Mr. Lion"Rene, can you grab that for me?"
She turned around
put her hand on her mouth, realized what she had done and apologized
over and over. She called me by the wrong name. This was a girl I had been
seeing for a month and she called me by her ex's name.
I wasn’t sure
if I wanted to be mad, or just let it go since she realized the mistake
right away. But when it happened again, a few weeks later, I became
curious as to why she kept forgetting my name, on top of the rage
boiling inside of me. Her excuse was that she was used to having him
around and was stuck thinking about that time.
Are you serious? If I'm always around now, shouldn't you remember I'm not your ex?
I
took her bullshit excuse but was very wary of getting serious with
her. When I asked around who this guy was, I found out he was her "first love". They were together for three years coming into high school and
everyone in the school had labeled him as his girl, even though she was
going out with me.
I started to wonder if she still had feelings
for him, which might explain her calling me by his name. The third and
final time it happened was four months into the relationship during winter
break. I was ready to let her go, break up on the spot, but something held me back.
It was definitely a smart move on my part - we ended up
going out for 2 ½ years. The third time was the last time she
mistakenly called me Rene. I never really did find out why she kept
calling me by his name but often wondered because I didn't feel her BS
response.
What does it really mean when a girl/guy calls someone else by his or her ex's name? Has that happened to you or someone you know? And what would you do if this happened to you?
Comments (88)
My psych teacher said not to get too upset by it. It means that they put both of you in the same catagory in their brain and if they loved them a lot it means they love you a lot (or something like that, im paraphrasing obviously...) It would upset me but I'd get over it. Mistakes happen. If I had done it I would want them to try to forget it too.
I don't think it was that big of a deal. She probably had strong feelings for him, and she probably had the same feeling for you. Her memories probably triggered the wrong name, like when I was trying to talk about getting a salad with my friend, but I said cookies because I could smell them and it trigger "eat them!" memories. Your helping her probably triggered memories of him helping her in her subconscious and the name just popped out.
Oh, that's such an easy mistake...definitly not something to get worked up over. My exhusbands name was Nick and then after our divorce I dated a guy named Chad...the names were both very simple and normal names...I screwed that up all the time! Heck, my kids call me Granny sometimes by accident...it happens. Now if you start finding pics of the ex in the wallet and they're screaming the exes name in their sleep...that may be cause for concern!
Luckily, it never happened to me when I was with my girlfriend. She hated her ex and I always scared him at school dances (since they went to the same high school and I always gave him a death glare, hahaha). But, one way I look at it is if that person who called the wrong name was one rebound. They could have been on a routine on calling the name of an ex and after breaking up was still caught up in the routine.
What I would do if it happened is asked who that person is (if I didn't know the person) and probably talk about it. Although, realistically, I might be pissed at that time and maybe she won't be willing to talk or admit anything. It's really how you respond right on it and how honest you guys are to each other.
I've called my boyfriend (whose name is Daniel) "J" once.
"J" was someone that I was close friends with throughout my teenage years, and I mean like best friends. We were so similar in everything - the way we thought, our interests - we could be miles apart, or not have spoken to each other in months, and the changes that took my place in my interests or life would have taken place in his also.
The kid told me one day that he liked me (as more than a friend), but I never did. I never loved him in that sense. As a brother, maybe. As a romantic partner, no. I was never IN love with him, and every time I agreed to date him, it never lasted more than two weeks at a time. I was just too nice to say no. Eventually, I obviously had to. Eventually, we even broke off the friendship.
I can imagine how hurt somebody would be to hear that from someone they love, I personally wouldn't like it if my partner called me by his ex's name, however, it's a mistake, and not a big one at that. If it happens over and over or during sex then it's questionable.
I would be very upset if my boyfriend called me by his ex's name.
i've almost done it before, since i've had a lot of exes before my current girlfriend, but i've since stopped almost doing that because me and my girl have been dating for well over a year now and i'd never dated a girl that long.
it will make me upset..esp if it happens quite often..
the only reason i can think of is that she might be thinking of him at that moment.. (not necessarily love him still but you know, they'd been together and its natural to think of that person once in a while)..
I did that once when I was mad and yelling at my boyfriend at the time. I accidentally called him by the ex's name.
I would be upset but Id still be understanding.... for a time frame. I would be hurt, no doubt. Id probably let him get away with it twice, maybe 3 times.....and if its over 3 months... hells to fucks nos. Im outta there. I wont accept being called someone else's name... my parents gave me a name so everyone needs to use it, especially the one who I entrusted my heart to.
My partner does that sometimes, and we've been together over a year. It used to bother me, but I know it's just force of habit. He was so used to using that name for his significant other. It's ok.
I've called my wife "Kelly" several times while havin sex. It didn't bother her cause her and I talked about Kelly. Kelly was the first girlfriend that I had. Kelly and I got together in 6 grade and was together until she died when we were in 11th grade. She understands that ya can't be with somebody as long as Kelly and I were together without havin her (or his) name slip out of your mouth when you're doin somethin that you did with that other person alot. She also understands that I can't get together with Kelly again no matter how bad that I may want to (though I don't want to be with nobody else...not even Kelly--cause I'm a diferent person than I was when I was with Kelly).
I've called my boyfriend by his roommate's name before...who, at the time, also happened to be my friend/roommate's boyfriend. Talk about awkward. However, I've never called K by W's name, though I'm afraid one day I might.
Ever have your mother call you by your brother's or sister's name? Same thing. (Well, at least in my opinion.) Yeah it kind of is hurtful when your SO calls you by their ex's name (or vice versa), but unless it was done with malice and spite, I believe it probably was just an honest mistake.
I would probably get upset a little, but I wouldn't read too far into it unless it was during sex.
I screw up names all the time.
Even my parents sometimes call me my sister's name on accident, even though her and I are complete opposites of each others.
It happens, don't freak out unless they say the wrong name during sex...then you probably have a problem.
I've dont that before you shouldn't take it to heart I called my boyfriend (whos name is Bowen) Gary. The thing is Gary and I don't even speak anymore! And i have no clue how long it would take for something like that to stop happening for good, but 1 month isn't even a real relationship u guys are still trying it out, if it makes you that mad break up with her... No??? ahah u see that thing that makes you mad is not over weighing your feelings for her... So get over it! and if it happens again, go ahead and say something to her about it but don't be to wierd about it or you'll end up being left in the dust, because if my boyfriend after 1 month was "boiling" becasue i mistook his name for someone i had been with "LONGER" i would leave your creepy ass
I think it's a big deal. If I have strong feelings for someone, why would I call him otherwise than his name?
Maybe some people are like that, my bro often mistakes my name for his wife's name because we both starts with an S. So now my name is not Sandy it's now "Stacy no Sandy" =\
@suggestivetongue@xanga - Very true, I'm also taking psychology in college and we've gone over the very same thing. It has to do with your receptive memory or some shit like that, they put you in the same category because they love you just as much as they loved their ex. Something like that. But don't get too upset and don't ask questions. Just let it go.
Personally I think it's just a harmless mistake. There's plenty of reasons that other people havent mentioned, as to why it could happen, and as far as I'm concerned, they're mostly harmless. for example:
Some people are really absentminded or they have a lot on their mind, and they kind of just spit something out, cuz they're not really thinking about it. also some names just roll off the tongue more easily than others.
or she could think that you look like a "Rene" instead of whatever your name actually is. Do you ever see someone and think they look like a ____, but their actually name is totally different? it could just be a coincidence that whatever name she thinks suits you, happens to be the same name as that of her ex's... (does that make sense? ask me if it doesnt, cuz i know sometimes the way i say things, makes it hard to understand >_<)
I mean, the biggest thing is that it happens so rarely.. it's not like it happens regularly and she doesnt even realize what she's done, then yah i think there would be a problem. but yah, if she's just really busy and obviously isnt paying much attention to anything except what she's working on, and it happens only occasionally, i really think you have nothing to worry about. and i dont think it "means" anything. it's just a mistake same as any other slip of tongue either of you have ever made. it just caught your attention because it has to do with her ex.
@willow_ann209@xanga - i agree that it was probably something you did that triggered her memory to respond out of habit. once in an argument with my ex, he called me his ex's name. of course that further pissed me off but i understood that he did it by mistake. he has a lot of memories of arguing with his ex so apparently that one argument (or style) triggered the past for him. no biggie. hope you feel better soon!
at first i thought ukhh that's hurtful..
but i read some of the comments, true enough perhaps she loves u as much as her ex (this is good) or she can find ur similarities with her ex (this is not so good.. u're like a shadow..)
i used to call wrong names for the friends around me, ashley/javy/jiemeimei.. u see how big is the difference between their name? lol.. but it just happen but i have no idea why i can mistaken the names. haha
Luckily, it's never happened to me, and I'll have a problem if it keeps occurring. It can be a mistake the first couple of times, but the more it reoccurs, then we have a problem. Hey, if she's not ready or she has feelings for someone else, I'd rather let her go, and start my own life without needless problems. Everyone can do better than that.
Love, peace, and chicken grease!
Xo
Oh, come on, that doesn't mean anything. I've called my boyfriend by my brother's name before, and I hate my brother. It was just the way I was explaining things that reminded me of the way I explain to Oliver. Seriously, it's not anything to worry about - she KNOWS who you are.
happens all the time and it means nothing. doesnt even have to be the name of the ex. could be a close friend or sibling, you just get used to calling someones name everyday regardless of who it is. takes time to incorporate a new name onto the list.