This is a guest blog submitted by breakingthemold.Recently a subject came up in a conversation I was having with some
girlfriends of mine - "touch" factor with your
"friends-only" guy friends. One girl was not in a relationship yet,
though soon she very well might be. A little while ago she was hanging
out with one of her guy friends watching a movie and some
defined their behavior as cuddling and over the line. No kisses or
anything like that - just being in each other's arms and enjoying the
moment.
People had mixed reactions over it. The girl herself didn't see a
problem with it. If no romantic emotions were involved, then what was
the big deal? Others said if her feelings for the guy she wanted to
start a relationship with were strong enough, she wouldn't allow any
guy into her personal space.
What are your "rules" for touching in "friends-only" relationships?
Do those rules differ if you're in another relationship or not?
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Comments (54)
Ah, this is such a difficult topic with the recent blend of gray area relationships. I think boundaries are very important. In fact, I have known guys that sleep with every one of their friends, it is just that none of the girls know about it. With the cuddling/touching aspect, unless you know someone like a brother, chances are, kissing will follow soon after. Maybe it will be later in a secret bedroom where no one can see. I just have figured out so much from tackling gray areas like this. I learned that whatever a guy says, he probably means. If you do not mind cuddling with someone who has not pronounced he wants to date you, then just realize it is not leading to a date necessarily. Peace :)
I think when you have really close "friend-only" friends, sometimes it really isn't anything abnormal to be close to them. As long as there aren't romantic feelings, it's not a problem, whether you are in a relationship or not.
mm. well i'm touchy-feely, so i would totally cuddle with another guy. in fact, i have.
the example brought forth could be considered "mixed signals" of what a relationship is about.
I agree. She shouldn't allow anyone else into her personal space unless she doesn't really think the other guy is that important. An ocassional hug is not bad, but cuddling alot is just a bit over the line.
respecting personal space is more legit than cuddling between strictly friends.
I always treat girls who are friends the way I treat guys...meaning hugs, high fives, etc. Occasionally I'll break this to kiss a special girl friend on the cheek, but I never cuddle or anything like that with girls who I just consider friends. Then again, I'm not very touchy feely anyway.
I've done the friends with benefits thing before, and it was messy. Some things should just be reserved for a SO. I think guys can handle it better, generally, but my emotions always get mixed in when I get physically close with a guy.
i think this is for girls, you have to have a intimate-touch free rule unless you want give a guy wrong signals.
most girls know guys are visual and physical beings. if things get misconstrued in your relationship/friendship because you allowed a guy all the physical benefits without any of the commitment. unless the girl is also good at dissociating physical intimacy with emotional intimacy, it would be a bad idea.
and from my experience, i keep the touching down as a friend just because it can be misconstrued for actual interest if you don't lay down the parameters first.
that sounded really archaic and old school. ha
i think there's a difference between borrowing a shoulder and cuddling.
if you're suggling up to him because you're telling him about some sort of personal life disaster, that's okay. if you're suggling up to him just cuz you're watching a flick... i dunno... sounds pretty iffy to me.
I don't believe in the practice of "Friends With Benefits", because as someone else said, it sounds like it could turn out very messy. I have morals against that kind of thing anyway.
However, I used to have many close male friends, who were very feminine, so they liked lots of snuggling and arm-linking and stuff like that.
I think it all depends on the individual, and how serious the person's relationship is. Obviously, if you have been with someone for a while, then I don't think it's right to be "cuddling" anyone else.
I really don't touch my friends in that sort of a way. Maybe a hug if I'm about to leave, but that's it. Or if a friend is crying and I am consoling him/her. No cuddling here, though, when it comes to friends.
I don't cuddle with my friends only guy friends. I sometimes touch them in conversation and I hug them when I see them, or when they leave(rarely both). I think cuddling is a little odd, but if they don't mean anything by it I don't see the problem.
That just sends mixed signs.
Xo
Friends only don't really touch in my book. Unless you're crying or something, or beating each other senseless (not really, of course) keep your hands to yourself.
Personally, I refrain from touching even if they're just my friends. Of course my friends(girls) will give me hugs and kisses on the cheek, maybe even hold my arm, but they're just being playful. It's not a prolonged touch though, so even with them, I try to keep it minimum. So, I guess if it's prolonged touching, there might be a problem. I think both girls and guys need to be careful about touching, specially girls though. Mainly girls because there are far more words that people come up with to describe a girl with "bad behaviors". Guys are usually looked upon in a more positive nature about that aka "players". But personally, I think both need to be careful, and it's unfair they view girls at times worse than guys, but that's life and if you don't like it, then you need to do something about your behavior to change it(even if you don't think you're doing something wrong)
Keep on swingin'
I feel that I have answered this questions many times before here just worded differently.
I wouldn't be that close to someone else if I was interested in someone already. It might jeopardize my chances with that person I'm interested in.
I had a friend (a girl) that would always cuddle up to me whenever I'd go see her (she lived with the guy she was seein at the time too) and would always do so right in front of the guy she was seein. Things got complacated from then on and it didn't take long for her to start comin to my house and ya know.....hot girl....cute guy....alone....ended up havin sex with her almost every day. She eventually left him for me but it didn't work out. So, because of that....I lost one of my closest friends.
@jonchin_19@xanga - yeah i had a friend once ask me if i was interested in her because i kept holding on to her shoulders while walking. i wasn't. Anyways you're right though, guys can take it the wrong way if the girl all of a sudden decides to be touchy feel, plus thats how you can end up leading the guy on.
In my experience, when I have a lot of friends, I tend to maybe hug them hello/goodbye, but right now those friends have drifted and are really just "acquaintances" now.. I only have one close friend.
We hug and sometimes even just sit hugging while talking or something. When you don't have a friend to really be close to, you tend to cling to what you've got.
I don't know this girl's situation though.
This is all too serious to me! I think I used to cuddle with my gay male friends all of the time when I usually had a bf... I mean some people aren't attracted to eachother at all but just love them as people.. It depends on people but for me if I love a friend I even put my arm around my friends that are girls and I am totally straight!
i don't understand the concept of "friends with benefits" nor do i care to.. friends are friends and that's that..
@Princess_Jewelia@xanga - I think friends with benefits more refers to sleeping with your friend/extra sexual activity that normal friends don't usually have.
An older friend of mine came to Canada from Tanzania (I think that's how it's spelled) and he said he used to hold hands with his guy friends and walk down the street. It's totally normal. Here, he says, we are much too impersonal and cold.
Just for contrast.
@haloed@xanga - ..................!!!!!!!!!!
ewwwwwwwww no way!!!!! i'm NOT going to sleep with my friend!!!!!!!!!!