Miss PenguinI read
this article
in the New York Times the other day that covers a really important issue - being financially
compatible. The article says to marry someone with your own savings goals, a
similar career mindset and similar spending habits. I feel like that's
something a lot of people don't really think about when looking for a
potential mate.
It drives me crazy when I
meet people who blow massive amounts of money on expensive brand name
things. I just don't understand why people would waste so much of their
money on a name; that's money that could be used toward
travel or other experiences. So I need to find someone with similar
goals.
I also need to find someone who knows how to manage money
because I can't deal with a significant other who is careless with
money. I used to be careless with money until I became financially
independent; now I manage my money very closely because I can't
afford not to. Even if I were wealthy, I think managing your
finances well is very important. You never know when something life-changing will happen and you'll need to fall back on your savings.
In
fact, I've seen what this article talks about first hand: A good friend
of mine is terrible with his money. He spends so much and doesn't keep
track of it at all. His wife didn't seem to realize this until after
they got married and all of a sudden he had a lot less money than he
did before they were married. Now they are having lots of issues
because she's freaking out about it (understandably so!). I
whole-heartedly agree with this article - I've seen it in real life.
Do you think it's important to be financially compatible? Do you have to keep your SO financially stable or vice versa?
Recommend
Comments (40)
It's very important to be financially compatible. My last boyfriend and I were not compatible at all, and it caused all sorts of problems.
I have a rule for dating someone, they must go to college, are going to go college, or already have their college degree. I am not attracted to someone who isn't ambitious enough to stop slacking off and flip burgeres at your local fast food joint. I don't care if they become an artist or teacher and don't make much at first, but as long as they can hold themselve up financially and then some with a bacholer's degree I'm happy.
Quality verses quantity is what makes me buy expsensive things. A pair of jeans that's worth $20 is rubbish compared to one that's $60. The fit and material are so much better and it'll last me much longer.
would someone who enjoys life with their money be considered financially irresponsible?
I think being financially compatible is important, but I don't think being a little different would kill a relationship. My boyfriend and I are financially compatible, so I'm happy. Neither of us has to monitor each other, because we know what the other will do, and we discuss our finances on a regular basis.
I absolutely think it is important for a couple to be financially compatible. They don't have to meet eye to eye, but they should manage their money and have the same ideals about it in a somewhat similar manner. For me and my SO, I think we are as financially compatible as we can be in this stage in our lives.
@SleepyHead - When they rapidly deplete their savings to do so, yes. I am all for spending money to enjoy life. Money is for spending after all. And I totally intend to travel as much as possible and stuff like that with my money. But it's really important to save in my opinion too. Especially for our generation. We may not be able to depend on social security and the costs of things are only going up up up.
I'm always talking about this with my SO... he likes to talk about spending massive amounts on things mostly to impress me, my family, etc. But I made it very clear to him that I don't expect anything other than moderate comfort from him--financially.
He's going into a very lucrative profession, and I'm secretly worried he won't know what to do with all the money, but he's also a very intelligent businessman (as is his father) so I'm not too worried.
I'm always afraid of being poor because my family has always been walking the line of permanent servitude to mortgage companies, etc. We're both frugal--me out of necessity, he out of ideology.
I definitely think its really critical to be financially compatible with someone you're in a relationship with. Its too bad that your friends wife didn't catch very early on in the relationship of your friends spending habits. At the very least, the people involved in a relationship should be aware of their SO's spending habits so they could brace themselves. I totally get your hate of people who throw their money at expensive things but I guess maybe quality over quantity is better than anything (though for some people its quality AND many quantities of quality haha, those people just have too much money to spend!) but yeah... I don't have an SO now so I've got no stories to tell really but for me, someone who keeps good track of his money would be a great catch just as long as he isn't maniacally all up for saving ALL money. Money is meant to be spent, just wisely of course :)
Also, like the article said: financial compatibility in a sense also adds up to your compatibility in your standard of living which is basically going to affect everything in your life = your work ethics (if you want more money there will be an acceptance between the couple about late working hours), your kids (private schools? etc), clothes and all else (a gap girl and a gucci girl makes a lot of difference...). Financial compatibility is basically having the same goals and financial incompatibility would probably bring about a lot of problem in a relationship...
@awokenfatality@xanga - I completely agree with you. It is quality over quantity. I got these $20 wet seal jeans before, i loved them, but they only lasted for one year. In comparison, I then bought these $80 a&f jeans and 3 years later they still look brand new and I still love them.
And about the whole dating college student thing... I also agree that they should have big ambitions because it will lead them to a better future then those without any. Going to college without having ambition is like... driving without any direction!!! You will get nowhere!!!
i read the article and i've heard from older people that money, sex and children are major reasons what makes and breaks a marriage..
i'm single and it's "my" money now so i can do what i want with it now but once i'm married, it becomes "our" money so i wouldn't spend it without discussing it with the husband.. i even heard people having 3 bank accounts, one for each and a joint account and i was actually really shocked to hear it since i always think of everything being shared.. once married, i don't really want to handle the money.. i think it'll just make things easier
I think it's good to be financially compatible on some levels, but everyone is different. There's always time for improvement. I do think they should have some sort of ambition. Routines or taking the easy way out all the way isn't always great.
Love, peace, and chicken grease!
i didn't realize how important being financially compatible was until i moved in with a bf and we started sharing/splitting expenses.... luckily, we saw eye to eye when it came to spending vs. saving.
financially compatible... of course. 'Cause it's not just your money you're spending when you're married or sharing money with that significant other, part of that money is shared with him/her.
and the similar career mindset... I've heard a bunch of doctors/nurses say, "If you ever want to become in the medical field, find someone who has a different occupation in mind." I forgot why, but that was always the advice I heard. [x
some are brand whores, that's why i don't buy nike running shoes anymore(because they suck), i bought a pair of mizuno running shoes for marathon running. but i will continue to buy nikon photography equipment(because they are awesome).
i think a couple should be "equally yoked" meaning they compliment each other. they don't have to have the same hobbies or buying habits, but when they compliment each other, it just works...like whatever i'm not so good at, my g/f's pretty good at it. and in areas where she's not so good at (washing dishes), i'm better at.
i do think everyone should know how to manage their finanaces and know how to save.
money is a big reason why people get divorced, but no one wants to talk about money or sex which is what everyone is fighting about. Totally think a money talk should happen somewhere in the middle, after you get a feel for their spending behavior.
great post, totally agree.
I think having the same views about money is important. It's hard to have a splurger and a penny-pincher together in the same relationship.
it's very important to be financially compatible, mainly because if you are thinking about marriage with your SO, finances are one of the main topics of discussions. i dont know how many times i argued with my SO over money--and if we were having money problems, it would set the mood for the day/week/month. good thing about us is that we are smart about saving. my SO has made some bad decisions, like buying (expensive!) gaming things that then broke and didnt have a warranty but overall he's good at making sound decisions when it comes to money.
also, i do agree with quality over quantity but when it comes to small things like TP, it's going in the trash, i'm not about to spend tons of money on it.
My boyfriend spends tons of money of stupid stuff, But when was the last time he bought me a gift or food (worth more than $5)? Exactly... and why haven't we gotten a place together like he's been dying for & begging me for? Gee... I don't know... It would take a Super-Genius to figure that out, right??? Huh?
Need I say more? Savings is important, someone who blows all your money sucks. Leeches weren't made for relationships, they were made for animals. Someone who cares enough about you & them plus their future will dictate proper self-control
As much as he spends, he is money smart, he always has about 12,000 in safe and if he uses that money, he is always good about putting it back and not buying everything he wants.
Xo
me and my hub doesnt make a lot of money..sometimes were on crisis too..because of bad spending..or really necessary emergency kind of thing..
call me a hopeless romantic but THAT shouldnt really be the priority when looking for the ONE..before you look if you're compatible with money handling, some things should be at the top of the list..like love..
and trust..and attitude, not just with money but many other things too..
coz me and my hubby gets along most of the time, well we argue sometimes, good thing is love prevails and so is respect and thank God we are able to go through those tough times we had..and will be having.
and financial compatibility is at the top of your list, you might be lookin for a business partner..not a partner in life..
It is definitely important. If the couple can't come to an agreement of how to be financially satisfied it will be a lot of problems later.
I think it's very important. My parents argue about money, a lot, because my mom loves shopping.
I am in the middle of divorcing my husband. Financial incompatibility is at the top of the list of deal breakers. Before I met him, the only debt I had was my home mortgage. Now that has doubled from refinances and we have $50 thousand in credit card debt. It's my mistake that I have bought him anything he wanted, and given loads to his extended family as well. He finally did get a job, but it was minimum wage and only part time, and really only made enough to pay his child support from a previous marriage (which I had been paying since I met him, plus I paid off his huge child support back debt.) Gawd, I have been such an idiot. Hind sight is 20/20, SIGH.
mm... well... I think its OK if one partner is better at handling money. Because either A) they can teach their partner to be more saavy or B) they can just do all the work in ensuring the couples financial security.
Just dont turn a blind eye and be able to talk freely about monetary issues.
the end.