This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.I love my boyfriend of over three and a half years, but his mother and I don't get
along. It's always a strained meeting when we do end up at the same
place! I don't have any family here except my two children, so during
the holidays, my kids and I spend time together by ourselves while BF goes to his parents' house.
While I'm fine with that arrangement, it makes the holidays weird for him and sad
for me.
This weekend is his son's birthday party at his ex's house. I
want to go, but his parents will be there and to me, it is like walking
into a trap! The ex, the parents, all the ex's friends...no thank you!
So what would you do in this situation? When BF's parents had
problems I opened my house to his mom to come and stay, but now there is no
relationship at all! I even sent an email telling her I was sorry for
the rift, but she never responded. Help!
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Comments (25)
Go anyway. This guy's parents sound like drama-whores, and they're playing a game to see how they can control their son's relationship with you. But he loves you, so the fact remains that they're going to have to get used to seeing you around, and so is the ex. It's really the only thing you can do - don't let these people control your life.
yep, totally agree with FireMapleSong
If you want to go somewhere, than go.
You shouldn't have to sacrifice your happiness just because some people dislike you.
I agree with the above.
@Atomic_emmcee@xanga - @FireMapleSong@xanga - I agree with both. Do what makes you happy,
I agree with all the above too. It may be awkward and you might feel out of place for a bit, but just remember that you are gonna be there for your BF's son. not them.
i think you've got it now, but just to make sure, JUST in case, i'll make my comment ;) ... to be honest, i don't think anyone's gonna come here and say 'ohh don't go, stay at home' that's like hiding, and like somebody said so awesome-ly above, don't let them control your life - from the point you apologised, her being like this is her being like this for NO reason, and you can't let her get away with that, and you most certainly can't let that affect your own actions - do what's right by you, and going to the party as your boyfriend's girlfriend is so what you should do !! ;D good luck, hope it gets better soon enough xx
Totally go! Am I right to assume that this complication between his parents is undeserved and they don't like you for no apparent reason? If so, don't let that get in the way. His parents must be just as uncomfortable around you as you are around them. I say just confront the situation by not letting his parents get in the way of your relationship with their son. Maybe if you keep showing up, things will get better.
well it's his son's(i'm assuming that he had the son with his ex) birthday party at his ex's place, if you're invited, sure, but if you're not sure, don't assume you are, so don't go.
concerning his mom, it's his problem, let/make him deal with it before you two get together just to avoid drama. if he goes and hang with his family during the holidays and you're alone, it's his fault, not his mom's.
your b/f must make it work with his family or else you two will have a very hard journey ahead of you.
Not being able to get along with your boyfriend's mother is a total bummer. With my boyfriend, if I cannot get along with any members of his family at all, and even after I try my hardest, the relationship will just never work because family is so important to me. Both my family and his family will have to get along, if not, that's it!
My advice to you (though I am never good with advice) is first, think about why your boyfriend's mother is acting the way she is. I am sure she can't be all that evil, she must have an explanation for why she is behaving the way she is towards you. And try to talk to her about it? Or if you get along with your boyfriend's dad or any relatives, why not talk to him about her?
I don't know. It seems so complicated!
Best of luck!
By the way, I totally agree with everyone else's comments!
His ex isn't going to leave the picture, and neither are his parents.
Go to the party anyway. If you're committed to having a serious relationship, then swallow your pride and fake a smile.
@wewong@xanga - I agree with what you said also.
He shouldn't be leaving you alone for the holidays. Is that how you're going to spend them forever, with out the man you love? What happens if you guys get married?
I don't get along with my mother in law at ALL but I still go to 99 percent of family functions for my husband's sake, and so I can keep an eye on my son, making sure she doesn't poison his mind with lies about me like she does with the other grandkids and their parents. Do you and your bf have any kids together? For the sake of keeping the family together i would attend everything if you did, and keep trying your best to create peace
Are you married to him? I dont think you should go if youre not. IF so...yes if you got along with everyone.
IF you get along with his baby's momma.... go. If youre not going to feel like an outcast and unwanted... then go.
3 years is a good amount to have a right..but only if you get along with the HOMEOWNER...despite their guests (his parents)
Sticky situation. A very sticky one, indeed. I really think that even though it would be really awkward for you, the most important thing here is to show support for BF's son. It shows that you're willing to put family above all this family drama.
just hang in there.
they dont like you, so they dont want you there. be a little evil and go anyways, it probably hurts them more than it hurts you
when you start a relationship with someone, you are not in an isolated world. That relationship is with their family and friends and any of his ex's parents in your situation. Stick it out and put on a smile. You're not going anywhere and neither are they, so why not make the best of things?
Just go, things will never be as bad as you think they are. Even if it may start out bad, something along the way will be good. Going there proves to your bf that you love him, and that will make him love you so much more, and his family will see that you are willing to go lengths for him.
I think you should go with him.Â
I think that not going with him is showing a lack of support for him, which in turn, can just turn into arguments.  I also think that when you don't go with him to things like this (making you sad, and him awkward) you're showing your children that it's okay not to support the person you love.  You're with him, not with his parents.  I think that unless they pose some outstanding threat to you, they're nothing to fret over.  Life moves on, and if they're going to be shallow people and let stupid little things get in the way that is their business, and you should be the adult (as it were) of the situation, and show them that no, you're not going to be intimidated by them, and no, you don't need their approval to love their son.fucking tell me about it. i just finished crying my eyes out earlier cause of my best friend (who used to be my boyfriend) parents
What an unfortunate situation. It sounds like you've done all you can do to form a bond with them, but they're just not accepting it. At this point, I think it's best to accept that you'll never have a good relationship with them, but at the same time be cordial. I think you should go to the party—your boyfriend invited you, so it seems that he wants you to be there. Maybe you'll even meet some new friends!
I agree with the first guy. You should go if you want to be with him. It should be a fun time and always be the good person above all. If you really show that you want to get along with them, show up, be courteous, be nice, always look at things in a positive perspective. If the parents/ex want to make a big deal and scene about, they'll be the ones to end up looking like dumbasses. Don't feel that you are the problem if they do end up causing a ruckus. You're just there to share a moment in his son's life and if they are the ones to ruin it for him, it's not your fault. You can always give a benefit of a doubt to them and just be welcoming no matter what.
In the end, it's you who married him, not his parents, let alone his ex. You need to go and have fun for him. You might feel uncomfortable, but like I said, YOU are with him not anyone else. If you need to take a breather at the party every now and then, then do it. Don't linger close to his family. If he sees a problem with that, you need to talk to him about how you feel. He needs to understand where you're coming from.
@raved@xanga - This is, unfortunately, absolutely true. If you have parents or a child with someone else, those people you will never be rid of.
Random props.
People say that when you marry a guy/girl, you're not marrying just him/her, but you're marrying into his whole family... But I can relate to you not getting alone with your b/f's parents because I never got along with my ex's family before either... There's only so much that you can do, but when you're out of solutions, you can just live for the moment... Right?
if it makes you happy to be with him then go! dont let the drama with her affect your relationship - b|c thats prob what the mom wants! i hope it works out okay =)