This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.I've been hanging out with this guy I met in class about three
years ago. We had a great connection back then but I was in a
relationship, so I didn't let things go anywhere. I emailed
him out of the blue two months ago, and we've communicated via email
and text for the first month and I've been "seeing" him for a month or
so.
In his opinion, hooking up progresses into seeing someone
exclusively.
At first, I was uncomfortable with the idea, but I've
become open to it.
He treats me really nicely; he knows I'm a fan of
fruits so he surprises me with a bunch of fruits whenever I come over to
his place. He knew I'd be out of town for two weekends straight, so he
insisted in seeing me before I left. When I came back from my trip, he
said he'd missed me and wanted me to come over.
I always have a great time with
him, but we haven't done much beside hanging out at his apartment - if we want to do something else, I have to make plans to do something. I'll suggest something to do and he'll agree to it, but otherwise, he never has anything
planned out for us to do.
I've asked him to join me and my friends when we go
out, but he refuses. Maybe he's not ready? Is this a booty call or is there potential for an actual relationship?
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Comments (33)
Hmmm... That's a tough one. Some guys are really charming and make it seem like they really like you when all they want is hooking up. But the fact that he's unwilling to meet your friends is kind of weird. But maybe he's just not ready.
Hopefully, since he said hooking up progresses into seeing someone exclusively, that's what he means. I've found that guys at least tend to be relatively straightforward about whether or not they want a relationship (doesn't mean they won't lead you on though). I dunno... Sorry, I'm no help at all... haha.
I will say this though. I was in a similar situation and it didn't turn out well. But he didn't say he wanted a relationship. So who knows.
Tough to say what he has in mind, but if he starts to discourage you - even just by being moody about it - from seeing your friends when you want to, cut it off.
Well, I am not sure if this is booty call, since you've only said you are hanging out at his place. If you are having regular sexual activity, and that is all he seems interested in doing, then I guess it's an accurate description of all he's allowed it to be.
Being a guy, I think I'd refuse the offer to hang out with your friends the FIRST time just because I'd feel weird about conversing with them. But, afterwards, if the problem still insists, it could be that maybe he just isn't into that or perhaps it is a booty call( though I'm not sure if you two are sexually active or not, that is if that's all he seems to want). Honestly, he shouldn't be forced to go see your friends, but I think meeting them or hanging out with them once wouldn't kill him either. If you feel uncomfortable, I think it's time you talked to him about it thoroughly.
random props.
Booty call? Are you two sexually active? If so, then "yes" its booty call...
booty call?? hardly. sounds like you two don't even hold hands.
honestly... i think you're over analyzing.
i'd say just go with the flow and let things happen naturally. but if you *really* NEED to know.. just ask him.
Please don't laugh at me.. but what's the definition for hooking up these days? I'm not that old, but I'm not young like in middle/high school. I just never understand what people mean when they say hooking up. I've always thought it meant making out & heavy petting but then again, I'm pretty naive when it comes to relationships. [FYI, I'm nearing 22.]
In my opinion, I'd like the guy to most of the plans 'cause it gets a little annoying after a while if I'm the one making all the plans 'cause then the effort is a little one-sided & that's not how things are supposed to be. Like the saying goes, "a relationship is a two-way street" & in any friendship or relationship, both sides should be putting equal amount of effort. I don't know what the guy's intentions are but I wouldn't want to assume. I'd ask him flat out where this is going. I also wouldn't have reasoned with things to get this far & to think it's okay to put myself in such a compromising position & possibly set myself up to get hurt. It's unhealthy to put yourself through this guessing game when he can't even be clear about what he wants. It's hard but I'd advise you to get out now & that'll force him to make a decision about what he wants. If not, it's his loss & you'll be for the better. You deserve a guy who can be straightforward about his feelings for you & treat you nicely all the time.. not just in secret.
I would say he's BFF material unless you're alluding to a physical side that us readers aren't getting.
No sexual contact: BFF... maybe just innocent.Kisses, but nothing hot n heavy: He's having trouble committing, but is interested in you.Snogging/Hot n heavy makeouts: Sounds like he's definitely into you, but be careful because you might not be the only girl getting this treatment.Bed-buddy: Booty call. You should talk to him about it and clarify YOUR intentions. With any lucky, your sugar daddy can become your sweetheart!
@cokeaddict@xanga - I agree.
If he does the little things for you it probably means that he likes you. Some guys may do a lot of things just to get laid but their efforts are less, unless you're a major score.
Just go with the flow and if more time goes by like this, tell him what's up and that you don't want this.
I know just how you feel. Me and this guy have been talking for a while... like it's there, it's just the when? I guess. Idk. Like I still just can't tell where we stand. I've tried the outright just 'this is how it is' and its seems like were on the same wavelength... but then again I'm never really sure. It's frustrating. I feel for you.
OMG did I write this?
I feel for you but other than that I'm as confused as you are. Sorry I can't be of much help.
But I don't think anything will happen if he continues to just be "your friend"--and if it is just a friendly thing he's doing. Don't start a relationship with him--both of you will most likely hate the other when you break up or just fall apart.
Getting together two good friends will usually end up with both parties losing a lot of friends. So, I think it is better just to be in this gray area.
I have read some of the other responses and I guess you could ask him but sometimes it is better to never know, you know? Why ruin something good just to know the truth? I'm guessing you're over the age of a naive little high school student, so you should know--the truth is not always what you want it to be and therefore not the coolest thing to find out in the world.
If I knew I would be typing this much, I would've just blogged it. Sorry. ~.~
same position, sort of. very confused T_T
just go ahead and ask him already. what's the worst that could happen, you find out you're a booty call, next!
hum, hard to say, but there's always room or potential for a relationship, and it could be a simple booty call as well.
try asking him to a laid back BBQ or a small get together. something non-threatening to home bodies. maybe it's the places you guys are going out to? try different activities. see if he bites. if not then maybe you are a booty call.
Could be a booty call. I mean, he doesn't want to meet your friends nor hang out with them. Then again, it could just be that he just wants to spend all alone time with you. At least he was straight up and told you that for him hooking up progresses to exclusivity. Is this a committed relationship or do you want it to be like for the moment kind of relationship? Search your feelings and see how you feel about him. Otherwise, I'd confront him about it : ) That way, you have all your doubts cleared up.
I had the same situation.
In my case, the guy thought I was a great friend (and we're still good friends today) but didn't want to date me for various reasons.
The fact that he's never asked you out on a date or anything probably means that he doesn't want a real relationship with you, but it doesn't mean that he's using you either. Since he's treating you well, it definitely means that he respects you!
You just have to ask yourself if you mind if the relationship doesn't go any further than what it's at already.
Maybe you can stop trying to make plans and let him take the initiative. Don't call him, let him call you. Don't suggest activities, let him come up with things.
If he doesn't want to think of activities, or stops calling you, then he doesn't want to put time and effort into the 'relationship.' In this case, Good riddance I say!
But if he starts working harder, then all's good in the neighborhood.
HIm not planning anything could just be because he is a guy. I have been with my bf for 2 1/2 years and he's a great guy but planning activities just isn't something he's good at. I think since we've been together he's planned maybe 4 or 5 outings. That's okay though cuz I understand that's just how he is. So maybe ur guy is just like that. As long as he is willing to let you make plans for the two of you to go out and do things, then I wouldn't worry. If he won't go out in public with you though then you might have to worry.
It sounds like potential for a relationship. Just because he's not making plans doesn't mean he wouldn't love to do whatever you suggest. There are types of guys who just don't think outside the box or are just happy to do whatever makes you happy.
(that is a good trait!)
My boyfriend is terrible at picking things out to do, even when I ask him ("I can't decide! Pick what you want") and some are just happy to see you happy. :)
sounds like a line to me. ask him straight up if he wants a relationship, sooner rather than later. if he can't give you a clear answer, say sayonara and quit wasting your time.
the fact that he refuses when you invite him to go out with your friends is a red flag. means he doesn't want to stick around long enough to get entrenched.
You're sleeping over and he refuses to be exclusive until things have "progressed?" How exactly will they progress further?
Gah! Charming guys are so hard to resist. LOL
But this isn't a booty call if you two haven't done anything together other than hanging out. Don't think too much.
:)