This is a guest blog submitted by hopelessromantic. All right folks, it's time to play another round of "Does he like me?"
If only boys weren't so confusing and I didn't have to ask strangers on the internet if a guy likes me... Ha!
Okay, so I went on a second date with
The 35-Year Old.
We hit up a couple of very romantic secret bars (think dark, candlelit
tables and a quiet environment so you can actually talk) and we got caught in the
rain together and were forced to stand very close under my rather small
pink umbrella (which he held the whole time, being the gentleman that
he is).
But he didn't make a move.
Not one. I think maybe he
touched my leg once or twice but that might've been an accident for how
briefly it happened. And I don't think he even accidentally brushed my
shoulder while we were crammed under the umbrella. The closest thing to
a move he made all night was that he kissed me on the cheek when he
arrived.
So I'm a little confused. I mean, on the one hand, it's
really nice getting to know a guy and not having that pressure. Just
flirting and talking. We hung out for almost six hours and talked the
whole time about everything from religion to punctuality to infusing
meat in alcohol. And he definitely flirts. It seems like he likes
me. But then why hasn't he made a move?
And while (if he does like me)
I really appreciate the fact that he hasn't made a move and is taking
things slow, I have to say it's throwing me off and I'm totally
confused. I mean, I guess part of it is that I had been worried he's 35 and so he's going to want to move faster (I'm 22) and blah blah blah. Plus,
one of the last guys that I went out with a couple times was ALL OVER me the whole time. This is especially strange after that weird night.
My
theory is that he likes me but he's not sure he wants to really pursue
things with me because of the age difference. But I mean, he had to
know there was a decent age difference when we met at the bar (which is
the other reason I'm inclined to think he likes me - men don't
often meet girls at bars and go "huh, I'd really like to be friends
with this girl. Let me get her number.") So I dunno.
And thus I leave
it to the Datingish/Xanga jury: does he like me?
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Comments (42)
why don't you let him take the lead...maybe like you said he's being a gentleman and want to take things slow. If he does likes you he will continue to want to see you and eventually become comfortable enough to make a move. your role is to respond to his lead...that is to show him that you like him back (if you're interested) when he does make a move.
Similar to the answer above, it is not clear whether or not he likes you, and yes, perhaps he just wants to take things slow and not rush into things and ruin them.
I say back off for a while, and let him do the work. If he likes you, he will continue to contact you and arrange dates. Don't chase him up or contact him, let him do it.
This is not a gender thing don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about the traditional "man chases woman" thing. But it is often the most effective when you're unsure if the other party likes you or not - you don't want to scare him off!
He agreed to a second date, right? In a sweet little restaurant, not pizza and burgers at the big game? He likes you.
As someone in his peer group, let me assure you that most of us aren't big into the whole aggressive tactics. We know first hand what can go wrong, and when we like someone, we want to make sure things will go right. So we move slowly.
And you know what else? If you talk to us, we'll tell you. So if you really feel lost, if your inner girl sense is off its rocker due to past experience, if you really must know (cos no one wants to be humored), then ask him. Even if you start it off as innoccously "Hey, I'm really enjoying our time together."
Good luck!
I can't be sure but it sounds like he probably likes you but that he respects you and doesn't want to move too fast. Personally I'd think you'd be happy to have a guy around you who isn't constantly making a move on you after your last experience.
I say let it go and let him lead at his own pace.
I think he probably does have some feelings toward you, but it's hard for him to express it. You did mention a big gap in the age difference. There are so many factors that can be making him fall back to "just getting to know her" instead of making the move.
Like some of the above has said, let him take the lead. If he keeps contacting you and making dates then he definitely does. He may not want to offend you and go too fast because of the age difference. Just flirt back.
He's older.. he's more mature... at least thats what we're hoping for! He knows how to respect a lady and definately does not want to rush into things. He might be interested but at the same time relunctant because of the age difference. He's probably trying to figure out whether or not he's right for you or vice versa. You guys may click despite the gap in age, but you guys have different needs and you guys are on different paths of the road. He MAY be ready to settle down... who knows (I could also be wrong)? You're still young, you may still have a lot of things to figure out for yourself. He may also be trying to figure out whether you like him or not lol.
So him not making the move just yet may actually be a good thing. Consider this... once he makes the move and you guys move forth... the "chase" is most likely considered "over". (Say bye bye to the honeymoon period) I have learned to actually take things slower rather than jumping into a relationship right away because I really really really like the guy. Enjoy the ride girl... and try to stay on it as long as you can... imo. lol Good Luck! :o)
Keep going out with him and find out!
do you not think that maybe you're over-analyzing? right now... you sound like you're complaining that he didn't jump you while on date # 2 AND you can't figure out whether or not you wanted him to.
if he likes you... he'll ask you out again. that's about as much of a "sign" as you need.
Yeah, he likes you. Being older, he's probably being respectful. Or at the very least, he's making sure you're 18 or older, and not jailbait or something. Sure you guys met in a bar, but for all he knows, you could have a fake ID. :)
Anyway, I know it's hard, but just let him control the pace. It'll be that much hotter when you do kiss.
Look at it this way:
Enjoy the ride.
If he likes you, great, you guys are taking things slow. He respects you as a woman whollistically, not just as a woman for your body or for his personal gratification. You guys are building a foundation.
If he doesn't like you, you got some fun dates out of it...and you won't leave the situation with another notch on your belt, lifetime movies, kleenex and a tub of ice cream.
Whether he likes you likes you or not, sounds like win-win to me!
That's kind of the same thing with me. The flirting, the physcial contact (or the lack of it) and the age difference, although not as much as you. He would ask me to go out with him all the time and spend all my free time with him, but when we are together, he doesn't do anything. I think the most my guy ever did was put his hands on my shoulders. -____- But I do know he likes me. Guys are weird. haha. I'm sure he likes you and is taking it slow because of the age difference. It kind of shows respect as well. Just let it flow. Enjoy the moment. Definitely.
:)
Maybe he doesn't want to freak you out if he moves too fast... otherwise I would like to think he does like you and he's taking things slow to make sure he doesn't mess what you have up. Afterall, he is an older man and maybe at the stage where he's getting ready to settle down? Just my thoughts...
Yes. I think because of his age, he's obviously more mature and therefore wants to take his time to get to know you [especially because of the age difference]. Younger men tend to want to rush things, actually.
Although I shouldn't generalize. It's not really because of his age, but more because of his maturity level. But, naturally, since he is older, he is wiser and more mature [or so I assume] than your average 22 year old male.
That said, this man is in a stage of his life where he can be a potential husband and father, and he knows it. Or perhaps he doesn't think of that now. But ultimately he knows that 1. you're far younger and 2. he's significantly older. He may be testing the waters with you by taking it slow, seeing if things could actually work.
Otherwise, yes, he definitely likes you if he's flirting. A better question is: does he like you enough to be "official" with you?
either you initiate something, or you wait for him to take action, that's it. he's 35 so i'm guess he might have other stuff in mind like, the future? some guys do date for the heck of it, but some do plan to date in order to find a wife? if he's a good guy, then wouldn't it worth the wait?
he likes you a little....For now.
Give it some time and he might like you more..thus invoking a first move. You -->>Do not make the first move. FLirt and be touchy feely but never make the first move
*shakes magic eight ball*
Too Soon. Check Again Later.
Lol I love older men >.>;;;;;;;;;
I'm 22 also but when I was 19 I had a thing for a 36 year old guy I worked with.
Thanks for the advice everyone. Haha. I guess I will wait it out, though he out of town for two weeks so it'll be a while before I can see him again and see where things go.
@cokeaddict@xanga - No not disappointed he didn't jump me. Just pleasantly surprised, haha. I'm just not used to guys not making a move by the end of the second date, so it's just throwing me off, that's all. I actually really like it. I didn't mean to sound like I was complaining.
@hopelessromantic - well.. he sounds like a good one... but don't think about it too much. just enjoy the good dates, and if there's something there, he'll keep calling.
i think it's because he's much older.. well, in my case it was.. both guys were much older, korean, very romantic and gentleman.. they never tried to push anything on me but always very considerate and patient and wanted to get married so i think maybe that's why they are not looking for something quick and easy?
He doesn't want you to get the wrong impression of him and thinks you will appreciate him for taking it slower. Wait it out and then ask yourself, 'Is he taking too long to express his true feelings?' if you're still unsure in awhile.
~~Mary~~
@hopelessromantic - as i am older guy i would say that he likes you. but any reason you could not make some little hints or moves on your part? i little touch here or there. he may need a little nudge. i am hoping you get a third date
Just enjoy the fact that things are taking off slowly! I think he may like you but the best thing is he respects you!
i recall 3 cases like this and 2 guys were much older than me and 1 was closer to my age..
1 older guy was like a set up by my friend and his best friend & wife and he was looking for serious relationship and marriage..
the other older guy i met on my own but he too was interested in serious relationship and marriage..
the other guy was close to my age and i met him though his brother-in-law and my sister (they are not married to each other but friends)
i think it could just be that he's taking it slow b/c he's much older than you and being cautious which is a good sign.. :O)