This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.My girlfriend and I both live in the same dorm building. We both
have random roommates who (
especially in my case) never leave. Granted,
we've only been on campus for three days, but it's getting pretty
ridiculous.
I'm not sure what her roommate does, but this guy spends
the
entire day on his computer playing WOW or reading comic strips
online. I'm not sure he even goes to class.
I don't know how to
approach this situation because last year I had a single room and there
was never an issue with privacy. I don't like to deal with awkward
situations such as this and I'm also not the most polite person ever. I
don't want to come off as rude to the person I'll be spending the next nine months with.
How can I tell him to go make a friend and get out of
the room without sounding like a complete jerk?
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Comments (102)
Take him out with some friends of yours and help introduce him to people.
What lifeandgo said. You can always help him get start. Either that, or when you plan on having her over, let him know and ask if you can have the room for the night or something.
You can't. He has every right to that room as you do. You're going to have to deal with it.
I'm in the same situation, though my boyfriend is off-campus. Last year I had a single, so he would be over all the time - it was lovely. This year, I have a roommate, so anytime we want to get together, I have to make the commute to his apartment (a 45-minute public transit ride plus a half-mile walk in the heat).
But honestly, IT'S HIS ROOM, TOO. You need to just deal with it. Or, if you're really pissed off, why not ask him if you can schedule some "private time" in the room once or twice a week for a couple of hours? You would, of course, have to offer him the same benefit.
Pretty much what the first two comments said... Try taking your roommate out and introducing him to different people.
I like lifeandgo's idea. Sounds win-win to me.
with college, this is the time to discuss. just tell him straight up that sometimes you'd like pvt time alone with your gf and you don't ever wanna make him feel put out, because you're sharing this space, so you were wondering if you guys could coordinate time, the same you would do for him and whoever he was dating. you don't just 'deal with it" you COMPROMISE. this si the time where you use those skills to form a great relationship with your roommate and keep the peace with your gf. now, maybe you should hook your roommate up with hers and they can be in ONE room together all the time ;) thats what i did...
like many of the other suggestions, compromise and arrange for times when you both will have privacy in the room for a couple of hours a week.
me and my roommates did the whole sock on the doorknob...works.
My roommate is like this too, although she and I hand out outside of the dorm a lot as well. I would suggest you try and get him out to make friends. I promise that once you get him to be social, then he'll be out more. Maybe there are some other WoW nerds in your dorm (I guarantee there ARE) that he can have a LAN party with one night in someone else's dorm. (Even if you don't know what that means, suggest "You should scope out other WoW players/XBox Live guys in the hall. You could have a totally epic Halo LAN party or something.")
Other than that, you have two other options:1) Take your girl ELSEWHERE (her dorm? I mean, really.)2) Talk to an RA. You need your space, too.
I say kill the roommate. Mouahahahaha :)
.. But I'm just kidding. or not...
You should go, "AYe man...Im thinking of taking my girl back here some time next week to you know....ahem...so you think we can have the dorm for the evening?"
Remember....its his dorm as much as it is yours. Youre asking him a favor. He doesnt have to do anything for you, esp leaving his own residence. He should be nice and understanding for his own roomate though.
NExt time, get a 1 br. Theres also hotels if you have to resort to that
@blazinhott99@xanga - I agree. You shouldn't just deal with it because all that resentment towards him will keep building up until it explodes. It's both of your room and both of you are entitled to some privacy. Get him to join a club, like I suggested to you earlier.
Like you said, it's only been three days. I'm sure that guy's gonna get sick of WOW and comics sooner or later and you'll get your privacy. Plus, he has to go to class eventually. I don't think he wants to flunk.
However, I must say that, although it's nice to have your girlfriend where you study, don't let your relationship get in the way of school. Don't be so keen on getting so much alone time with her. If you've been monitoring her roomate THREE DAYS STRAIGHT, I think that really says something...
The problem I could see with this is that you really can't tell him to flat out leave. He pays just as much money as you do for this room and has every right to stay where in there if he wants. If he doesn't go to class that's his issue. You could try to ask him to give you some privacy but you can't really make him leave. Does your girlfriends roommate ever leave? If she does why don't you spend time in her room. If not then try to invest in getting your own room back somehow. I know the semesters already started but try to save up for next semester.
find him a LAN party, so u can remove him and his overclocked computer.
lol, i am sorry for your predicament. but i used to lay in bed with my bf despite my gf being there.
Well, you have to realize, it's his room, too. He doesn't have to leave if he doesn't want to. Hving said that, perhaps he would do you the favor of giving you and your gf a little time alone if you just asked him politely. Something like, "hey, is there any chance me and ___ could have a few hourse alone at specified time?" He's not being a jerk by not leaving the room, it's his room, and he has the right to spend all the time he wants to there, and it's not really fair for you to get mad at him for that, especially if you've never talked to him about it.
Grow up. If you don't want to deal with sharing a room with someone else, then either get a different mate if you can or move off-campus. If the guy does all online classes and never leaves the room, he has every right to it. He pays to live in that room to. If you wanted privacy, complaining about dorm life isn't going to facilitate it. You live in a DORM! You suffer the consequences of that. Privacy comes with a private home.
Though, if you want to try and "change him" many have offered good suggestions. You can just be straight and say "I want alone time with my girlfriend, can you go take an hour walk?" Or go find somewhere else for your privacy. Be inventive. But the bottom line is, you have no right to complain.
get him a laptop, problem solved.
Invite him to meet your friends. But don't expect that he'll leave the room any more than he already does. Some people are glued to their rooms. That's the downside of the dorms.
I hope things get better and that you can find time alone with your girlfriend. Maybe if it's really bad you can switch rooms at the end of the semester?
just because he doesn't leave his room doesn't mean that he can't get good grades. i've had roommate that plays RPGs all day/night and they still get straight As. and if you don't tell him, he's not gonna know, so if he doesn't know you need privacy, it's your fault that he's a "jerk". just talk to the guy, i'm sure he's willing to compromise. afterall, you two are roommates. besides, i'm sure he's got friends who also play WOW as much as he.
I kind of had a problem with this last year. However, you and your roommate are both entitled to be in the room that you share. If you and your girlfriend are that desperate for privacy, I suggest you find some other place to spend time alone (abandoned corner of the library, a motel room, an empty parking lot, etc).
tell him there's a wow convention outside! (:
jk. i would just tell him straight up.
First of all I'd talk to him and come up with a policy for having people over. When I lived with my random roommate she didn't feel comfortable ever being asked to find something to do while my partners & I had private moments in the room and you know what? She was well within her rights. Why should she have to sit around and wait to go into her room and use her stuff? The same thing with your roommate. You always have the option of going elsewhere to spend time together privately if your roommate doesn't want to leave.
@aznsam999@xanga - I'd try that, but like I said, he never leaves, so there'd be no opportunity to put the sock on my doorknob.
@irishgrrl690@xanga - we can't be in her room either, because she tells me that her roommate is always there too. We already would have done that if that wasn't the case.