Saturday, 20 September 2008
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The Love/Hate Relationship with A Close Friend
My cousin Monica has this weird love/hate, will-they-or-won't-they relationship with a boy, Will, who lives across the hall. Monica and Will have a rocky friendship.
In his attempts to be funny, he insults her. In his attempts to make her feel better, he offends her. He'll apologize, but he won't know why he needs to, which is even worse than not apologizing at all. Despite all this, Monica considers Will to be one of her best friends. They talk all the time, talk about each other all the time (I should know) but then they'll have a fight and she'll claim never to speak to him again. Please.One of the few weekends we get to spend with each other, Monica confesses to me that she sometimes pictures her married life with Will. What?! She doesn't have a crush on him per se but still. She worries about their different religions and plans to have two wedding ceremonies. They run to each other when the other calls or they play mind games and avoid seeing each other. It's so bizarre and not normal at all.
To top it all off, she asks him to introduce his hot friends to her and he refuses. Plus, she gets annoyed when he talks about other girls to whom he is attracted. It's apparent to everyone else where this relationship is headed. It's apparent to them too but they're too proud to act upon it.
Have you been in a similar situation? Can love overcome pride?
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Comments (23)
sounds like the beginning of a beautiful relationship. =)
Pride make people very stubborn and stubborn people won't admit that they're wrong until it's all too late. So, I dunno.
been in quite a few of such relationship.. it's always the ego that prevents the "friendship" from developing further....& there's only 1 rule to the game: the first to say the word "love" loses.
& for the record.. none of these special friendships developed into a relationship.
It usually ends up with a totally absurb misunderstanding, a crazy almost non-existant arguement, then the sms and talks will stop coz of pride. Eventually everything ends.. maybe with slight regrets (unless he wasnt a bf material to start with..)
Mr. Giraffe, are you my cousin?
That story hit a little too close to home.
...It didn't work out. A stupid argument over nothing ended it. I've moved on, but I'm not over it.
not similar, but it reminds me of my relationship with a very close friend of mine. he used to live down the hall from me too. one phone call and i'd be over at his place.
the difference is that he has a girlfriend and i have a boyfriend. it's funny because in a way, we understand each other more than our SOs would.. that's why we're attracted to each other, i guess. i think we have a very close friendship, and it will not be anything more because we are in our respective stable relationships. I feel guilt sometimes when I am in need of comfort, it's the friend that i go to first... rather than the SO.
I wouldn't want to date him though. had that chance before but we both passed it, unwillingly as it may have been. i like the friendship that we have now. =)
No. It sounds to me like they have a beautiful future together full of codependency and drama.
mind games, that's all. it's all about winning here, and no real relationship.
They need to grow up.
There's no love without hate lol...
OMG!!!!
That is me and my "guy friend" (idk what else to call him). It has been going on since we've met each other (freshmen year of college) and now we're Seniors. Please tell me how they end up so I can get some insight.
I'm in a similar situation right now... Only it's not a pride thing.
1) I'm single
2)She's not and She'll be getting married soon(not VERY soon but still)
We're very close and I know things her BF doesn't even know.
I chose to tell her I love her just a few days ago, and decided that it's best that I take a break from her for a while. Then even fewer days later, she tells me if she wasn't with her BF, she'd probably be with me. Essentially I'm trying to make things easier for her because I want her to be happy and just kind of phase myself out of her daily life... even if it hurts me a lot... I don't want her to have to make the decision of choosing between us or anything like that... SIIIGH THIS BLOWS BTW.
i have been in a situation like that. it ended with us being friends... after a lot of drama of course
@StabbedPillow@xanga - ooh sounds like you will have the best outcome you could have received
im IN this situation as we speak. in a weird way, i understand them. i understand completely. it sucks to be in that position where you're best friends but theres something more. its obvious that they're doing the same thing im always doing, they're pretending that they only want to be friends even tho they both know that it could work if they tried. they seem to both be stubborn, as are me and my friend. hm... i jst have to say that this most likely is gona become an endless circle. it could either turn into a long lasting relationship or an endless on and off relationship. i hope its the first one for them. cuz the seconds ones not so fun... (not that i would kno or anything...)
@RamblingAngels@xanga - Hurts though : /.
ha this reminds me of me. i knew a couple of guys that our big thing was pretty much arguing all the time. i would think we hated each other and then someone said "you guys fight like you're married."
sort of blows the mind when you think of it that way. anyway, nothing happened in my situations, in fact, i don't even talk to any of them anymore, but it's funny and sweet in retrospect.
the comment made me think of my grandparents, and my old roommate's grandparents. they used to fight all the time, but they'd been married for more than 50 years and somehow the love was there. it takes all kinds, right?
two words(or three if you take out the appostrophe xD): u2's Pride.
Remember how we used to hit the boy we like in elementary school when they would tease us? This is how it's like, flirting in an elementary fashion. She can see herself with him because they are really close. Contact is contact and if you like someone or don't hate the person, the more contact means the more comfortable you are with the person. I know for me, I would more likely to end up with the friend i knew for years that knows all the details about me instead of the guy I am trying to impress-even if I don't like him.
if you think this is bad, wait until she has that random hookup after one too many shots.
i thought i was the only one that got into these situations. it reminds me of a entry posted on this very site about girls who can never take the next step with their best guy friends.
and i'm pretty sure the best tool to use in this situation is good communication. or you could lose the best thing ever.
<3
@StabbedPillow@xanga - :( i know how you feel... but your anguish will be well rewarded... in time :)
love cannot overcome pride. it's called settling when it appears as though it does.
sounds like how it used to be with my friend, Patrick, and me. Ugh. We're not really speaking right now. I miss him so much. We were best friends, but...I don't know. There's just something about a friendship like that. It's so strange, but I loved it.
oh lovely... it's like that with me and a fd... except his parents think we are dating... I really do not know what's going to happen...