This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead.Yesterday my college roommate of 2 years called me out of the blue.
During our conversation he brought up how his girlfriend now lets him
look at other girls while they're out in public. I found that extremely
surprising because I knew her and she never let it happen before.
She
was the type of girl that always needed attention - she would call him
non-stop in school and would visit every other week. They’ve been
together for a while so he was already used to her demands and many
times just ignored them. But she never let him look at another girl; that was the big no-no in their relationship.
I asked him what
changed her mind. He said she knew he would never act on it, so what's the point of stressing it. Sometimes she would even ask him what he
liked about the girl and he would tell her...this way she can try to
improve on things if she needs to.
This was a complete shock
to me. This was the same girl that didn't let him go out drinking with
the guys because she didn't want him to do something stupid. I've
known my roommate for eight years now, and he would never
put himself in a situation where he would regret his decision. I always
told her that nothing stupid would happen if I was around, but she didn't
trust me. Now that they're both done with school, she seems to be
easing up on the control. I was still extremely surprised to hear she
was letting him eye other girls. It's something that my exes would
NEVER allow.
Why do you think she's so lenient now when she hadn't been for the past four years?
Would you let your SO look at someone else while you were out in public?
Comments (46)
I guess she's more confident about their relationship now... or maybe she decided it's fun to look at other guys too.
I have no problem with my husband looking at other women--sometimes I even look since it's hard not to! I look at other men, but I don't drool and don't chase after them, so why not? We have a saying: "You can look at the menu, just don't order anything from the menu."
@MEluvCH@xanga - An older friend of mine named Anthony and his wife had a similar saying. "You can go shopping all you want, but you can't make any purchases"
I think it's silly to prohibit your significant other from appreciating good eye candy. It's human nature to look, appreciate and even fantasize about visually appealing objects.
There's a problem if you don't trust your S/O enough to realize that at the end of it, he's comin' home to you.
I agree that she's prolly just more confident in their relationship. That's why I don't worry about the men I date seriously.
As for the second question, I'm all for looking at the menu and not ordering. There's no harm in enjoying the beautiful people, and as long as you're tactful, it shouldn't be an issue at all.
If you say they can't, it makes them want to do it more.
As long as it's not a certain girl, I don't care who he looks at. I would never say that, though. She already has a better personality than I do and is closer to the body type he likes. I don't want her to have "Unlike her, I'm not a jealous bitch" in her favor as well. Especially since I don't have the guy yet.
I think I would feel weird if I was out with a guy and he was staring at another girl the whole time, to the point of ignoring me. That's rude. But just looking a little? No problem.
She eased up bc she knows now. She truly knows...she based it upon experience, the time he spent proving to her. Im proud of him for behaving to the degree of her happiness. Hehehe.
I wouldnt allow it, ever. Maybe if I reach the level she reached one day in the future. Still, today....I think its disrespectful for my man to look at other chicks.
It could probably be the situation where they were both apart from each while at school. And since she wasn't able to be at his side like 247, she gets insecure about the things he might do (or she thinks he might do). But, since they're both done with school and they are probably together most of the time, maybe her insecurity has dropped significantly to the point where she feels okay now. Just a guess.
I think relationships have a way of changing people, be it for the better or for the worse. Looks like the girlfriend changed for the better. As for my own relationship, I don't necessarily allow my SO to look at other females. I realize that everyone has a way of looking at other people. We all look at others for various reasons. Sometimes we look to merely admire someone for their beauty or gawk at them for the opposite reason. I think either kind of looking is okay to me because it's human nature (in my opinion). There are better looking people out there in the world than me or my SO, but I love my SO for who is inside and outside. And you can't get that combination from some random hot guy or girl walking along the street...
I think that if I'd come out and tell my bf that he could look at girls, I'd just watch him like an eagle and see what kind of appearances draw his attention. And then maybe get into a jealous rage. Hah :) Therefore, it's probably best that I don't follow suit.
I really don't think that would be an issue, I've never seen her look at another guy, even when we weren't dating.
It could be because in college people tend to do the craziest things and such and now that they're out she feels that he may have matured more into someone who may not do those things. Like people before have said, she's more confident in the relationship.
It's okay if any one that I was dating to look at other people in public as long as he wasn't being a total obvious perve and paying attention more to those women than me.
@FireMapleSong@xanga - That's a good one, too.
I ask my boyfriend "do you think she's hot/attractive?" frequently because 1: I don't understand his taste in girls and 2: he usually directs it back to being about something he likes about me, ex: "she has hips like yours" or "her boobs are smaller than yours" or something referring to what he likes about me.
I pretty much have the same policy and logic with my guy. I know he wouldn't act on anything, and rather than being a super jealous girlfriend, when I notice him checking out some chick I tell him my opinions as well. Hilarious (but endearing) conversations usually ensue...
I would say she's probably just gained a lot more confidence in their relationship
She's clearly getting over herself. Easing up on the insecurity.
Honestly I don't mind if my b/f looks at another woman, he still loves me. I know he admires another woman's beauty I even comment if a girl is pretty, but at the same time his eyes are basically on me at all times, but he does look, but it's not like he's eyeing her up as if she would be a potential g/f or anything, just a pretty woman.
That's kind of odd. O_o
There's a million possibilities for that, especially since it sounds like it kinda came outta the blue. Maybe she did something she regrets, so she thinks this will kind of "compensate" for it, if you get my drift.
I however, think it's rude as hell. If my boyfriend looks at other girls when I'm not around, well there's nothing I can do about that- but if he does while I'm there, then he can suck his own balls, as far as I'm concerned.
There is a fine line between looking and looking interested. I would say looking is fine, but not looking interested. I would hate to all of sudden catch a glimpse of a cute guy, accidentally smile at him, and have to put of with the bf making a big deal out of it. I would deserve a scolding if I gave him the eye though. ;p
I think the largest part of that is because they're out of college.
You can't stop them from looking, and I really don't mind it. What I do mind is when he makes a comment comparing the two of us.
Me and a few mates went going to a christain camp/festival thing. As everyone was our age, it was hard not to stare at the very attractive guys walking around in just shorts or just 3/4 lengths (it's summer and oh we loved it!) Those guys were heavenly... But one of my friends had a boyfriend at the time, who wasn't with our 'only girls' camping group. So we kept joking: "You can look, but you can't touch!"
Okay, never once, did she really make a fuss over a guy - like us singles did. But i think she saw no reason in not doing it. Obviously, if her boyfriend was there she wouldn't do it because she would be looking at him.
He was in a differnt country aswell. She trusted he wouldnt go for anyone whilst he was there and he trusted that with all these guys there she wouldnt do anything. It's all about the trust, isn't it?
I think the whole part of the relationship with your two friends is that she found she trusted him. Got over that jelous protective "he's mine" stage and grown-up a little. Yet maybe, and someone else has said this, she's found that she's looking at guys and he trusts that she wouldnt do anything (and she knows she wouldn't anyways)
Or so I guess... :)
People change over time. I know a lot of girls who are very insecure in their first relationships, or in new relationships. Maybe she's matured to the point where she acknowledges that looking isn't cheating.
As for me, I don't mind when my boyfriend looks at other girls, as long as he's not drooling over them.
Because she's cheating on him...
Would I *let* my SO do what?
What kind of messed up control issues do you have?
My SO is her own person...She does what she wants...