This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead."It's easy to be 'in love' with someone that you don't have to plan for the future with or worry about finances with."
That was a comment left by a Datingish reader,
Asthma_is_Sexy, on
this entry. I've been thinking a lot about that entry lately, but more specifically, about that comment. It's the "in love" part that makes all the
difference.
"In love" can mean a number of things. It's not "I love you" - it's more like a temporary state of mind. The girl the
comment was directed towards needed one thing from her boyfriend,
which she found in someone else, so she believed she loved him. Yes, he
gives the emotional support you want, but what about all the other
things that your boyfriend provides? What happens if the co-worker
can’t provide certain things? Do you leave him to search for someone
else?
This state of mind reminds me of an ex, Jessica. She was "in love" with every guy she dated. She would cry and complain after
each breakup but it only took her a few days to get over it and move
onto someone else. If you really love someone, are a few days enough to
truly get over him or her? I don't think so. Same thing with the writer of
the post - you don't just stop loving your boyfriend of four years because of one
missing thing. If that's the case, then did she love her BF at all?
I
believe she really loves her boyfriend and found the missing piece
from her co-worker, so she felt she was in love - that's why she stayed with her BF even though she could have
left him. Her boyfriend didn't force her to stay; she stuck around voluntarily.
Is there a difference between being in love and loving someone?
Do you agree with the comment left by Asthma_is_Sexy?
Recommend
Comments (45)
I'm not completely sure. I think I should think it through more, but it does seem like saying "in love" means it's just developed, and it might change abruptly. When you say I love someone, it means that you really want something with this person and hopefully things are working out for you two.
Yes, very much so, I agree. Those are 2 completely different states of mind/emotions. "In love" means you'll do anything to get that guy/girl to fall in love with you, if they already arent. Loving someone is different. You can love someone and still be "in love" with someone else. Take my situation for example. I currently "love" my best female friend, but am not "in love" with her. We're not gonna date. However, I'm still waiting for that one person to fall "in love" with and be mine forever. They have many different meanings, but this is the simple gist of it.
I can only say one thing... Sleepyhead, you should be on the Datingish team for good.
I agree that they are different, but I think you could be both. I love my fiance, and I realize every day that I am also "in love" with him. I think the difference is intensity and endurance. Being "in love" with someone is intense and in the moment, while loving someone is almost a permanent thing. It can endure hardships and pain.
Both terms are actually very subjective. You can argue that "in love" is just a euphoric feeling, something that can develop as quickly as it fades with little or no consequence. "In love" could also mean finding the right person at the right place and time to be with for an indefinite amount of time. "Loving someone" can used to describe a constant feeling of care, concern, and respect for an individual without being romantic or it could be what being "in love" with a person progresses to.
In my eyes, if I love you, I love you. It means that I want you in my life, and that's all I can ask for. It doesn't have to be meant in a sexual or romantic way, although most people see "I love you" as synonymous with those types of situations. I tell the people in my life that I love them when they have become a person that I truly care for, inside and out, and someone that I respect.
some people stay in a relationship because it's comfortable. nobody likes changes. your ex, jess, is nothing more than a drama queen. it would take a lot to break up with someone you truly love, and probably take a whole lot more to get over it.
there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. the explanation of "in love" by that other blogger mentioned in this blog is just making an excuse so she won't feel so guilty while thinking of another guy besides her b/f.
There is absolutely a difference. I knew there was all along, but especially lately. There was this guy, J, who I've known for five years now. I live in Kansas and he lives in Massachusetts. Well, I fell in love with him, even though he never really did fall in love with me. Only recently have I fallen out of love with him. I'm going to write a blog on my entire feelings about this, but, yes, I do believe that there's a difference. I love a lot of people but I'm not sure I'm IN love with anyone.
i've had head over heels and falling in love feelings because the guy is really romantic and sweet but it was different from loving the person..
i've only told one guy that i love him and i meant what i said..
They are indeed different. Being in love with someone is having romantic feelings for them but loving someone is more for friends and family memebers. I disagree with the person, I think its easier to feel an infatuation with someone when you have no responsibilities, but once they do come you either realize that you don't love the person as you thought you did and it was just that an infatuation or it's more than an infatuation and that you do in fact love this person and want to make a living with them. (Sorry if this is confussing.)
There is definitely a big difference. Most people want to be in love for the sake of just being in love, and they don't necessarily have feelings for that person nor think about their relationships to be long-term (or if they have a future with that somebody in the first place). Dating is fun and all, but you find out if someone TRULY loves you by what they do for you as a person, not just as a lover.
Odd, I've always seen this the other way around. Partially because I'll be the first to tell my friends I love them. I try to hold off in a relationship until I'm certain i do love them, then I'll say it.
But 'in love.' Now thats a different story. I've loved guys but I would never say I was 'in love' with them. It would take something much more, a stronger relationship, something I thought might be forever, for me to let myself be 'in love.'
Its funny how words can have the exact opposite connotations for different people.
I definitely agree with everyone that there is a difference..
I'm currently in a relationship for 3 1/2 years now.
Yes we fell "in love" together, but "in love" seems to be more about the infatuation stage of love. It's easy to fall "in love" but it's tough to just.. love.. if that makes any sense.
You can fall in love with many different people but there's only so many that you can truly love..
This type of love is the type where you can love the person regardless of the tough times, regardless of the time or distance, and regardless of the person's flaws. If you can pass the "in love" stage, this person is more than just a bf/gf, you begin to take it seriously, and the decisions you make start to involve them. It's a very subjective concept but that's what I believe.
To say that you love someone is to say that this person is someone deeply close to you, not for the day or the time of the relationship, but throughout life -- just as there are family members and best friends whom you "love".
** But then, all of my boyfriends have been guys I was pretty good friends with beforehand. I'm not much for casual dating so maybe that's why I haven't done the "I'm in love but might not LOVE him" thing.
Idk.
Wow, I really like the thoughts that this distinction brings up. When I think back to my last ex, I realize that a big part of it was that I loved him as a person, but fell out of being "in love" with him after some devastating events... it was somewhat confusing at the time, but how everyone here is defining it, it makes things clearer for my thoughts...
I feel like to have that ultimate love, you have to both love the person and be "in love" with them. Anytime I've fallen out of love, there was one of those missing, so it made it easier to separate from them in the end. Although as someone else pointed out, I guess it would only be infatuation if you felt "in love" but didn't feel that higher respect and consideration to truly love that person... pretty much what TemptingFate_Taz said.
@VersaGratis@xanga - I second that.
But anyway, I believe that there are many kinds of love, and that they're all different from actually being 'in love' with someone. I love my best friend, and there are certain connections we have that I don't have with my boyfriend (you know, because we're girls and it's what we do), but I'm not 'in love' with her for those things. Just because you find something you're missing doesn't mean everything about it is what you need.
I think that since she included quotes around "in love," it changes the meaning altogether.
For instance, I am deeply in love with my boyfriend. I love him.
I love my close friend Tilley. I am not in love with him.
See the distinction?
That's just my perspective.
yeah i agree with the comment, quotes included. it's so easy to feel like you're "in love" with someone while with someone else who isn't fulfilling all your needs. it's deception, that's all.
as for being in love vs. loving someone... well, a good example of that would be breaking up with someone you've been with for a while and had developed feelings for. are you IN love with them? no, other wise you wouldn't be breaking up with them. do you LOVE them? maybe, maybe not...but a lot of people would say they do just for the fact that they care about them still.
This post is quite interesting. Well for me "being in love" is the initial infatuation stage in every relationship when you see your partner as someone completely flawless. After that time period has passed, most couples break up because they realize now how the other person trully is, besides having a severe lack of communication between them. When you trully do love someone, it´s when you don´t love them because you need them, you need them because you love them (damn this is quite complicated to explain). In short it means that you´ll be willing to sacrifice your life in order to save that person.
i believe there is a difference. this blog made its point.
being "in love" is just the feeling you get when the hormones/chemicals in your brain are firing like crazy. truely loving someone is a concious choice that requires all of you, but not just the chemicals in your brain
This is a subjective question... That having been said--here's my opinion!
I think the context of "loving" someone often alludes a familiar or platonic love whereas the spontaneity of "falling in love" alludes to romance and passion.
A strong relationship is the combination of the two--That is it to say, a relationship with a SO versus a family member--although not necessarily always an equal balance. Sometimes, passion is the overwhelming basis of love, and at times it must be partially abandoned for the supportive "loving" aspect.
However, you can be "in love" and "loving" of someone at the same time and in many different contexts.
I think the girl that wrote the blog about "the love triangle" really found a deep connection with her coworker that she might not have ever shared with her boyfriend.......and she stayed with the boyfriend because of their shared common history; she didnt want to throw 4 years down the drain. it's not just about quantity but quality--what if most of the time, the relationship had been an LDR? i feel like you should always feel "in love" in a relationship, everything in life needs passion. you can love someone with everything you have, but if you're not in love with them, and you're not convinced it's going to last, you will set it up for failure and it wont work. in a relationship, i think you have to feel like you're best friends, lovers and looking out for the best interest of the other person at all times.
there are different kinds of love, you've probably heard of the greek names for love; storge, philio, eros and agape.....how you love someone depends on what they mean to you, what kind of ties you have to them, whether they're your friend, your brother, family, lover, etc. look into these kinds of love and you will see that love extends much farther than the ephemeral euphoria that takes place when you first meet anyone.
Some people stay in love with their first loves forever, bow that doesnt mean, they are planning a future with that person in mind or riding on high hopes that, that relationship will be mended.
Xo
There is such a difference, and it can even be simultaneous. I love my family, friends, etc., and I love my boyfriend with no end, but I'm also in love with him. I always feel the former, and I always will, but sometimes the latter comes and goes. I think people need to just love more and worry less about being "in love".
Well, also, everyone has their own way of loving someone, so while what you mentioned about your ex Jessica makes perfect sense, you should also keep in mind that it's not the same case for everyone. For instance, I am similar in the sense that I have only ever dated guys who were my good friends first, and that I fell in love with each of them. HOWEVER, it did take me maybe a month at the most to get over each of them because that's just how I am. After loving someone (I'm the type of person who gives 110% in a relationship) for a long time, your heart is just so tired that sometimes it's not that difficult to move on.