Dr. DatingishI've always prided myself on being a girl who could look at relationships objectively - hook-ups were just hook-ups, no expectations - usually just some drunken making out with some awkward aftermath. Actual relationships were approached much more slowly. I've encountered a situation that blurred my previously well defined lines, and now I'm a headcase: confused and even more confused...
This is my situation: I hooked up with someone (a visiting friend of my roommate) last year. Neither of us was really drunk (we had been drinking earlier in the night, but by the time we were together we both admitted the alcohol had worn off) and had a really fun night of dancing and kissing.
I felt oddly attached to this person afterwards - I know from my roommate that this guy is very good with and hooks up with a lot of girls...so I knew I was probably just biting the bait and tried to forget about it...but it's haunted me for the past year.
Then a few weekends ago, he came back...and we ended up hooking up again. Again, lots of dancing and making out. But the thing that threw me off was afterwards: he stayed over in my room and was being super cuddly. Then the next morning, when we were completely sober, we kissed more (like cute kisses, not aggressive and sex wanting). And I felt so comfortable with him that it really scared me...it felt like we had been dating for years.
Could this potentially mean anything? Should I ask into it? I'm not stupid - I'm sure I was just used for booty...but something keeps making me think that it could be more.
I just feel really dumb and don't know what to do...help? :/
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Comments (26)
:O I'm not sure, he hung around, so I dunno! Give it some time?
I'd ask the guy out for coffee. If he agrees, he probably has a thing for you, and you can talk about it while you're out. If he says no, that's probably your answer, and you can move on.
Definitely ask him to do something with you and see what he says. If you have the feeling with somebody, at least try and see what it's all about.
Some people you just like faster and harder more than others! That's a great thing. You should stick together.
I guess you could try talking to him about it. It's not a big deal to try to figure things out by asking him. If anything, maybe it will be better for you. Or as someone suggested, you could try asking him to go hang out (not on bars lol)
But it was just a hookup? What's the confusion?
I understand completely...going through a similar thing now actually. It went way beyond just booty and we're now semi-together. Soooo yeah...figure it out though or you'll always wonder.
If it was a hookup, it was a hookup. There should be no confusion and you shouldn't really have to spend your time fussing over it. If it's more than just a hookup, it should be clear. Not borderline, confusing, fuzzy on the edges. Regardless if he stuck around and acted all cute and cuddly with you (note: acted..and that could be all it was, a thing in the moment). But you could always ask if it really bothers you that much. No point in feeling stupid about getting attached and finding out later it was just a simple booty call.
From what I understand, it was just a hookup. There is a possibility that he likes you more than as a friend, but it doesn't look like he wants the commitment in the form of a relationship. That's just what I think though. You could always ask him if you really want to find out.
Ask him out. You'll never find out just wondering about it.
I got drunk when I met my current boyfriend. I never knew the guy and the attraction was there. Ended up making out with a stranger. When the alcohol died down, we didn't know what to do with it. I just wanted to shrug it off but he asked me out for some coffee just to know me as a friend. I totally gave up on dating but with him I just caved in and gave this guy my last last last final chance with dating around. So.. since the day we've dated... we've been completely inseparable. Literally, we've never been more than a day a part and this has been going on for 7 months! There was certainly more than just an attraction that first started it off.
So basically.. what I'm saying is... ask him to hang out with you! No alcohol :P
@SnowGlobe2954@xanga - what you said. yep. give it a shot if you've got a good feeling.
Talk about it.
I've had a problem somewhat like this except... Age-appropriate.
After talking to the guy he made it clear there'd be nothing there because of a lot of really valid reasons. we're still friends.
The way I see it, just because it's the next morning, the sun is up and he's acting sweet doesn't change the fact that it's probably still a hook up.
Try to invite him out- if it's more than a hook up, he'll meet you half way. If it's not, he'll make you make all the effort.
ditto alcohollyc
@alcohollyc@xanga - @SnowGlobe2954@xanga -
I concur, just incase he is a serial "love addict" - one of those people who always looks for that initial high from being with someone - You could try cooling things down a bit.
Go for a setting outside of bar/club w/o alcohol. Get a better view of things. The potential for booty - (i.e. the S) is probably a big draw and making him come back.
"I felt so comfortable with him that it really scared me...it felt like we had been dating for years." is just the warm-n-fuzzy chemicals messing with your brain. Just think, what is it about this person that attracts you to him? How well do you really know him? Good looks? Charm? Smart? Etc - or the fact that you two kissed n cuddled and it feels good?
You can talk to him about it.
If he doesn't make an effort like get your number or try to visit more, it was probably just a hook up.
You need to talk to him about it. Ask him out for coffee or something, and take the conversation from there. From what I understand, if he hung around after the hook-up, he might be genuinely interested. Good luck!
Try asking him for lunch or coffee and casually talk about it. If he says that he had fun and it was just for fun..then you have your answer..but if he says that he feels comfortable being around you and wants to do something more..like go on dates and all that..then that means he has a thing for you.
The morning after, when he was acting all cute and cuddly, be sure that he wasn't just trying for another hookup. If he made any moves like he was, then he probably was. If he didn't, then he probably wasn't.
What everyone else said: ask him out to coffee or something.
it all depends on his next actions sweetie..let him show something more, then you can judge for yourself.. =)
but really hanging out after a hook up is something more...
Been there. I've had my share of confusion.
I don't think it means anything. Sometimes people like the feeling of being close to someone. I'm sure you are a lovely person, and he must be, too, so the cuddling probably meant nothing more than just feeling close to someone. He probably likes you, yes, but liking someone is still a far cry from wanting more than just a hookup. I think it just means the guy likes you as a person or a friend and respects you, feels comfortable, and trusts you enough to be a bit vulnerable, but I don't think it necessarily means he wants more.
If he does want more I think he will be a bit more adamant about it if you guys start hanging out a lot more. By hanging out I mean you start meeting at night to NOT hookup (like you guys hanging out and him not making a move, doing a study date thing, or JUST sleeping), or you meet up random mornings when you didn't hook up the night before. I feel that a lot of guys who are confident and comfortable enough to hookup and stick around will be honest about when they like you as more than just a hook up and will probably take it upon himself to make a more serious move.
Well if you talk on a regular basis, ask him...im sure also that little hints will just come out on its on. If you dont talk on a reg basis...I say wait for him to call. If you are unsure about what happened and what to think of it.... it will eventually come out on the open... it always does.
been there, done that. ive come to the conclusion that sometimes, even tho it was just a hook up, the guy just might like to cuddle, and kiss. doesnt really mean anything. but if you cant get it off your mind, then ask him about it. the worst that could happen is him telling you that hes not into you that way.
im curious to kno; after that second hookup and him spending the night, did he contact you afterwards? cause if not, im thinkin hes not THAT interested. if i was feelin someone, i would make sure i had a way to contact them afterwards.
The logical part of me (my brain) says he stayed because he realized that this was the second time y'all hooked up and he might have thought you would expect him to be more gentlemanly now. I don't think he intends this to go any further than that. On the other hand -- have you asked him for his thoughts on the subject? If you're going to be a headcase, you might as well share the angst with the person causing it. (That's my heart talking!)