Friday, 19 September 2008
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I Can't Stand Being in This Relationship Anymore - Help!
Dr. Datingish
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months. We recently broke up due to his bipolar/controlling/arrogance but we got back together.
He has been very nice and pleasant since we got back together but now I just don't care about him anymore.
Before we broke up, I was ready to spend my life with him forever and now I can't stand being around him for more than a few minutes. What's going on?
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Comments (52)
How long did you break up for? Because that may be the reason you dont care for him anymore.
A person can only take so much. I know exactly how you feel. It seems like your boyfriend took too much out of the relationship and even though he may have changed, it's too late. It's up to you whether you want to try re-pursuing this relationship or seriously end it.
This same thing happened with my last ex. He was abusive and an alcoholic. I slowly lost it and one day, I could take no more. By then, although it appeared he really did change for the better, it was too late. Going through that relationship cost me so much of myself that I just could not stay in it whether or not be changed or not. I broke up with him and I have never regretted it.
maybe because you're impulsive and mistaken lust for love. you're probably just in it for the fun. get rid of him, move on. 6 months is nothing, shouldn't even consider it as a relationship, more like a fling.
Bi polar ain't nothin to break up over. He can't help that. The other stuff....he can help so get rid of him. He ain't good nough for you. Get with a man not a boy.
you are going through the cycle. he pisses you off, you want to leave him but then he apologizes and you guys go back into the honeymoon phase. Only to be rudely awakened by another argument. repeat.
you stay because you think its only going to get better hence the honeymoon phase.
6 months of dating and you're ready to spend your life with this person? you must be a teenager.
Sometimes people change, and sometimes people just don't feel the way they used to. It happens.
If he put you through a lot it probably put a huge strain on your feelings for him. Since you'd only been together 6 months, they might not have been strong enough and broke under the stress he put you through. The time apart gave to feelings free space to disappear. If you don't want to be with him now, then you probably aren't meant to be anyway.
6 Months can be a long time esp. if there was a great deal invested early on. If the relationship moved forward too fast cause fatigue a relationship and put a strain on both people. Hence we start magnifying the little things that annoy us. Hopefully you can find comfort in the thought that things will get better and that you still have the rest of your life to find somebody. Yes, I know its a cliche statement, but its the truth.
Break up! NOw.
Sometimes it takes a few tries for someone to separated from a long term love. Honestly? It's like trying to quit smoking.
Sometimes you need to try it a few times before it finally registers that you can IN FACT live without nicotine.
I think that once you weren't constantly being bombarded by his senses, you subconsciously realized it was possible to live without him--that you didn't IN FACT, need him to live.
That's the difference more often than not.
Don't stay with him if you're not happy. Happiness is ALWAYS worth a break up.
Sounds to me like you've moved on.
means you two are not together
Stop whining. If you don't like him, don't date him, period.
OH my gosh. This is like my life. lol
My ex was extremely bipolar...seriously...and i wanted to break it off SO bad. I mean, I loved him and would have married him and been with him forever, but I just didn't know if I could look past how he was with me when he was having a suicidal episode. I broke it off, and then we got back together because I did still like him, just not who he was when he was crazy. Well, that time around, we would hang out and whatever and I wanted nothing more than for him to take me home and leave me alone sometimes. We broke it off for good..but we are still friends. I saw him for the first time in awhile last night. Kinda weird.
In the end, I think I didn't want to be around him because of how he made me feel when he was not on meds. Even though he was nice, I think I still had a fear that at any minute, he would snap and start being a freak/jerk again. Being friends isn't that bad..like, i've moved on for the most part and now it's like, well...if I piss him off, too bad. He is my friend now. I don't feel obligated to be nice to him all the time and help him with his issues all the time.
Maybe you just don't love him anymore?
It can happen.
Oh and just for the record, being bipolar does not make someone hard to be with.
You moved on. It's okay. Just break up with him and don't string him along because that's not fair.
If your original relationship was full of drama due to his behavior, that could have been the driving force of it, and now that it's all resolved and he's being nice and well behaved, you have no juice for him anymore.
It either means you like to be controlled, or you like drama, but either way, you don't like him - break up.
Isn't the answer obvious? You don't like him anymore.. you don't want to be with him. Just end it.
Wait for a bit, there was obviously a reason why it wasnt working out in the first place, so see if things will play out this time and if not and you still feel like you dont love him then just break it off. It's worse to lie about how you truly feel about someone than to tell them the blunt truth.
drawing from my personal experience, dealing with the controlling, arrogance, and the drama that, in my past relationship, went with it was so exhausting that it just wasn't worth it. The whole cycle pulled me down to the point where I gave up - on the relationship, not myself. Everyone commented, after the break-up, that I was finally my "old self" again. Maybe you're already at that point. Listen to your self. Don't second guess. If something's telling you this relationship isn't for you, heed it.
Don't let a relationship like this impinge on your self esteem. The minute you start to wonder if any given mood of his is your "fault" RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
Like everyone said, you've had enough of his controlling behavior & obviously during the break up period, you got over him & subconsciously realized that you deserve someone better. It's okay to feel confused about your feelings but obviously he isn't the one for you. It also sounds like your relationship wasn't very healthy.. so perhaps a break up for good is the way to go.
By the way, a six-month relationship is quite a short period to claim that you're in love with him & ready to spend the rest of your life with him.. While I'm not one who to criticize, perhaps it was just the rush of hormones you get at the beginning of the relationship that made you feel that way. 'Cause if you were really in love with him & ready to spend the rest of your life with him, the break up period wouldn't have changed your mind.. It might have made you unsure, but wouldn't have been that drastic to the point that you can't stand him anymore. Just my two cents.
you may have finally realized what he's really like and only got back together because you wanted somebody rather than nobody.I would NOT want to spend the rest of my life with someone, nor even give my time of day to a guy who is this type of guy...actually it really baffles me that you gave him a second chance...it sounds like you're insecure and just want someone there, and it sounds like he feels like he can treat you however he feels like, because he knows he has you. get over him. Also, I think you have some reserves because maybe you know that just because he is being "nice" now doesn't mean things won't change...you finally saw his true colors, people only change for themselves not for anybody else. hope this helps.
Dating someone that is bipolar is too emotionally draining for me personally... they can be very sweet and wonderful, but the relapses will always come and if you're not strong enough to withstand them... he'll drag you down with him. I think you might now be more wary than you initially were...
Maybe it's time to say bye bye forever
I'm not sure if you're being serious about the bipolar part of if you're just mentioning it for effect. Either way, I think it's gotten to the point where you don't wanna have anything to do with it. I think it's time to move on. It's unfortunate that he's starting to be nice, but what's done is done. Both will do a better service to each other if you went separate ways.
Keep on Swingin'