This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.I've recently started dating a divorced man, and his ex doesn't like me
at all.
He's got a two family house; he lives downstairs and his best friend lives upstairs. When I visited the house, she came over with her two-year-old daughter in tow and started yelling in my
face.
Their daughter started to cry because of the noise, so I asked if Miss Ex could tone down her
voice so her daughter wouldn't get upset. She did stop, but shortly
thereafter, she started yelling again and came at me.
He held her back - not
forcefully, of course - and she spat in my face. I calmly asked her to
back away from me as I didn't want her daughter to start crying again
from all the screaming. She did and told me to get the hell out of her
house because she didn't want me around her daughter. I told her I'd leave if
she calmed down enough to stop the baby from crying. I
don't believe in having arguments in front of any children whatsoever. She did and I left.
She's made many threatening comments to her ex
about how she would kill him, me and then herself (so she
wouldn't get in trouble). I have a MySpace, and she's sent me
threatening messages and told her family members to do so as well.
As you can tell, she's extremely immature, and to put your child in
a situation where there would potentially be screaming/yelling/violence
is unacceptable to me. I want to tell her that I'm not there to take her
child away or to be another mother to her, which is what I feel she's
thinking.
I know I did the right thing by not sending her to the hospital
after she spat in my face, but I feel like I should've done something
else. Violence clearly isn't the answer, but I still feel like there
should've been something else I could have done.
I know she loves her daughter, and I don't want to hurt their
relationship by contacting the authorities and having her removed, but I
can't stand her anymore.
When I told her other family members about my relationship with my
current boyfriend, I told them that if they really knew him or his ex,
they would have known about the problems they were having. I've told them that trying to attack me won't do any good because I could take those messages and go to the police
station and have a restraining order put on them all. The rest of the
family stopped, but she hasn't.
Again, I don't want to contact the authorities, because I still want
her to see her daughter, but what can I do to make all these threats
stop? HELP!
Comments (65)
@dannyjo@xanga - Agreed. This is white trash b/s and if he doesn't have the balls to stand up to her about her behavior, you don't need to be a part of this bunch.
@enterthelabyrinth@xanga - You list some very reasonable steps the guy should be taking. All around, well said.
I'm wondering first of all why your boyfriend hasn't done anything about this. By not doing anything, he seems to think that her behavior is acceptable.
Second of all, if this woman is having fits in front of her child and is threatening others' lives and her own, she clearly needs psychological help. That sort of environment is unsafe for a child to grow up in, and a child protection agency should be alerted.
Sounds like your boy needs to have a talk with her. Tell him that he really needs to put her in her place, because he's got more of a chance at resolving this than you do.
The thing is, she shouldn't even be your problem. She's HIS problem, and if he's allowing her to act that way, and not doing anything to resolve the situation, especially with HIS child involved, then he is AT BEST waaaay to passive to be haveing an adult relationship. Seriously, you will realize, either now or later, that this relationship is not worth it.
why is your bf living with his divorced ex? >_> that's so weird. i would try to have him calm her down and if that doesn't work you should try to reason with her. at least let her have 5 minutes of her time with you. :/
End the relationship, your safety is the most important thing. If he trully loved you he would do anything that was in his hands to put that crazy b*tch in jail. He really should have stopped her, I mean, he is by no means her property he is not her slave. And you definitely should call CPS, that girl is not safe with that kind of woman as a mother.
First of all, you NEED to have a talk with your boyfriend and tell him that you are not going to take this kind of treatment! I mean, yes, she is his baby mama, but you didnt sign up for none of that baby mama drama bullshit!! You are a grown woman, leave those games for high schoolers; dont be so nice, she's a bitch, call the cops on her. She infringing on your rights to live a happy and peaceful life with the guy you love. He is YOUR man now, claim what is yours, take a stand.
If your new man hasnt really bothered to help, then he's a douche bag and you need to drop him. You dont need all that baggage, find you a man who is willing to start over new with you and you alone and who wont permit his ex, regardless of whether they have a child together or not, to walk all over his new g/f and their life together.
It's not about getting her in trouble, it's about setting boundaries that will show her she cant get away with what she's doing. If you keep letting her get away with what she's doing, she will continue to do it. She's like a child, the more you let them do something, the more they think they can get away with it ( and do get away with it). It sounds like his ex is out of control and needs to see a psychologist, if you call the cops on her, it might very well be the intervention that she needs to get on with her life and find some better coping skills that she can use to get rid of her anger/frustration over a failed marriage.
Because you shouldn't have to be tossed out of your boyfriend's due to his ex.
My boyfriend's exs don't like me and they have called me names, but my boyfriend ALWAYS puts them in their place. They never walk away "winning" or feeling like what they say or do is right.
I think if your boyfriend isn't sticking up for you, its time for you to ditch him.
By the way, I would call the cops and report her threats of killing you, her ex and herself.
clearly she isn't stable and I wouldn't want her to kill her kid.
Xo
I think it would be helping her child if you contacted the authorities. If has threatened you, her ex, and herself think about what could happen to her child with such a history of violence.
gurl duh!! she spat in your face..i cant believe you let her go..that is too much of an insult..i mean if you're not doing anything to her, she has no right to do those things to you..
she's an ex..and she's a bitch.
you should ask for a restraining order from the court so that she will be prohibited from sending you messages and/or coming near you. if you so dont want her to go to jail..it should be as her warning to stop..if not then you should be firm..if you're concerned about her child, i think you should consider helping the child by not being with a pathetic mother...maybe some of the mother's relatives could take care of her while she makes her time in jail..
if not then you might as well forget you have a bf.
leave him if she continues after you ask him to make her stop. It will never ever stop to haunt you especially if he has a daughter with her. That means she'll never be out of your life and she'll always make you feel miserable. I mean... if you love him and hes worth it... maybe.... but you can always find someone else that doesn't have all the crazy baggage.
She's mental. You either have to deal with it (which no doubt will lead to physical harm to SOMEONE), or you have to report her to the authorities.
Seems like the psycho needs some help. It would be better for her daughter anyway.
you might be doing the daughter a favor by getting her mother some help. if she has such issues, i highly doubt you're the only one she's taking it out on.
Get your boyfriend to step up and if that doesn't work even if he does, take her to court, if he doesn't step up at all, leave.
Take it from someone who has been there, the only choice you have is to call the cops. Besides, what good is she to her daughter if she is behaving this way in front of her. Call the authorties, get her help, keep yourself safe, save that baby from growing up in that environment.
Is she living there also? If so, forget about him.. If not, then he needs to deal with her.. If she won't leave you alone, you could file a restraining order, but you would also have to stay away from her, so if she is at his house, whether or not she should be, you wouldn't be able to go there.. HE would have to file one also.. Doubt that he will do that because of his daughter.You could file charges when she attacks you,, but as far as the little girl getting taken away,,, I doubt it.. This has to be frustrating.. Is he worth it??
Lose lose situation, might as well start fresh.
Great articles by the way!
@dannyjo@xanga - agreed.
and call the cops anyway. no child should grow up with an unstable parent.
My Guy has run the gammut of crazy exes. From one who stalks me on xanga, to the one who overtly denies my existance (to my face...she's crazy on other levels), to the one who tried to kill him. Crazy is just part of his story though.
And I know they all can't stand me.
I just laugh.
To be honest, if you continue a relationship with this man you'll always be subjected to this woman. His bond is with his child and the Ex happens to be part of the baggage. No amount of legal authorities, threats or talks can put sensible logic into the head of a crazy woman. The child is hers and it's up to her and her ex (your current beau) as to who sees her. It seems like you are not and probably will not ever be on this list.
So at the end of the day, you have two options: Stay with the guy and get lost when the Ex is around or bail on the guy. Even if you get married, you will have no legal rights to this child, and experience tells you that your presence in this child's life will only illicit a detrimental result.
Call the cops, NOW. While I admire your consideration for her daughter, your number one priority is your safety, and this "woman" sounds like a genuine whack job who shouldn't even be around kids.
Well... Is your boyfriend doing anything to stop this from happening? Assuming he knows that all this is going on, of course. If he doesn't know, which he should, then tell him what's been going on. Further more, you need to tell his ex to back off or you will call the cops on her and she really won't be able to see her daughter anymore... It's just a bluff if that's what you're worried about, but if she still is trying to get at you then you really need to call the cops... Or dump the guy. I mean... is he really that worth it? If he is, cool... Stay. If not, it's ok to leave. There's plenty of fish in the sea.
I just think your man needs to step up his game and defend you.
im just stuck as you are, but i do give you props for your discretion and self-restraint in that critical moment.
i'm a very impulsive person, so i probly wouldve jumped that bitch lol. but thats just me. you did the right thing.@WonderGirlExtraordinaire@xanga - 100% agreed.