he's playing you.  as long as it's convenient, he would be willing to do anything for you.  but announcing to the world that he's yours, that's not "convenient" for him if you know what i mean.  figure out what he's doing when he's not with you, and you might realize that maybe he's not really bending over backward for you.

I have to wonder why a label is all that important to you?

You seem to be putting a label ahead of how he treats you and cares for you.  That makes me wonder how insecure you might be and how untrusting of him and his motives you must be.  I just don't see why if you trusted him and loved him as much as you seem to from what you write that his uttering a word would make everything better.

It is entirely possible that he is scared of commitment, a lot of guys are.  Or maybe he loves you and just isn't quite ready to admit to himself his own feelings for you, this also happens fairly frequently.  Sure its also possible that he is just putting up with you while looking for something better but your tale gives no evidence of that so you are jumping to a worst case scenario with this post.

In short you need to trust him and let him move at his own pace.  You don't want to push him away from you and pushing to hard could do just that.  If it really is important to you then mention it on a few separate occasions and then leave it to him.

He needs to get his act straight. But, you need to figure out why he's acting that way. Don't let some guy torn you apart. Talk to him and see what's going on.

A similar situation happened to my best friend, except that he said, "of course we are boyfriend and girlfriend!" but then told her not to tell anyone.  When he started to realize that she was truly starting to love him, he flipped out and left her.  He wanted all the companionship and her commitment, but he couldn't make that commitment to her.

Talk to your man and give him a chance to make this right, but don't let yourself settle for less than what you are offering to him.  Good luck!

The real question here is, why haven't you asked him? Communication is key in relationships where feelings that have developed over time (years you say) are on the line. I strongly suggest taking a breather and coming to him as his partner and friend with the things that are on your heart. If he really bends over backwards for you and treats you as well as you think a boyfriend should treat his lady then I doubt openness of this kind would startle him.

He's obviously into you if you see him every day and are intimate but HOW into you is he needs to be addressed. Some people don't place much importance on titles and the words of things and some people are players. The best way to keep your heart from suffering is to bite the bullet and let your will be known. If he backs down then let it go with the knowledge that, as cliche as it sounds, there are plenty other fish in the sea - probably many of which that would be lucky to swim with you.

I believe he's around because the situation is the most convenient, most comfortable one for him to be in right now. His unwillingness to "claim" you makes me suspicious; men are territorial and stake claim to what they feel belongs to them. I think that he's keeping things vague because if something better came along, he can use the fact that no commitment is present as his excuse for leaving you.

maybe he's the type of guy that's shy about relationships and can't see to admit it?

i was like that with my best friend..
until he got tired of it and moved away and is now engaged.

You should just talk to him about it.  I bet he doesn't even know that you want that sort of official title.

@mrcolorful@xanga - I dont think it's about a "label", it's more of a guarantee, a promise. I mean, spending every day with someone and being INTIMATE with them and then having them belittle it by not stating what it is that you are-- it's 1) sending mixed signals, 2) hurtful and 3) kind of irresponsible. You are toying with someone's feelings. It's one thing if you say "look, i'm really enjoying your company but i dont want to classify us into anything, i just want to BE with you, whatever it is that we are" but another to spend time together like a couple would and not put a title on it without saying why (shouldnt be that hard to state a reason). He signed her lease, i mean, if one day he decided that them getting their nooky on and spending time together isnt enough for him anymore, he could just up and take her things out of the house and leave her out on the street if he so chooses because HEY they aren't anything. I think it's great to have a relationship where there is that kind of intrigue and allure and you just enjoy each other, it's great, i been there, done that, but it's been almost a year, that's a bit too long to remain ambiguous like that.

He's the one that is insecure and if he does so much for her like she says, it shouldnt be so hard for him to say something as simple as "commitment scares me, let's take things slow". The start of their relationship wasnt slow.........why is it that men arent as scared of intimacy as they are of commitment, that's what I ask myself. It's kind of funny to me, really. You dont want a girl to get attached to you and wonder whether she's your girl or not, then dont have sex with her!! Men know that women get attached (not always) when they have sex with a man, whyyy bother to have sex with a girl and not want her to get attached. That's oxymoronic.

Ambiguity is not good in a relationship. It takes two to tango, his vagueness is not to her advantage. I dont think that she's insecure by wanting to know what they are-- she's being inquisitive and wanting to be put in her rightful place. I feel comfortable knowing that I'm being considered in the relationship and put in the right place--and for me, being someone's blah isnt enough.

@cubancutiepie@xanga - Damn straight. It is very hurtful to send out mixed signals.

I would be very careful. It is true that a handful of men fear commitment, as there are women who also. However, if they fear commitment to the degree that they can't call someone their girlfriend when they are clearly a couple, then they should not be entering relationships and toying with people's feelings in the first place.

Surely, there isn't a sound enough reason for someone to act like they are part of a mutual, monogamous relationship but be unable to admit so? That sends out warning signals for me.

And again, agreeing with cubancutiepie - saying that "girlfriend" is just a label is like saying "wife" is just a label and that neither mean anything. I could never imagine calling my boyfriend my "friend". That's effed up.

To the OP - Darling, speak to him, and get a clear understanding from him, because being in limbo is not fun, and you obviously know that. After all, he is a man, and even if he is "afraid" of commitment, I think it's a poor, pathetic excuse. He is obviously very willing to spend lots of time with you, and be committed to you physically and mentally, so what's his problem with admitting it, other than wanting to be able to seek things on the side, or later leave you?

After all, people can be very cruel. My friend had a bit of a sticky mess like this also, and because the boy never admitted to being in a relationship with her (though he clearly was), when it came to her losing her virginity to him, he left her straight afterwards, and all he had to say was this : "I never said we were together or official or anything."

 If he is not willing to let you know where you stand with him, drop him. It's what I did with someone in the past and I truly think it was the best decision I ever made, because now, I am with someone who is amazing and respects me.

From the way you say he treats you, so well, it sounds to me like his actions speak louder than words.  It's just a label.  Believe me, labels don't bring security either.