This is a guest blog submitted by garon.About a year ago I became single after a two year
relationship - a mutual breakup and I am still friends with her. After the
breakup my friends constantly asked me if I'd found a replacement. I guess
sometimes your friends know you better than yourself; they called me a
serial
dater. Is it true - am I really a serial dater?
I contemplated the thought...it's true to a point, but
I've always followed the rules of leaving baggage at the door to the next relationship.
I've always taken the time to assess the failures and mistakes in the last
relationship and what I can improve if I've gotten into the next. Well...I
guess there is a pattern; I've always had someone readily available to date
after I think I am ready to move on. But still...I don't think I am a serial
dater, am I?
A friend of mine insisted on
starting a bet despite my assertions that I couldn't be a serial dater. The bet was for me to stay single for a couple of months. As
cocky as I can be at times, I said, "that's easy...I can do it", but I
seem to be pretty cocky when I'm intoxicated with alcohol.
He laughed and said,
"So easy, huh? Okay, I was going to make the terms six months; let's go for
a year".
My cocky laugh suddenly went down like a plane and I was suddenly thinking,
that's a pretty damn long time to be single. I started changing my mind, but my
friends started putting down money on which month I'd crack and date.
It started with 100 dollars that I would crack in 30 days, then 150 dollars in
several weeks, etc. Fuckers.
I started to chuckle at their taking bets, but then I started to think about it
more....could I really stay single for a year? "If you can last a year you can keep the pot - no relationships, no dating," my friend said.
That left me two choices: a
year alone or trying to find the girl of my dreams in the next few days...hmm.
One year and four months later...I'm still single. Yeah, I won...and the pot was
at $2700 spread among twelve friends in California and New York. During my single era I've learned a lot, done a lot of activities
to keep my mind busy and saved a lot of money, too! I've dated here and there after
a year, but nothing serious.
My ideal woman has changed during the period and I'm
more selective about the girls I date (then again I've always been selective, so just
more selective than before?). I believe my thinking and actions have matured
in some ways…or maybe I have a different approach to a relationship than
before.
What's been your longest spell of being single? What did you learn about yourself or about other people during that time?
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Comments (137)
Sorry, but I can't see doing something like this due to the criticism of others as anything but misguided.
A year of singledom is hardly an achievement. Plenty of people go years on end without being attached. The only reason it would be anything worth writing about were if you were somehow wired to be inable to stay single.
And why put yourself through it if you're not wired to stay single? To win a bet?
Learning about others doesn't require you to stay single any more than learning about respiration requires you to stop breathing.
A year and a half, still effective as of now.
I've been single for about 2 years and 1 month. . . . and still going. And that was after a 3 year 4 month relationship. But, for me, I found that I really need to work on my dating game. The last relationship, she came to me so I didn't need to do any of the work. I also learned the flaws of dating (leaders, deceptions, etc.) But, I figured that it can wait (more like I can wait) until someone comes to me again. Sounds tough, but 2 years already . . . so. Yea.
I do this after relationships as well. I have been single for 8 months (since my ex fiance) until last week. Before that boyfriend, it was a year exactly. My friends give me such hell about it, they've aptly named it. "Oh, Megan's on her man-fast again..." LOL But, I don't feel the need to jump from one person to the next. I quite enjoy being single, plus I know I'm completely over the last guy.
I've been single for four months now, which isn't that great a time, but like you, i am a "serial dater" I haven't been properly single since grade 10 (I'm now in the 3rd year at college). The way I figure it, I don't want to be in another relationship for a good long while to reconnect with myself and just... get a real hold on who I am. I say, good job on staying single!
After a long-term relationship, I think it's important to be single for a while to sort things out. It takes time to get over someone!
However, the amount of time it takes is completely up to the individual. "Staying single for a while" may be several weeks to one person and several years to another.
My longest time being single was 13 months. That was after my boyfriend broke up with me last summer. I learned so much about myself in that time period. Now I'm in a new relationship with someone who is so much better for me. I never would have found someone like him if I hadn't given myself time after the break-up.
hmm I didn't start dating until I was 17. I think I dated a kid for 3 weeks. And then wasn't in anything serious for a year. And then I was in a relationship for a year and a month, he broke up with me and 2 weeks later I was with the boyfriend I'm with now. I've only been in 3 relationships my whole life. Crazy. But I like being in a relationship, being single just bugs me, and my friends apparently.
even after dating someone for 2-3 years, i dont mourn much over break ups. once its done, i accept it & try move on & recollect myself in the process. i usually get over it after 2-3 weeks. i start casually dating but i dont jump into a relationship unless i know it feels right.
my boyfriend was single for 2+ years prior to dating me. he casually dated plenty of girls in between (each girl lasting about a week. one actually lasted 4 months until she said she wants something more), but never anything serious. he had his standards, stuck with them, and if they couldn't meet them after 2 dates, he'd drop them. he only dated girls just to get laid (i know... he's such a gentleman =/ )
I was single for about two years.... definietly a serial dater back then but now I'm committed to someone (it's been a year) and I can say I've had the best of both worlds.
I've been single for a while, and I'm fine with my decisions. I don't think that you need to have someone in your life to make you happy. You need to find out what makes YOU happy because your inner feelings come first above anyone else. I'm not saying to reject anyone that tries to make a move toward you. If you decide to say no to them, do it because you don't feel like it. I've had girls ask me on a date or insinuated that we should date. I only like them as friends, and I made sure I let them know that. I just like going with the flow, and if I don't feel that it's right or the feelings aren't there, then I just don't get into it. The right person will come when it's time, and you might not know it right when they come by you. But that's ok. Life's about learning. If you do feel that you need someone, then that's fine too. Everyone has the right to make their own decisions.
Keep on Swingin'
i've been single since...
i was born.
D:
Since I started dating, the longest I've been single is 6 months. I think I am a serial dater and it has its positives/negatives. I had a similar bet with a friend (no money involved), but lost :/
I've been single for nearly a year. I wish I had that bet going with my friends! Hahaha.
Goin on two months.
I commend you for staying single for more than a year, especially since you were a "serial" dater. That's tough & it definitely sounds like you've learned a lot about yourself. That's really impressive & definitely should be applauded.
As for me, I'm not one of those types.. I didn't start dating until senior year of high school [I graduated from college this past May]. I've only dated 3 guys my entire life [the third is currently my boyfriend of almost 2 years!] & none of these guys were one after another. I take my time getting to know guys as friends & I don't date them until I see potential for something serious. I guess it's just how I'm wired. Everyone's wired differently & I respect that.
But to answer your question, the longest time I've been single was over a year & a half.
I was single for 2 years
I dated a few guys, then met one man who swept me off my feet...then he broke my heart a year later. I tried to look at other guys, but I felt guilty when I did. I did get alot of offers from people I never thought would notice me, so that was a confidence boost.
In that time alone, I had fun, I didn't belong to anyone and I didn't need to be. And I learned that as long as you have your good friends you're never truely alone.
Then I met Joe. and I've now been dating him for 2 years (though I knew him for much longer)
If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. In that time being single, I got over my heartbreak, kicked ass in school and even broke a few hearts of my own. And when the time can I found someone I could be a friend and a lover with.
So anyone who knocks single folks, here's a tip; DON"T
We are independent and were are single, mostly by choice. And when the time comes to let go of the title single, we'll only do that when we see someone who's worth our time and love
The longest I've been single? Probably a year at least.
My problem is, once I get over the breakup stage [whether he breaks my heart or I break his] I tend to think about what went wrong in the relationship, and I try to talk to my exes to see what I did wrong in the relationship.
I take a hard look at whatever wrongs I've committed, and going into the next relationship, I drop the baggage but remember my wrong doings.
My most recent relationship has been going on for awhile now [I can't really remember when we made our relationship "official"] and I couldn't be happier.
learn to be happy being single, then you no longer rely on someone to make you happy, all the drama will go away and the relationship you will have will probably work out better.
Almost a year and still going on that single cruise.
After being in relationships since I was16 until 22, I was finally single. After the initial stage of thinking it was fun and everything, it was scary! I realized that I never had to try before, but that in a small town that I was in and with som many more women than men, it was hard to find one. So I stayed single (still seeing my ex though) and made the most of my freedom. I dated here and there, but I just had alot of me time too. I learned that I had some flaws I never knew about until I had some introspection time. I've grown alot, but still have issues. After being single for about a year, I met my current boyfriend. And he may be The One. It's incredible, and I wouldn't have appreciated him as much as I do if I hadn't been single for the time I was.
I went 2 and a half years without being in a relationship. I went on some dates, but no relationship. I broke up with my last bf 11 months ago, and no dates yet, unless you count a certain weird thing that happened one night...
Well, um, this post makes me feel like there's something wrong with being single by choice. Almost like feeling guilty. As if the ending of a last relationship somehow plays a part in the direction one's life takes. That said, I don't believe in romantic relationships necessarily... I genuinely don't see the point. Perhaps I just get bored too easily. *shrugs*
Its going on 5 years since I've been in a serious relationship. I've have gone on some dates and had some interests, but nothing that has been right or worth pursuing. Its been hard at times, but I don't have any regrets about the last few years. Being single is all about what you make it! There is so much to do and experience and there is no point in moping around because you aren't dating. At the right time, the right person will come your way! Great post!!!
1 year - celebrate celibate!
7 years. i got to know myself better, know what i want, and know that i would rather be single than settle for less than i deserve.
then i dated a deadbeat for a year and confirmed that i am better off on my own.