intentions TOO seriously. ... one of the flaws of being a gentleman.
However, such a thing as flirting for smiles exists. And I think it can be nice as long as it doesn't go to far and no one is conned into thinking that the flirtations are serious.
@FireMapleSong@xanga - Pretty much I agree. Even though I do flirt lol.
@eternal_dreaming@xanga - I agree. Once in a relationship I wouldn't flirt with anyone. I don't really flirt with strangers but close friends. But once I get into a relationship (IF EVER) I wouldn't flirt with them as much anymore. I'm sure I'd do it out of habit, though.
Actually this is probably why I wouldn't get close to a friend's GF. To avoid any flirting. In fact I'm rather cold to my friend's SO. Partly because I don't think it'll last(Bad I know) or to avoid sexual tension.
I don't mind actually because he doesn't do it anyway whether I'm with him or when he's alone. Ultimately, I'm the only one he has eyes for. I have faith in him. You don't have to flirt with women to make them feel good. You just have to be real nice and well-mannered.
However right (or logical according to his reason for flirting) it may seem for him to be flirting with other girls to make them feel better, all I know is that I would not like my SO flirting with others. End of story.
i don't mind flirting, actually. i do it without really thinking about it myself, and i trust my fiancee so it wouldnt bother me if he did as long as it wasn't sleazy.
It depends on the degree of flirting. Paying someone a compliment is fine - even if you're not interested in them. But any innuendo that you'd like to hook up with them (when you can't or don't intend to) is off sides.
If you are involved with someone I don't think you should do it, even if the intention is to make someone smile. But I will admit I have done it for that reason though while single. As a guy you kind of have to or else you turn into that guy who gets emo and cries at a corner every time he gets rejected. Flirting is the safer way to go. But also I do it sometimes if someone looks like they need a cheer up. People who are having bad days kind of unintentionally show it to people, and its nice to cheer people up.
Flirting has many definitions...from serious romantic interest to entertainment. I think it depends on the situation. .... Who /how/how long you have known the person you are flirting with. Does your SO know your personality? and trust you? Is it a friend you have known for many years that you joke with?..or someone you just met?..I think every situation has to be addressed carefully. You could have all the best intentions, but everyone views things differently. The situation could get complicated quickly...He may feel like he is "hands off" because of the "engaged" title. , so feels safe.
--> "Most women do smile at a guy trying to flirt with her, no matter
how ugly, cheesy or annoying the guy may be." --> I don't think this is true...I think girls get annoyed instead if approached by someone they dont find attractive. and no I don't think I would be too thrill if my SO constantly flirt with other guys no matter however innocent it might be.
I just started college and have a boyfriend, and this guy hasn't stopped flirting with me since we met. He knows I have a boyfriend and stuff and we have no intention whatsoever with getting together. Well, I don't know about him, but he knows that I won't be going for him. It's true that whenever he does flirt with me, I get a little smile inside and outside. Flirting does make a girl's day a bit better, but honestly, he should take out his flirting techniques on his girlfriend, not every girl that walks past him.
It's not flirting that is the problem. Flirting by definition is exactly what the guy says -- harmless behavior that makes the recipient a little happier for a time. The problem I think a lot of women (and maybe some men) have with their S/O flirting is they don't trust that it's completely innocent. They aren't secure enough in the relationship to realize that just because your S/O is a charmer, doesn't mean he is going home the object of his flirtation. At least -- if he's happy in his current relationship, he won't.
Trust! It's all about trust! (And realizing that if the horn dog does go home with her -- he wasn't worth your investment in him or the relationship.)