This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead.Yesterday my college roommate of 2 years called me out of the blue.
During our conversation he brought up how his girlfriend now lets him
look at other girls while they're out in public. I found that extremely
surprising because I knew her and she never let it happen before.
She
was the type of girl that always needed attention - she would call him
non-stop in school and would visit every other week. They’ve been
together for a while so he was already used to her demands and many
times just ignored them. But she never let him look at another girl; that was the big no-no in their relationship.
I asked him what
changed her mind. He said she knew he would never act on it, so what's the point of stressing it. Sometimes she would even ask him what he
liked about the girl and he would tell her...this way she can try to
improve on things if she needs to.
This was a complete shock
to me. This was the same girl that didn't let him go out drinking with
the guys because she didn't want him to do something stupid. I've
known my roommate for eight years now, and he would never
put himself in a situation where he would regret his decision. I always
told her that nothing stupid would happen if I was around, but she didn't
trust me. Now that they're both done with school, she seems to be
easing up on the control. I was still extremely surprised to hear she
was letting him eye other girls. It's something that my exes would
NEVER allow.
Why do you think she's so lenient now when she hadn't been for the past four years?
Would you let your SO look at someone else while you were out in public?
Comments (46)
like someone already said, it's human nature to look and there's nothing wrong with it. the reason you're in a relationship is because you're in love with the person, not just how they look, but for the great people they are and in the end even if u see someone better looking, what you have with the person is what keeps you going home to them. i don't however agree with the asking him what he likes about another girl so she can improve on herself. that's placing too much emphasis on physical appearances. you should be in love with the person for all they are, and that means you shouldn't have to "improve" anything for them.
i don't mind. i mean, jokingly, sometimes, i would just say "omg, that guy is so cute!" and if i do that...i don't mind him doing it too (i don't want to be hypocritical).
there's people you look at because they look good, but there's the one that make you feel like the most special person in the world. and people who look good don't necessary make you feel special. of course, he would be good looking in your eyes too
it's not like i can stop him, he feels free to tell me if a girl is hot, but it might be just to annoy me...
maybe someone gave her a real slap in the face and told her to ease up or he'll get sick of her...
My SO and I both look at other girls when we go out. I can't say that he does the same thing when it comes to guys though.
Maybe if we grow so comfortable with each other that we don't find each other attractive anymore....yea...maybe then. otherwise, NOOOOOO! It's plain ole disrespectful.
yes i would. dude, that's ridiculous to not let someone look. I wouldn't care... just don't fucking touch :D
I think many would say that preventing your SO from "looking" is futile, but I'd have to make that clear to my SO. I don't need for her to be looking around. If she wants to do that, she can let me go, and she can go her own way. BUT I do think there are different levels as far as looking. Sometimes when you look, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're trying to hook up with that person or you're undressing them with your eyes lol...in that case, I wouldn't really care. But, I don't need her to be telling me about who she thinks is cute.
@Mitsuye@xanga - my thoughts exactly.
Just window shop...I think both guys and girls check out people. By watching TV you're already checking out whoever that's on the shows. Hahaha
My boyfriend and I always have fun pointing out good looking girls since I love the womanly figure as much as he does (perhaps for different reasons). I think it's a good time, and he knows he can relax when we're out in public. However, I do make it clear that if he look at other ladies, I can look at some guys occasionally.
~ Peace and LoveI think the general rule boils down to something like: 'look, don't touch.' Also, looking != ogling. Noticing someone beautiful is one thing, staring is...quite another, obsessing is completely out of line.
I don't mind my boyfriend looking at other girls when he's not with me. But if we're in public together, that's a no.
Let him look. If he really wants to be with you, the other girls will hardly faze him. Right?
I told my bf that he can look (but don't ever drool or touch!) but not when I'm around..just out of respect for each other. I know all guys look..and I know he looks when he's out w/ his guys anyways, so what's the point of
Ok, first off, I find the term "let" to be really... awful. You can't control someone's eyes. People are going to look where they want to look, whether anyone "lets" them or not.
I'm not much of the jealous type, but I do get a little offended if the guy I'm with is blatantly checking out other women in front of me. I know he's not blind. Neither am I. I will still look at cute guys out in public but I don't gawk and I don't make comments. It's all about discretion. I know I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world and I don't expect to be treated as such or have anyone I date suddenly not be attracted to anyone else, but I think it's disrespectful to make the person you're with not feel like they have your full attention or feel like they are inadequate in some way because they don't look like some girl/guy across the street who might have nicer eyes or a nicer body or nicer hair.
Absolutely not! I wouldn't "allow " him to look at other girls. That is so disrespectful. You might as well be saying, "you are not enough for me, I need others to keep me intrigued. You are not good enough." It's not about control. I wouldn't tell a guy not to eye other girls it would just be expected. We, as humans aren't as strong as we think, and if we protect our relationships by drawing the line before even looking, you put your relationship up on a pedastool. You say that you value it and that it, that your SO, is that important to you.
Oh, and as I read the 1st thing that popped into my mind is that she is either cheating, cheated, or is considering cheating, and I am a pretty optimistic person.
sound like she's matured and became more secure about herself and their relationship is all. i think girls like the one you described her to be in the past are very insecure and controlling. in the past i've let my boyfriends check out other girls, as long as that's all they're doing. i've even let them know when the girls are checking them out!
My significant other and I look at the opposite sex together. Some people are just sexy like that. Why fight the biological urge? You just have know the appropriate time to do those types of things.
Maybe she's testing him out... letting him look just to see how much he really does look. You know, letting go of the leash a little to let the guy roam on his own to see where he goes with his freedom?
For me, I don't get controlling over what the guy wants to do. If I see him doing it, I would let him know somehow that it makes me uncomfortable but I wouldn't insist he keep his eyes on me. If he kept it up and it was a problem, I would eventually just tell him that it's either them or me. I don't think I would wait that long to tell the guy that though or keep him in line all those years before letting him free. I would have made it clearer in the beginning.
However, I don't get offended if the guy looks at girls. It just happens sometimes and I understand that. I think it would be a bigger problem if the girl he was looking at was someone he knew. Then that would be weird.
Looking is okay. Appreciating is okay.
What's not okay is making a comment to the person in question that they "looked smokin' tonight." That sort of thing is basically telling the other person that you're interested, which is obviously not okay if you're already in a relationship.
2 possibilities: 1. she's losing interest and this is her way of letting him do the dirty work of dumping, or 2. she's realized that she's been a bit too [controlling] (if that's the right word in this situation) and finally trusts him enough to let him look. she probably wants to be the one that he stares at all day long, to be the one that is so good that no one else will catch his attention...