This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead.Oscar winner Helen Mirren (The Queen), has confirmed that she was date
raped and used cocaine repeatedly when she was younger.
In an interview with
Britain's GQ Magazine, Mirren said that women should not take a man to
court after a date rape; instead they should
deal with it together. Her definition of rape is when the couple
has already engaged in sexual behavior and the woman says "no" at the
last minute. I think many would disagree with her statement, and she's been taking a lot of flak for her comments.
According
to the Justice Department, date rape is a touchy subject because of
laws that allow media to publish names of the victims. Many do not
report or take their assailants to court because they would have to go
through becoming a victim a second time, scrutinized by the public and
media.
I think Helen Mirren was simply saying that women
shouldn't take men to court because it won't do any good; it will only
smudge their reputations and plaster their faces as rape victims. Her
words were taken out of context by the media and made it sound like as
if she is rationalizing date rape. As a rape victim herself, I think
she had a pretty good perspective on what a woman should or should not
do.
Do you agree with Helen? Should date rape go unreported because it will further embarrass the victim? How do you define date rape?
Comments (32)
If there was some way to report something without it actually becoming a court mess, that would do wonders I think... but the media eats that stuff up, greedy bastards they are.
I don't really know how to define date rape, besides... not being an act done by some random stranger. It's the instance where there was something leading up to it, as opposed to some random act.
I think the law shouldn't allow names to be released by the media.. it's unnecessary.
No, I don't agree with Helen's definition. Date rape to me is when you are on a date for the first time, someone spikes your drink while on the date and rapes you. Helen's definition is just rape, just because you're on a date doesn't make it date rape. In the scenerio Helen gave, it sounds/or gives the impression that the couple has been together before; got into some heavy petting and someone changed their mind. Don't get me wrong - I believe that is still rape NO is No, but I don't think it is what I would classify as date rape.
Just because if that would have happened to me I would want some punishment for what the person did so I would report it.
@mommygirls@xanga - I think it depends on circumstance. If someone's driving at 60 mph and a kid steps into their path at the very last minute, it sure as hell isn't premeditated murder.
That being said, the laws need to be changed. Faces and names of rape victims don't need to be aired, because that's just going to make the situation worse. I can only imagine the sort of flak a woman might get for reporting rape/date rape because of some idiot that felt that letting the media put photos on air was a good idea.
Of course, I'm not really qualified to comment, on account of being male. Given the legal situation, I'm inclined to suggest that less...public...chastisement might be in order. Not advocating violence, just saying that maybe the person's friends, family, and employers would be interested in hearing about what he does to women.
I agree that it can be a painful experience to tell other people about what happened. However, something like that shouldn't go with impunity. However, you shouldn't be trusting people like that in the first place. Refrain from getting too close to situations like that.
It can be very humiliating but hell no would I let someone who did that to me get away with it!
I think she should not have said that. Going to court after a date rape is personal decision and I understand if someone chooses not to do it. But by saying what she said, she just trivialized rape, made it sound like you should not kiss someone if you are not sure you wanna be intimate with him. WTF?
The media is nothing but a bunch of douchebags used to warp peoples' minds and opinions. The scary thing is that it works for them too. But I feel that the woman who were victims of rape have to take their assailants to court. Rape is still a crime and if the woman were not to bring them to justice, imagine how many more women are gonna be victims of the same person? The media can warp as many minds as they can, but only those who really see the real deal are the ones who will support the victim.
Xo
I think it should definitely be reported and taken to court. I think Helen's suggestion is that by trying to rationalize it with the rapist, if the guy is able to offer you some type of emotional reassurance or security after the fact, that maybe the victim won't feel as "victimized." That's what I take from her when she says they should deal with it "together." However, I don't think this works -- we're not talking about husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend here -- we're talking about rapist and victim. So while I admire Mirren's acting abilities, I would respectfully disagree with her admonitions in this case.
No. While it may be rude to lead a man on as she was saying, but rape is rape. To discourage people from reporting to authorities is hurtful to the victims. It is unrealistic to assume that people can simply "work it out"; a rapist is a rapist.
I don't think it should go unreported, but whether or not the victim chooses to press charges about it (if you can report w/out pressing charges - I've no experience with this) is up to them. At the very least, there would be a note on the perpetrator's record (again assuming) and if someone else reported (indicating serial rapist) then perhaps the victim could be recontacted to reconsider the charges if others are also coming forward. I would probably report and press charges. And btw, even if I had gotten intimate with a guy, but refused to go so far as actual intercourse and he forced me - yes that would no doubt still be rape - so long as I made it clear my answer was no to that act. Fighting someone off is definitely making it clear when combined with the words "I said No! No! No!" or something like that.
As some one who graduated with a degree in communications I think that the real issue here is to make a statute that date rape victims names not be published, that way, victims will feel less inclined to keep their date rape secret and unreported. As far as the definition, I consider date rape any instance where a person is forced into intercourse by a person who they dating. If the woman says no, then it is rape, whether she is on a date or not.
That's crazy! If it goes unreported, it could easily happen again to you or to some other person. Shouldn't the victims details be kept confidential though?
@forgottenrevelations@xanga - I totally agree with your rationality! It should totally be reported, however, names of victims should not be made public, etc. Why are they released in the first place? I don't know. It makes no sense whatsoever. Rape is rape... whether its a date rape or not. If it is NOT consensual, then it is considered rape imo. Definately report it. That person will continue to do it as long as they think they can get away with it! I would definately report it. I was a victim, I did nothing wrong. So why not stand up, speak and seek justice for the wrongful doings placed upon me??
I disagree with Helen. I think reporting rape is extremely important. Rape is a criminal act and should be reported as such.
I also disagree with her. Rape is the most awfull thing that can happen to a person. You shouldn´t rationalize it. Rape, no matter in the circumstances it happened, SHOULD be reported. As for the definition of date rape, for me it is when you´re on a date and the person who you´re going out with forces you to have sex with him/her.
If you're raped, you should do everything necessary to
1- move on with your life and be happy again.
and
2- make sure the same person doesn't do it to more people, and if you have to bring him to the court to make a difference, than so be it.
I think date rape is any sort of unwanted sex with the person you put yourself in close enough proximity to so that they could rape you.
I think that if you change your mind at the last moment, as in, you're both undressed, the foreplay is over and it's starting to all fall together... You kinda lost your chance. You don't get to say no at that point. Well, you can. But if you end up having sex and you didn't want to, you really can't blame the poor guy. In my opinion. If he loved you, of course I would hope he would stop, but I really can't blame him. That should be talked through, imo.
However, if you're just dating, and he talks you into it, knowing full well you don't want to, or just flat out forces you, that should most definitely leave the relationship. Flee. Report it. Forcing somebody is never ok.
Just my two cents. Thankfully, I can say I speak with no experience.
Date rape can be anything from unconscious dealings after a drugged drink, to the scenario you described, where they have previously engaged in sex, and even potentially have engaged in certain sexual behaviours, but one partner says no at the last minute - or even during an act.
And no, I definitely do not think that rape victims should feel silenced by their fear of being exposed and humiliated. In fact, I think their names, too, should be protected.
I don't know if anyone has mentioned this yet, but I remember reading in Cosmo (I think) that "date rape" is actually an esoteric term. Date rape is occurring more frequently in situations where is not just a couple, but in party situations wherein two people slipping away (or any other circumstance which separates them from the group) is going unnoticed.
I think that Madame Mirren has a point... but the circumstances vary depending on the person(s) involved. Date rape is when two persons engage in sexual activity in a social situation which results in/involves an uncomfortable stretch in one person's personal boundary. The definition has to be broad. It's like sexual harassment--it counts as sexual harassment based off of one person's perception. That's all it takes.
If the Justice System was more aware of the emotional strife caused by hyper-publication of the victim's name, then this would be a moot point. Unfortunately, this is one area where there are pieces yet to be picked up by women's right's groups.*
(*Although I realize that, technically, rape can go either way!)
I think that date rape can be a tricky situation depending on how it occurred. If someone was drugged or forced to have sex with someone they hadn't before then I think being forced does warrant reporting the incident. At the same time though I could imagine situations in which not reporting it, would be more beneficial. Such as one like described before where a couple has been dating are past the foreplay stage and one decides they don't want to, thats when it gets tricky even if the girl says no, depending on their relationship the guy might feel as if she isn't serious and thus must be playing hard to get. Another scenario is if the couple tends to have rough sex, then once the girl decides she wants to stop before they have intercourse, the guy might take her actions to be sexual actions and not actual actions to get him to stop. In situations like that I think that maybe it could be better to see a therapist instead of charges as it would be horrible to bring charges against someone who didn't mean any harm and instead of being a predator was just someone that misunderstood the situation. Thats just my opinion though, and I"m not saying I don't think date rape in general should be reported I just think people need to think about things before they press charges, but I think that goes for all crimes.
Pressing charges shouldn't embarrass the victim it should empower them giving them closure by justice.
the embarrassed one should be the rapist cuz he did such a very embarrassing and scandalous act..he should be punished so that he couldnt rape any other girl..
to those who had an experience wt this, i think there should be some assistance from the government or other organizations on how to take action upon..you could seek help..
dont let those bad guys on the loose...
Rape is rape. It should be reported.