Dr. DatingishI'm 17 and a senior in high school. Last weekend I went out on a first
date with my literal DREAM guy. Smart, opinionated, shy, driven. Not
like any other boy I've run into in high school.
This is the dilemma: Because he lives up to SO many of my standards, I was a complete nervous wreck
and totally bombed the date.
Finally, I thought,
here's a guy who cares about what I
have to say instead of trying to get me to sleep with him, and I had
NOTHING to say. He thought I was a typical 'popular girl' - artificial,
dumb, materialistic.
The good news is that I have a chance to reverse all this. He's my date to
homecoming, which is in a few weeks.
Here's my question: how exactly
should I go about fixing this?
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Comments (19)
Okay, first you need to get yourself out of the mindset that he's this perfect guy. It will only intimidate you again. Think about his possible flaws that will make him human...like, maybe he has really bad foot odor or something. Second, if you're nervous, give him a sweet smile, apologize, and tell him you're nervous. He'll find it endearing and it may help make up for those nerves we all have despite other people going "Don't be nervous! Just be yourself!" Besides, in my experience, sharing your nervousness with someone else seems to lessen it enough to allow the real you to shine through. But seriously, the best thing you can do is convince yourself that, if he doesn't like you, it's his loss (which it is!) and there will be other guys out there who are just as "perfect" if not more so (they do exist, I promise!) Bottom line, give it up to fate, because if it's meant to be, it'll be, and if it's not, then it won't. I was pretty much silent on my first date with my now-fiance, simply because I was so nervous. And now we're nine months from being married. So have faith, relax, and get that boy off a pedestal. He may be great, but nobody wants to be up quite that high...just think foot odor
-Katie
Be yourself :) if you are a good, kind-hearted person that he's looking for, and not some artificial barbie doll, (and if he's the kind of guy that is worth your time) then you don't have to even try.
Just be yourself, be relaxed, comfortable. Don't be hoping or expecting anything because it will end up making you nervous. Look good, definitely put effort into your looks (guys like that) and if he likes you for you, then you're in.
Besides that, if you put up some sort of fake charade, you'll have to keep it up to keep him, when just being yourself doesn't take any effort.
First you need to realize that he is a regular person just like you and me. I am sure he has his good side and bad side, so don't be quick to glorify him. Secondly, once you've taken him off that pedestal, just be yourself!
Well, now you've already had your first date, so your first-date-jitters will be out of the way.
Now you can focus your energy into being yourself and enjoying your time with him. If you get stuck on words, ask him to talk about his hobbies, sports or clubs he's in, his family, his plans for after high school, etc.
Don't stress too much about it. He clearly had a good time if he's going out with you again. Good luck!
Obviously you didn't totally bomb the date if he's still going to homecoming with you. You never really say why you bombed the date. Did you talk too much? Did you talk too little? Did you make a social faux pas?
Others above it have said it already but to reiterate, be yourself. Be calm, don't make a huge deal over whatever happened and it most likely will not be a big deal to him.
okay, hold-up... it's normal to be nervous at this stage. just know that you're gonna be nervous. one thing that helps me is to secretly think of him as applying for a position and that is to be with you! YOU are the one taking HIS application and he should be nervous about impressing you. because it's true, the guy needs to be the one that's the most nervous - it's a lot of responsibility for him to protect you, look out for you and care for you because you will be a precious gift to the man you end up with and you are worth fighting for. it's the truth and i'm not just saying that. so think of yourself as a precious gift to be fought for because you are. and don't let him have you until HE proves himself worthy of you. and part of that means he needs to respect you and fight to appreciate the real you... not just make assumptions that you are the ditzy type.
stop telling yourself that he's the "perfect" guy, that way you can relax and be yourself around him. And then you should talk to him and tell him that you were nervous, and why you were nervous. If he's as perfect as you think he is, then he'll completely understand :)
create a list of things to talk about on the date, like "smart" topics or whatever. then when you are around him, even if you get nervous, you'll still remember what you wanted to talk about. once you start talking you'll relax and stuff.
Treat him like he's just a friend.
When you get into the mindset that he's a friend and not this god you'll start to feel more relaxed.That's not to say be too casual or too open, but also don't be so focused on what you want the outcome to be.he's not perfect. none of them are. so get over that first.
then... just relax and be yourself. he obviously thinks there's something... otherwise he wouldn't have asked you out (or said yes if you asked him out). and he hasn't cancelled on homecoming so it's not a lost cause.
if your nerves are really concerning you, then maybe you should think of a few topics of conversation that would help you relax that might be of interest to him. once the conversation gets going, your nerves will calm down.
g'luck!!
Well, it's obvious that he's not perfect if he made wrong assumptions about yourself. Take that into consideration and talk to him how you would with other people. Breathe (that's important), smiling helps me to calm down, because it says that from all the junk that has come out of my mouth they know that I know that what I'm saying is not serious and it gives me more confident. Even though they don't agree with me, they find it hard to argue back. Also, planning on what to talk about helps too, even if it's just a mental note.
Most importantly, relax and go with the flow.
high school in general is really superficial, at least when i was in high school. but i think you should just be yourself because ultimately, that's how you're gonna be in the end. and since it's only high school, you'll have a lot more opportunites to meet people in college. if you are desparately trying to impress him, talk about sports.
Get him talking about the reasons he's so smart, driven, etc. Show interest and compliment him.
Also, if he's your dream guy, you must've picked him because you share some of the same priorities. Try to figure out what the two of you have in common.
And it can't have been that much of a disaster if he wants to take you to Homecoming! Remember that he's lucky to be going with you ;)
NO GUY/GAL IS PERFECT. They just might suit you darn well.
Don't put people on pedestals, it's not worth it, and it's often super hard dealing with it when they FALL OFF.Â
So. Get to know him. Spend time with him outside of school and get used to talking with him, being in association with him, etc, so that you're more comfortable with him.
If you're going with a group to HC, then you don't REALLY have much to worry about, but if you're going at a single couple then I would DEFINITELY take the next bit to have a social experiment to make sure that you can communicate without making a complete idiot of yourself.
I'm sure part of him hasn't dismissed you entirely--if he's smart, then he's not that dumb! :)
Why do you want to fix it? As others have said, you seem to have chosen the wrong reasons for doing so.
You should tell him if you're nervous. He'll understand you better. He shouldn't be deceived by your looks or outward personality 'till he gets to know you better. So if he really has something for you, he'll give you a chance to get to know you better. You need to talk about what you like, but you also need to hear what he likes and things like that...sometimes even having a civilized conversation about things happening in the world can be good even if both don't share the same opinion.
I don't mean to piss in your Wheaties, but no guy/girl is perfect.
Having said that, you may have messed up a first impression, but he agreed to go to homecoming with you, so you couldn't have completely fucked up.
Now onto some not so pessimistic comments.. Everyone gets nervous on first dates, take a deep breath, and relax. He was probably just as nervous as you were. Let him know that if he thought you were acting funny, it was because you were nervous, and you weren't sure how to act, and you didn't want to come off as someone he didn't like, in fear that he wouldn't want to talk to you anymore. I'm sure he'll understand and you two will talk, and he'll get to see the real you. I have every reason to believe he will like you, as long as you remember to be yourself, and just have fun.
You probably won't be as nervous this next time around anyway, so just make sure you look damn good for homecoming and perhaps have a few talking points prepared ahead of time so you don't have to default to "So...lovely weather!!" when there is a silence or when you feel uncomfortable. Just try to talk to him like you would one of your guy friends, but flirt a little too. Not too much guy-friend vibe, but just comfortable conversation.
This time, just go and HAVE FUN! Its homecoming! And the part about the perfect guy? Maybe he is, and maybe he isn't, but the thing to remember is, when there's a cahnce ot talk with him, really, do talk. And I agree with what some other postors have said: everyhbody gets nervous on a first date: EVERYBODY!!! Now that your first date is over, don't be nervous, have fun, and enjoy　yourselves!!!!