Wednesday, 24 September 2008
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Dating Someone Just Like You
Mr. Giraffe
Everyone's heard that old adage "opposites attract," but I think it's more interesting to discuss what happens when you date someone who is exactly like you.
You share the same interests, the same hobbies, the same favorite restaurants. You listen to the same music, watch the same movies, read the same books. You love Jake Gyllenhaal; he likes Maggie Gyllenhaal.This kind of relationship could go one of two ways:
It could be a seamless relationship. Everything just works. No fits, no fights, no feuds and no egos (Sondheim, Gypsy).
Or it could be a total and complete bore. I am not one for dysfunction (unless it's on a page, a stage or a screen) but some friction in a relationship is welcome. Tension is good because it allows for differing opinions and for growth.
No one likes a doormat, right? Imagine two doormats. Like my fellow Datingish writer says, "I feel like we would never get anywhere." She is right. With two doormats, a couple couldn't go anywhere...for dinner or relationship-wise.
Could you date someone just like yourself? Is friction necessary?
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Comments (63)
I think I could date someone similar to me, but not identical (as if it's possible to be identical to someone else.)
I dated two guys who were completely different from me. It went alright, but there were times when it was frustrating because we just couldn't understand where the other person was coming from.
I'm now interested in someone who is quite similar to me: we like the same music, had some similar childhood experiences, get each other's sense of humor, and probably have the same myers-briggs type.
However, he is not exactly like me, thank goodness. I wouldn't want him to be. It's great that he understands me, but I wouldn't want a carbon copy of myself.
I think there can be friction when your SO is very similar to you: you can assume that the person is exactly like you and will therefore agree with you on everything, and that is a very dangerous assumption to make. You have to see each other as individuals, even if you are very similar to each other.
i think it be horrible...omg... i am like new stuff and i absoulutely like friction..if the person is like me then i neva try new things....
no. i would get so bored.
I am with someone opposite of myself.
not in everything but in lots of things we are opposite and it makes it more interesting and keeps us from being to set in our ways
Two people can share common interests as well as a love of adventure, much like my SO and I do. One of us will suggest a new movie/play/restaurant that the other might be reluctant to try, and it happens regularly.
Relationships with no fits, feuds or egos can also occur with opposites. Love and admiration can EASILY stem from the fact that your lover is nothing like you, and that can definitely go both ways.
My definition of friction is perhaps off from yours, Mr. Giraffe. Tension is not mandatory for differing opinions and growth in my eyes. Sure, it might help occasionally, but it's by no means required for individuals to develop socially and emotionally. In an ego-free relationship, you can still grow and learn and change, but there more than likely won't be nearly as much tension between the two, if any at all.
"No one likes a doormat, right?
Imagine two doormats. Like my fellow Datingish writer says, "I feel
like we would never get anywhere." She is right. With two doormats, a
couple couldn't go anywhere...for dinner or relationship-wise."
This would only really occur when two doormats date, and is a special case relating to the situation. Tension can be avoided while convincing your SO to try something new, say, Indian food. Some tension might be needed when talking about the future with your SO or personal needs in a relationship, but those, I have seen, are more apprehensions than anything else.
Some people like a little friction or a little competition, and I think some people would be more comfortable with someone just like them..
Personally, I can't stand people like me. I would never be friends with myself, much less date a guy who's that much like me.. I think maybe it's too hard to have your own "space" when you both want to do the same thing, at the same time. Separate activities are necessary.. and so is sometimes having to deal with their own favorite hobbies or music or whatever, and making them also suffer yours. You grow through that kind of suffering.
that is a seriously scary proposition that there'd be a girl out there exactly like me...
I could, but I would prefer someone that has strenghts that I dont have in order to bring me up.. and likewise. I think that way we could balance eachother and find ways to grow.
@godofthelost@xanga - I know exactly what you mean. :D
My boyfriend and I are pretty much like that. :)
I think there does need to be some similarity. But a total copy? No that would be boring. I don't think friction is necessary but differing personalities is. There needs to a balance between the two people. You know the saying "to much of a good thing..." I think it applies here.
Friction? No. Differences yes.
My SO loves horror films--I hate them. This isn't FRICTION, it's just a difference.
If, say, he didn't like talking about his family, and I really liked talking about his family and we got into some bickering about that, THAT would be friction.
It's good to have some intrigue in a relationship in order to keep both of you interested.
sounds too boring to me.
I did fall for a guy with the same personality as me, and with many of the same tastes. He was several years older.
After several years of ups and downs his parting comment was that "we have all the wrong things in common". WTF?
More than 4 years and that's what summs it up?! GRRR (and that was 25 years ago
)
I Think It's Possible. My Boyfriend And I Have Been Together For Quite Some Time And I Feel We're A Lot Alike. We Both Are Very Stubborn And Like To Be In Control. We Look At Life The Same Way, Have The Same Feelings On A Lot Of Topics, Same Music, Style, Hygiene. So Of Course There's A Lot Of Tension And Arguing For Us. But For Some Reason It Just Works For Us. We Would Never Imagine Leaving Each Other. A Lot Of People Say It's Because We Have A Daughter Together, But We've Been How We Are Ever Since Before We Starting Dating. It Just Works.
i've actually dated someone that was "just like me" and that wasn't a good thing. i'm argumentative, moody, and stubborn. we basically had the same personality in a male and female form. it sucked.. absolutely horrible. i believe that you want to have some things in common, but not all. at the same time, i don't fully believe that opposites attract either. my most recent ex was the complete opposite from me and all it lead to was disagreements.. over EVERYTHING. you just have to find a balance.
I have done that relationship. And with our personalities it went a third way. Major friction. We were very much a like and both extremely passionate about things, so when we fought it was a major war.
i once dated a guy who is exactly like me
we both play competitive volleyball, snowboard on the toughest slopes, dragonboat racing all over the country, we shared the same friends. we're both chinese, he's a web programmer, i'm a web designer, we graduated from the same university. our resume matched, our interests matched - i'm the perfect wife for him according to his parents' standards, he's the perfect husband for me according to my parents' standards... but what ultimately ended our relationship was that he doesn't have God.
there was nothing in common in terms of values and goals. he definitely wouldn't mind a desk job for the rest of his life, while i want to explore and do the most life has got to offer.
different interests can be explored by both sides... but if both of you don't have God who can give you the same vision for life, then your relationship would not be as easy as it can be.. any relationship is not easy, but definitely easier when there's God around.
i like guys who are older and opposite because i can respect them.. i think i'm more likely to be friends with guys my age and who are just like me..
Although dating someone like you can give you the "this person really gets me!" effect, it wears off after a while and a lot of the relationship becomes predictable. When I ask women out, it's because I find them interesting, attractive, and most importantly, different from me.
But maybe that's why I'm still dating
Friction and fights are necessary, relationships with no fights are just not healthy. You need those bad times in order to make the goods worth it. You need those bad times in order to realize why and how much you love them. If it weren't for arguements, one could just be with who ever and feel content with them. There will be no need for much individuality. You don't know happiness until you have felt happy. You don't know love until you have felt hate. It is why we have opposites, to know why the goods are so good. To differentiate bewteen things.
That being said, no, I couldn't date myself.
Yes. Who wouldn't want to date someone just like myself?
@vivalicious822@xanga - I wholeheartedly agree with this point. Personal viewpoints don't mean much if you've got personalities that clash constantly. I personally could never be involved in a volatile relationship. I just couldn't do it.
It would be nice to have someone that shared similar hobbies, went to similar places as myself etc.. Honestly that would be great, we could grow our love for eachother based on that.. Yet, it doesn't suffice..
I have to agree with vivalicious822.. she said it well!
The most current blog I made is about the opposites attract thing. Anyone who wants to know my thoughts can check it out.
Otherwise I think it's a good law, if you've already been screwed by being with someone is so similar to you.
haha...is it just me or do you too wonder why the couple in the photo above are wearing picnic table cloth for shirt? I think I would burst out laughing if I see someone wearing that on the street. (not to be mean...but I would find it funny). anyway, I like differences...according to the personality test of Myers-briggs...my perfect fit would be someone of the completely opposite although it's rare that I would come in contact with someone like that...because we are completely opposite...how ironic..
I don't think I could date someone just like me. We'd annoy each other to no end.
My girlfriend and I aren't too similar, but I wouldn't mind if she liked sports haha.