This is a guest blog submitted by
bn_cognizant.Lately, my ex and I have been dealing with a lot of drama, and I know it's
because of our lack of communication. We're still great friends even
though we're not together, yet it seems like every time I call him he's
busy - but he's not he's studying or doing anything productive. He'll answer the phone and have five conversations at once. You know what I mean.
I'm expecting to talk to him about
his day and I hear people yelling at him in the background! I was
pissed because this wasn't the first time this has happened. For the
past week, I've sat on the other end of the line screaming, "Hello,
you there?" only to be ignored.
If I were in that situation - being busy
or getting my party on - I would have at least sent him a text telling
him I was preoccupied, but sometimes my ex is completely oblivious to
the world around him. I'm not one to repeat myself, so continually
having conversations with him about this communication issues is
getting old really quickly
It's to the point now that I can't stand
talking with him on the phone. I'm trying to be
nice, but hearing some random chick flirting with him is not something
I want to hear.And no, I am not jealous of those little girls who
always seem to be in his face every five minutes - I just think I deserve some
kind of respect when we're on the phone. If it's noisy, go somewhere
more quiet. If you're busy, say so. I know I would give him that common
courtesy if we were on the phone.
Do you have trouble keeping someone's attention on the phone? What's the best way to deal with an ex or a friend who multitasks so much that you can't have a normal conversation?
Recommend
Comments (28)
You know, he is your ex. Stop wasting your time and spend your time with someone who would really care about you.
@Seek_the_heart_of_Truth@xanga - wow... that was real... and absolutely right!
If he doesn't have the time for you, don't have the time for him. Either he'll realize he wants to hang out with you, or you'll both move happily along. You don't need that stress added to your life. Maybe exs should be exs not friends.
He is your ex for a reason. Honestly, I don't think it's healthy for you to be talking to him that frequently. You two broke up so you can't expect him to give you the same attention you'd get from him while as a couple. I understand you want to be friends but friends don't talk every day & demand the other party to pay attention to them constantly. Like everyone said, stop wasting your time & find someone who can give you what you deserve. If you want the middle ground, then be less demanding. However if you can't be less demanding, I'd advise you to make a clean break. NO friendship, NO communication, & NO excuses. Simple as that.
If you were still in a relationship, that's another story. I've learned to be straightforward about my thoughts & feelings & as have my boyfriend. When we talk about these things, we've learned to take them with a grain of salt so we don't get as offended. The same applies for my friends but that's a given.. somehow relationships are more complicated than friendships.
Ditto to the above comments, but as to how to deal with a multitasking friend on the line, I just tell her I'll call back later when she's not so preoccupied. Sometimes I'll do mindless tasks when talking on the phone, but if I find that I'm missing most of what they're saying because I'm busy with something else, I either call them later or stop multitasking. Don't waste time talking or listening if both parties are not paying attention. That goes for face-to-face conversations too.
You're already broken up .. don't you think it's a little late for communication counseling? It's probably time to just pack up and move on.
his multi-tasking is diagnostic: regardless of what he says, he doesn't value your time enough for conversation. actions speak louder than words here.
if you're not worth his time, don't go through the pain of trying to give him any of yours.
It sounds as if you're expecting the same amount of attention from this boy, who is now your ex, as he had once given you when you were still his girlfriend. You two broke up for a reason, so it'd probably be for the best to cut down the time you talk to him.
And about keeping someone's attention on the phone - I get so annoyed when I'm on the phone with someone, but that person is talking to some other person rather than myself. The best way to deal with it is to just hang up when they start to forget that they have someone on the line.
Seems like you need to get over the fact that you guys broke up. He looks like he's been moving so why don't you? If he finds the need to keep talking to you he will, otherwise than that, don't bother. Exs are exs for a reason.
I think the description of the person you're having this problem with says everything: it's your ex. It's your ex for a reason, and namely probably due to this and other things that you were unhappy with about them. Move on. I know it's a nice ideal to stay friends with your ex's when it's over, but sometimes, it's just bet to part ways. It's not good for your psychological health, and you obviously are not happy when you talk to them....so give up. Move on. Stop wasting your time.
Sometimes ex boyfriends make great friends. Otherwise, they just remind you over and over just exactly why they are your ex. I'm going to make this as short and clear as possible since comments before me have said it all. It may be in your plan to be friends with this person but it really sounds like their priorities are in the land of rose tinted glasses. It's more of an idealistic friendship. A friend..a true friend is someone who owns up to their mistakes. A friend is someone who makes time for you when they humanly can. A friend learns from mistakes and considers you. Your ex is NOT a friend and there is no amount of counseling that is going to fix what is broken. His priorities are in other branched out directions. I'm sorry to be blunt, but...I know where you are coming from to a degree. Do not devote any of your time, efforts, or frustration over someone who can't even do something as simple as moving away from interruptions to talk. That is so disrespectful of him. Move on. Sounds like you'd be better off without.
ex or not, everyone should treat others like how they would like to be treated which is with common courtesy..
he has no manners, is being rude & inconsiderate..
If he won't give you time, don't give him time.
Duh.
Simple. I don't call them. If they wanna talk to me, then they can call. If I want to talk to them, I'll figure out how to call them some other time and not on the phone. I don't intend to make my life harder, so I'm not even gonna bother if they're not putting the same input as I am to make a conversation.
It seems to me like you're putting a little more effort into the relationship than he is. You say he's your ex, and yet you're still calling him and trying to keep him in your life? It sounds like he doesn't want to talk to you, but is not willing to tell you, he probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I would just stop calling him. If he wants to talk to you, he will. He'll make the effort. Other than that, be done with this. It's just going to stress you out if you keep doing this.
ur expecting too much. he's just friends now, so lower the bar.
People like that seem selfish to me, so much so that they will take others for granted. If it bothers you so much, just don't call him. It should be common sense for him not to pick up the phone if he's in the middle of something, but I guess the sense not to engage in telephone conversation when busy at the moment is not common to him. If I were in your position, I would be glad not to be with him anymore given his behavior! Don't take it so harshly, you're not with him anymore.
My way of dealing with someone who won't respect my time, is to not let them have anymore of it. I once dated a girl that insisted on staying in a loud environment when we chatted and seemed more interested in what was going on around her than talking to me. So why did she answer the phone? I have no idea...and I don't care either, because I broke it off and 2 weeks later I saw her with another guy. Turns out my intuition was correct after all, and now I'm with another girl and happier than I've ever been.
is there such thing as communication counseling. cause my boyfriend and i need it.
phone etiquette is not the issue here. he is your ex. he is obviously not your friend even, anymore, based on the way he is treating you. stop calling him and move on. i know it's hard- BELIEVE me i know- but going no contact is the only way to really get over a guy. go out with your girls and spend some time cultivating a new hobby- you will end up a lot happier.
Why are you still calling your ex? Do you have kids together or something more permanent? Otherwise, I think he's really just not that into you and you should stop giving your power (and self-esteem) away and let him drop from your life.
Stop calling him. Maybe he just doesn't want to come out and tell you not to call him anymore.. was he like this before? you say you aren't jealous, but i think that you still want to control the relationship.. Just stop calling him.
He's your ex.
That's all that really has to be said.While you may be on good terms, any friendship you once had has been forever changed by the fact that you guy dated.So, don't worry about it and don't call him.
Ugh. I know exactly what you mean. And I'm sure another problem is that they think you're being annoying about it but they feel that even though they felt they were "busy," they should get credit that they "cared enough" to pick up the phone.
I think it's just one of those things you choose or choose not to deal with. You can either dismiss it as "he's just being stupid" and continue trying and just understand that he has no manners on the phone or you can get riled up every time or just stop talking to him. The truth is, only your ex can change his manners on the phone and if he hasn't changed them now even with all your discussions, he probably won't and it's just up to you to change how you react to it.
Good luck!
i disagree with the whole exes can't be friends comments above--that depends on the relationship you had before you were friends. a good percentage of my best friends have dated... and we're all still best friends. x_x;;
anywho, yea i kind of understand where you're coming from... my best friend is like that when he's on myspace, or when his parents keep stopping by his room. my solution is that i tell him 'i can see you're busy, so i'm gonna go' and i hang up. if he really wants to talk, he'll but aside what he's doing and call you back. if not, he's not worth it in the first place.