This is a guest post submitted by baranorewen.I'm sitting in the middle of my college's hallway trying to get through Gawain and the Green Knight as translated by J.R.R. Tolkien. My self-induced silence, my ability to shut out the rest of the world, is shattered as some girl, probably a freshman, talks loudly on her cell phone. How do I know she's a freshman? Because this is an incredibly private call, where she's basically airing her dirty laundry to the world. She's discussing how she and her boyfriend of two months broke up via text message (another sign that she's a freshman).
The reason they're breaking up is because she texts him back WHENEVER he texts her and he only does it "at his convenience". He doesn't text her back immediately when he's hanging out with his friends, she says. I don't know about you, but when I'm hanging out with my friends I'm not checking my phone constantly to see if my SO has texted me. No one can be thinking about their SO constantly. It's not possible.
What really made me want to bash this girl's brains in with the nearest textbook was this: Her way of cutting all ties with this boy was going to Facebook, deleting him as a friend and deleting all the comments they'd left each other.
She even went through all the "applications" and deleted bumper stickers they'd left each other and stupid things like that. I wanted to throttle her.
Why does my generation think that this is an acceptable way to tell people that it's over? "Oh noes! She defriended me on a website! I'm so depressed now!" I think not. Seriously.
Is this de-friending thing really an acceptable way to show someone we no longer care?
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Comments (258)
It might mean that she doesn't want to see things that remind her of you guys. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care. Maybe she's just being sensitive.
I think as *part of the break up process* it is okay. You don't want stuff reminding you of a guy that you used to love/like/date specially if it hurts, its part of moving on. As the ONLY way to show this guy they are over... It's childish.
Happened to me. This backstabbing bitch from my high school past added me as a friend on facebook. She used me to find all her friends AND people that I knew that she wanted to be friends with/sleep with and then de-friended AND blocked me.
I can't imagine more of an immature, ridiculous person.
@wave_of_frequency@xanga - I can totally agree with your for that reason alone. Now, if she broke up with him by deleting him from facebook, well that's another story. It's spineless to break up with someone via text message (even a phone call would be better than that), but to break up by just deleting someone from their 'friend' list on facebook is pretty sad and shows a total lack of class or respect for the other person.
It's childish, and it's not an appropriate way to break up with someone, but I think it would be a natural part of post-break up, because who wants stuff like that around to remind them?
The way she's going about it, no. But IMO, if you have a big falling out with someone, whether it be SO or close friend, if they hurt you so bad that it hurts to be reminded of them constantly when doing simple things like looking through your own facebook, it makes life simpler to just delete them. Not out of spite or to prove something, but to help yourself get over them easier.
Texting and whatnot.. definitely NOT the way to handle a relationship / issues.
I can understand the whole de-friending thing if you actually feel bothered by the person and need to get away, if maybe seeing and hearing from them hurts too much at the moment for you to deal with.
But I don't think any sane, non-dramatic person would actually be offended by it. Dramatic teenage girls have a tendency to get sucked into this whole social networking thing as if every little thing that happens on the facebook is a meaningful scenario.
The fact is, I mostly only use MY social networking sites when I'm bored or drunk. They're frivolous little websites that I don't think any balanced person would take seriously.
I agree with pretty much every comment here: post breakup, you'd rather not see things that make you ache, just like you'd delete sweet voicemails, notes and texts.
As a break up: super lame. This generation is rediculous. I guess it might be slightly less creepy for an internet couple though. xD
social networking, technology, and the media have all become great parts of people's lives...
It was a two month relationship, and they are young..so I guess it's ok. Anything that was at least semi serious deserves a phone call break up or in person.
@pandasp0ts@xanga - I agree with the post breakup scenarios too but after a while--after you've stopped and thought it through a little--you'll sometimes find yourself wanting some of those memories back. They were good memories while it happened and we only want it out of our heads because we are impulsive that way.
And then we do want them, it's always too late.
Breakup Process: Breakup, I/You hate me, Throw Away Things / Demand Things Back, ... , Hate Ourselves For Memories Lost / (Or be really happy about it :]).
I think it's hilarious
I was pissed at at ex-for not accepting my friend request.
4 months later, I found out his friend was on his account one day & Ignored All His Friend Requests. lol
yeah his way of telling me he didn't need "time" was to shut down his xanga, change our relationship status, block me on facebook and myspace. oh yeah, he was seeing someone else too and didn't want me to know. glad i dodged the bullet. childish, immature and pathetic.
@FireMapleSong@xanga - It depends on how they react to life, it could regard as a small form of seriousness if you consider having social network online...
@wave_of_frequency@xanga - What use is a social network online? I understand the need for online business networking, online communications networking, and other forms of online networking, but all an online social network can do is distract you from your real-life social network, which I place a higher importance on than little pictures of people, cute comments, and application invites. No online social network has importance beyond just keeping in touch with people.
Just another reason why I think generation "y" needs to end at the latest with people born in 89, lol.
I know alot of people who do that sort of thing. Too much free time on their hands.
i think it is not acceptable. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years and I threw his crap out the window but that is not how we broke up. we broke up because he cheated on me not because of a stupid reason as mentioned above. Oh by the way I was born in 89 and am a freshman in college and I didn't do what that person did. So its not just my generation it is just her.
The second time I went through a heartbreak (mind you, with the same person) I took them off my facebook, AIM, and phone. All the leftover comments I had were deleted where he left comments of "You're so pretty, baby I love you." It was too much for me to deal with at the time and I just wanted to get away and escape it all. It is immature to do so just so you can show them that you don't care, but because you don't want those memories is another story.
@naguyin@xanga - Not everyone wants to be reminded about the ex and the break-up. Sometimes the bad are just to aweful to let the good overcome it.
As for the whole text thing. It only takes two seconds for you to reply back in which you probably heard the text being said. It doesn't really take brain surgery to reply back an "I love you too. I'm a bit busy right know, I'll talk to you later hun." As for her being immature, he was too. Who breaks up over text messages? "She was texting me too fast." Grow up.
""Oh noes! She defriended me on a website! I'm so depressed now!" "
Hahah. So true! People take these sites so seriously its ridiculous!
I can understand erasing the comments and such, but I couldn't tell ya how many times I've heard in passing someone absolutely pissed off at someone else because "they removed me from their top 8 friends!!!!" on myspace.
This generation is doomed....
If this girl can honestly stop caring after clicking on a button, did she really care at all? Emotions can't be turned off as easily as it is to "de-friend" someone on facebook. It's stupid and incredibly immature how people think they can stop caring when all virtual (whatever happened to physical?) signs of affection are gone. This is probabaly one of the ways that techonology, as a whole, has totally messed up relationships.
she's a drama queen and must stay away from her. it is appropriate only because they dated for 2 months....to me, 2 months is not even long enough to be a "fling" let alone a real relationship. it's all a bunch of bs to me. the guy is better off not sticking with this chick.
Unfortunately, it's very common. One of my friend's friends found out their relationship was over by glancing at her boyfriend's Myspace and noticed that he switched his relationship status to single. No phone call, email, text, talk, nothing. That was the way she found out they were no longer together. Living in a technological advanced age, people are starting to get lazier and lazier with things like this. But, breaking up doesn't necessarily mean you guys don't have to talk to each other ever again right? I mean, I am still friends with all my exes, best friends with even two of them. Despite the fact that my most recent hurt me the most, I still looked past it and never actually defriended her. And now, we still get along great.
But to answer your question, defriending is not an acceptable way. If a guy isn't man enough to tell her face to face that they wouldn't be together anymore, he shouldn't even be having a girlfriend in the first place. And vice versa.
hahahahah i nearly fell out of my chair reading that.
draaaaaaaama queen!